Cure Your Case of the What Ifs

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

I love that quote by Michel de Montaigne because I used to constantly worry about terrible misfortunes. I had a bad case of the What Ifs.

Do you ever suffer from the What Ifs? Do you ruminate on questions like:

• What if I get sick or die?
• What if something bad happens to my kids?
• What if I don’t succeed?
• What if people don’t like me?
• What if this doesn’t work?
• What if this never ends?

My old case of what if thinking recently resurfaced when I walked onto the tarmac at a small airport in Idaho.

The plane we’d been assigned to board was the same plane model that someone had just warned us not to take. “Those are dangerous. Crash frequently,” he explained.

“I’m fine,” I thought as I approached the plane. “It’s a beautiful day and surely nothing will go wrong.”

The plane took off and began its climb above the mountains when, suddenly, lights started flashing on the cockpit controls.

I could see profuse beads of sweat start dripping down the cheeks and neck of the pilot, who sat within arm’s reach of me.

Then the pilot banked hard left and started the descent back to the airport.

When we landed back on the tarmac, he calmly explained that the propeller was broken.

Nice.

Then we were told that either the onsite mechanic would get it fixed or we’d fly out on a different plane with another pilot, although that pilot was beyond his required flying limit for the day.

Awesome. Queue the What Ifs.

It’s the uncertainty of life that produces What Ifs, which can lead to chronic and crippling worry. Many people who have a bad case of the what ifs suffer regularly from:

• Fatigue and poor sleep
• Gastrointestinal issues
• Distraction
• Low performance
• Impatience
• Avoidance and isolation

The Remedy

While some cases of the What Ifs require medication and clinical therapy, many don’t. Chronic cases of the What Ifs can often be cured by employing these approaches consistently over time:

1. Practice meta-cognition . Meta-cognition is thinking about your thinking. As I wrote in my book, Four Patterns of Healthy People , everyone experiences both edifying thoughts and draining thoughts throughout each day. You can pay more attention to the edifying thoughts and decide how relevant to make the draining ones. If, through focus or rumination, you deem them to be relevant, the thoughts will amplify. If you declare them to be irrelevant, they will diminish.
2. Move from avoidance to acceptance. Avoiding thoughts and things that make you afraid typically makes them more prolific in your mind. It’s ironic, I know, but it’s the reality: If you avoid public speaking, your fear will grow. If you agonize over your fears and try to push them out of your mind, they will have more power over you. Instead of avoiding, decide to accept worthwhile invitations that scare you, along with all the thoughts that drain you. They are part of your brain’s natural attempts to protect you.
3. Go from acceptance to welcoming. Beyond accepting your What Ifs lies the ultimate destination: welcoming unwanted thoughts and experiences. When you welcome discomfort and suffering, you’re better able to learn, grow and live fully. Of course, no one wants pain, tragedy or failure, but most people who eventually welcome their discomfort or suffering would say it made them a better person, even their unwanted thoughts. Taking a welcome posture reduces the anxiety of anticipation, and the What Ifs lose their power.
4. Plan but flex to possibilities. Finally, you can minimize your What Ifs by striving to be adaptable and flexible. Without compromising your values or identity, you can adjust your expectations for people and circumstances. My good friend’s family has a word for times when things aren’t going according to plan: bebopping. When things aren’t happening according to their plans, well, they roll with it and say, “We’re bebopping.” It’s an attitude that says, we’ll stay loose and figure this out. No need to fear the possibilities that lie ahead.

Your life will feel like a series of terrible misfortunes if you allow the What Ifs to infect your mind. Inoculate yourself through meta-cognition, acceptance, welcoming and flexibility.

How could you remedy the What Ifs that drag you down?

Patterns are Inevitable. Growth is Optional. Check out my award-winning book Four Patterns of Healthy People to become more aware of the healthy and unhealthy patterns in your thoughts, relationships, ego, and daily operations.

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About the Author. Matt Norman coaches and advises executives on how to build great people and culture. He is President & CEO of Norman & Associates, which offers custom coaching and consulting in the areas of talent strategy, personal effectiveness, planning, and goal alignment. Norman & Associates also provides Dale Carnegie cohort-style action learning programs to help people improve how they communicate, lead, influence, and work together.

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