Cultures Canceled

I’ve been swimming laps this winter since I couldn’t run (too much ice) or paddle (too icy). There is freedom that comes with being in water.

So I’m changing #SUPRunWrite to #WoodsWaterWrite. Triple W!

I have friends genuinely distressed because they feel their voices, feelings, even very presence, are being silenced and punished, not only in everyday life but in the workplace. Today we are feeling the very disturbing effects of cancel culture.

For generations though, how many cultures have been canceled?

I have a friend who is particularly disturbed. His adult children do not feel comfortable sharing their political perspectives at work because of the very real fear of having their job negatively impacted in a primarily liberal workforce. I can relate to the protective Papa Bear stance. I’m a protective Mama Bear myself.

One of Trevor’s and Ian’s friends helps me in the front of the flower shop during major holidays. She’s invaluable as my right hand woman, and like most of the boys’ friends, she is family. I love her like a daughter.

Last Mother’s Day, an older gentleman came into the shop to order flowers for his wife. I was knee-deep in dispatching drivers so Daughter greeted the customer. The customer would not look at or acknowledge her. He spoke only to me. He looked only at me. I ended up having to make our drivers wait while I helped the customer. Did I mention that Daughter is African American?

After the customer left, I felt my cheeks burning. I apologized profusely to her. She smiled and shrugged with her typical grace and dignity and said, “I’m used to it.” That brought even more heat to my cheeks. How? How do you get used to that kind of treatment? I was caught off-guard that day, but trust me, the Mama Bear in me has thought long and hard since then about how I would handle the situation differently. I know nothing I do or say will change that gentleman’s prejudice, but his prejudice is not a guest that I will graciously welcome in our shop again while Daughter fades into oblivion. He can be helped by Daughter, or he can leave. I’m at peace with whatever he chooses.

Two scenarios... involving children... being affected in their workplace... and the love of protective parents responding.

The lives of both children need to be cherished. Balance and equality need to exist. Until they exist for both children, we will continue to struggle. Perhaps understanding the pain of the one child will help us understand and try to change the pain of the other child.

I’ve been writing this post for a couple of weeks now. I’ve swum many laps. Skied many slopes. Run many miles. Researched a lot. My conundrum is trying to figure out how to put words to my thoughts without being a part of the problem. I want to be part of the solution.

I’m embarrassed to say that I had to look up the history of suffrage in our country. My initial na?ve question was, “Who received the right to vote first—African Americans or women?” The answer is not simple. Women received the right to vote in many states and then lost it. Blacks received the right to vote in many states and then lost it. Native Americans, Chinese, white women, black men, black women...all received the right to vote at some moment in some state under certain conditions, but all lost the right.

The 13th Amendment emancipated slaves. The 15th Amendment gave men the right to vote without regard to race, color, or previous servitude. The 19th Amendment gave citizens the right to vote without regard to sex, after almost 100 years of protest. You would think the guarantee of a Constitutional Amendment would solve everything, but it never did. It still hasn’t.

Why? Because laws don’t change thought. Until thought changes, like that customer that walked into our shop, prejudice will dictate how business is really done. Until we don’t let it.

Did I mention I’ve been reading a lot? I read a whole timeline of the history of US suffrage. Do you know the only people who have always had the right to vote in our country? White men who own property and have enough money to pay taxes. This isn’t partisan or feminist; it’s just fact.

Every parent understands that frustration of meeting the needs of each child without appearing to play favorites. My oft-repeated phrase to my boys was, “It all comes out in the wash.” I know the boys hated to hear it, but it was the most concise way that I could explain, “Yes, today I’m giving Trevor a pass on doing the dishes because he has a big test to study for. Next week, Ian will get a pass because he has to work at Pizza Hut. It all comes out in the wash.” Parents keep an eye on the larger picture to make sure there is ultimately balance and equality.

The problem in our country is that our Constitution (and its Amendments)--the parent in this scenario--says the words, “It all comes out in the wash,” without ensuring there is ultimately balance and equality. The history of our country is this awful mash-up of Cinderella and Ground Hog Day. In our country’s version of the movie, Cinderella wakes up in the cinders each morning despite her best efforts. The step-sisters continue to benefit from their random birthright, at Cinderella’s expense. The cycle continues. There is never balance and equality.

I’m astounded that Cinderella can still sing to the mice and that Daughter can still shrug and smile and say, “I’m used to it.”

Let me ask you this? Would YOU be willing to get used to this?

The answer should be, “Heck NO!”

And that’s what is happening.

Cultures that have been cancelled have been smiling and shrugging and saying, “I’m used to it,” for too long. Their dignity and grace, their smiles and acceptance, their attempts to work with people instead of raging against them... have accomplished little to nothing.

A wise business owner constantly assesses the effects of business strategy. If the strategy isn’t producing positive results, then a wise business owner changes the strategy. Why should any segment of our US population be any less wise? If the strategy isn’t working, it’s time to change the strategy. Remember that old definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

Strategies are changing, and it’s messy. It's like cleaning out your closet. It might look worse before it looks better. This new strategy might not be the right one, but it’s a different one, and that’s what is important. The new strategy is pushing up against the comfort level of those that have never had to shrug and smile and say, “I’m used to it.” The new strategy is not smiling or subservient or willing to fade into oblivion. The new strategy is also not always nice, or friendly, or gracious. We don't like people that are not nice or friendly or gracious.

Change hardly ever happens without discomfort, without growing pains. It's human nature. It's discomfort, not comfort, that forces us to reassess and change. Would you really ever stop eating a whole pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia if you never gained weight? OK, maybe that's just me.

That all voices should have room and acceptance to be heard is part of the inherent foundation of our country. We also know voices can have dire, even deadly, consequences if allowed to speak without restriction. Who decides what voices should not be accepted because the consequences are too dire? Who decides what is considered too dire? Who decides what is acceptable?

The questions are not new. "Who" is new. "Who" is no longer a white man who owns property and has enough money to pay taxes. The complexion of our federal and local governments is starting to shift to reflect the complexion of America. The complexion of our courts is starting to shift to reflect the complexion of America. The complexion of our boardrooms is starting to shift to reflect the complexion of America. The complexion of those in power who control the systems in place that dictate every consequence that the rest of us feel is starting to shift to reflect the complexion of America. We're not anywhere close to where we need to be...yet.

I am sorry that reasonable, intelligent, needed young voices feel silenced in their workplace. I am sorry that Daughter disappears when seen through the lens of prejudice 156 years after the 13th Amendment was ratified.

Again, the lives of both children need to be cherished. Balance and equality need to exist. Until they exist for both children, we will continue to struggle. Perhaps understanding the pain of the one child will help us understand and try to change the pain of the other child.

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you." ~Philippians 4: 8, 9