A Culture of Kindness

In their work with the marginalised in London’s East End, Salvation Army founders William and Catherine Booth embodied kindness, highlighting that it is not merely a virtue but a practical response to the needs of others. As we celebrate World Kindness Day on 13 November, SALT explores the transformative power of kindness and how each of us can contribute to building a culture of kindness.

If you’ve ever experienced someone letting you jump into a queue at the supermarket or offer you an encouraging word when you needed it most, you’ve witnessed the profound impact of kindness. In a world often marked by division and stress, kindness offers a much-needed bridge to connection, by providing us with a universal language that transcends age, race, ethnicity, religion and identity. Kindness recognises that life is messy and complex for us all, and a little more kindness is something we could all benefit from. Kindness has the potential to transform the lives of both individuals and entire communities and, best of all, it is completely free! As Paddington Bear says, ‘It costs me nothing to be kind’.

Since its launch in 1998, World Kindness Day has been celebrated across every continent, aiming to highlight the positive power of kindness as a common thread that binds us all. In addition to World Kindness Day, in New Zealand we also acknowledge Random Acts of Kindness Day on 1 September each year. However, we don’t need to wait for a specific day on the calendar to practise kindness.

Kindness is recognised as a virtue, a personal trait and an action. For centuries, philosophers, psychologists and theologians have explored the meaning of kindness and generally agreed that it encompasses both a mindset and behaviour centred on helping others without expecting anything in return.

In a recent podcast,* Anglican Minister Rev Petra Zaleski emphasised that genuine kindness is focused on standing beside one another rather than an attempt to fix or problem-solve. ‘Kindness says we are all made in the image of God and worthy of love and acceptance. Kindness is equal—we can all give and receive it,’ shares Petra. ‘When we look someone in the eye and speak to them with honour and respect there is a connection beyond words. To love is to risk, without guarantee of return. That is what kindness is.’

The benefits of kindness

In the field of psychology, kindness is commonly defined as an act performed to benefit others. While this is certainly true, the documented benefits of kindness for the giver are equally significant.

In addition to enhancing our connections with others, kindness has been shown to reduce loneliness, elevate mood and improve self-esteem and interpersonal relationships. Physiologically, kindness can positively impact our brains by increasing levels of serotonin and dopamine. These neurotransmitters create feelings of satisfaction and activate the pleasure and reward centres in our brains. Giving and receiving kindness may also trigger the release of endorphins, which act as our body’s natural painkillers, and the decrease of cortisol, a hormone linked to stress levels.

In a recent study by the University of Oxford, participants were asked to carry out more acts of kindness than usual for someone close to them, and to actively observe the kind acts of others. The researchers discovered that both performing acts of kindness and actively observing kindness increased participants’ happiness levels. We often take cues from our leaders, coworkers and those we live with. A single act of kindness can influence not just the recipient but also those who witness it, positively impacting others as well. Kindness begets kindness—it truly is contagious.

The world’s largest ever study into kindness was conducted by the University of Sussex in 2021. Aptly named ‘The Kindness Test’, this study included 60,000 participants from 144 countries ranging in age from 18 to 99 years. The study found that all aspects of kindness—being kind, receiving kindness, and witnessing kindness—were more commonly reported by women. Income had zero correlation with overall reports of being kind, with those in high- and low-income brackets expressing and observing kindness equally.

Acts of kindness were most often observed in places like the home, medical settings, workplaces and retail stores. In contrast, the internet and public transport were the places where people identified fewer kind behaviours. This highlights the key role that community plays in fostering kindness, compared with more anonymous spaces like the internet.

Self-kindness

Kindness begins with how we treat ourselves. Research suggests that self-compassion, or the practice of being kind to ourselves, can significantly impact our interactions with others. Psychologists have found that individuals who speak kindly to themselves are more likely to exhibit kindness toward those around them. A study by Dr Kristin Neff highlights that people who engage in self-kindness experience less anxiety and are more empathetic and supportive toward others. Conversely, when we speak negatively to ourselves, we often project that negativity onto others, affecting our relationships and overall wellbeing.

The more we practise self-kindness, the more we can extend kindness to others. This highlights that kindness is not solely about how we treat those around us, but also how we direct those same behaviours and intentions toward ourselves. By cultivating self-kindness, we create the foundation for a more compassionate and connected world. For anyone looking to invite more kindness into their life, learning to be kind to oneself is the crucial first step.

Leading with kindness

Described by her colleagues as a ‘Kindness Ambassador’, Cairine Barton, practice development coordinator for Community Ministries, actively seeks opportunities to foster kindness at The Salvation Army Territorial Headquarters in Wellington. The mastermind behind many kind gestures and hilarious office antics, Cairine prefers to keep a low profile, letting her actions convey her desire to create a workplace where all experience connection, inclusion and kindness.

‘Acts of kindness are a way to encourage belonging, by creating spaces where everyone feels welcome, included, seen and heard, where you can be your unique self, and are invited to contribute to the wellbeing of all,’ shares Cairine. ‘There are no limits to how you can show kindness to others, it’s about being open and aware of the opportunities that present multiple times every day—checking in with people you know and taking time to engage with those that you don’t, paying for the loaf of bread for the person who is standing in the supermarket queue counting out their coins, stopping to help others to use a street parking meter, or even as simple as noticing that someone is looking tired and offering to make them a cup of tea.’

Psychologist Dr Christina Baird is so passionate about the transformative power of kindness in the workplace that she founded a business called The Kindness Workshop. Christina provides coaching for leaders in the health and social services to develop what she describes as a ‘radical culture of kindness’ in their workplaces.

Christina’s background in social and organisational psychology led her to examine the potential role and impact that intentional kindness could have in the workplace. ‘There is only so much picking up individuals from the bottom of the cliff you can do without wanting to go up to the top of the cliff and change the systems. Kindness is a magic ingredient that can transform work environments into places where individuals experience psychological safety and are valued and accepted in the fullness of themselves,’ explains Christina.

‘A lot of people think that kindness is about being nice, pleasant or polite, but it is much more complex than that,’ says Christina. ‘Kindness is about seeing people and witnessing them as they are; it’s about understanding and acknowledging feelings; it is also the ability to consider our own and different perspectives. When we do this, we can work towards creating a culture of kindness and wellbeing in our places of work.’

Kindness in action

The Bible provides us with many illustrations of kindness. Jesus not only modelled kindness and compassion in his words and actions but also through the parables he shared. Many other biblical figures, such as Ruth, Boaz, Tabitha and Joseph demonstrated kindness in their interactions with others, providing us with practical examples of kindness in action.

As Christ followers, we know that kindness is one of the fruit of the Spirit, and it is something we can ask God to nurture in us. Developing these spiritual fruits is a partnership with God, and through prayer we can seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance to respond with kindness in our daily lives. Kindness transformed lives in biblical times, and it continues to have the power to do the same today.

The tagline for this year’s World Kindness Day is ‘Make kindness the norm’. By actively practising kindness we cultivate empathy and compassion, creating spaces for dialogue and connection—even among those with differing perspectives—while also reflecting the love and kindness of God. Kindness benefits us as individuals, enriches our schools and workplaces and strengthens the communities we are part of. As Aesop, the ancient Greek storyteller, wisely said, ‘No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted’. Each of us can show up with kindness and make a positive impact on the world. Like many good things, we grow kinder with practise. Where can you identify opportunities to make kindness the norm and foster a culture of kindness today? ?

* Sunday Sanctuary episode: The Kindness of Strangers

Originally published in the November 2024 issue of SALT Magazine