Cultural Optimization | Building Bridges: Peaches VS Coconuts

Why Americans are like Peaches and French like Coconuts?

In the span of just one year, I had the opportunity to immerse myself in two vastly different cultures: American and French, and I realized that some cultures are easier to make friends and create connections than others.

Despite living in a hyperconnected world, cross-cultural misunderstandings still have the power to offend. This is because each side's value system, shaped by cultural norms, may seem illogical or even absurd to the other. Let's analyze how exploring the world through the lens of "peaches" and "coconuts" can be beneficial in facilitating cross-cultural understanding."

Why Peaches and Coconuts?

Coconuts have a tough exterior, representing the initial barriers and reserved nature of coconut cultures. However, once you crack open a coconut, you discover the sweetness inside, symbolizing the warmth and depth of relationships that can be formed once trust is established.

On the other hand, peaches have a soft and inviting exterior, reflecting the initial friendliness and openness of peach cultures. However, once you reach the pit inside, you realize that deeper connections and personal sharing may be more limited.

To exemplify the peach culture, let's take a closer look at American cultural tendencies. Americans are known for their easygoing nature, readily engaging in small talk and personal conversations with strangers. It is common to exchange personal stories, opinions, and even intimate details with acquaintances or coworkers.

This openness fosters an atmosphere of familiarity, allowing for relatively quick and easy connections to be formed.

In contrast, French culture embodies more of the coconut characteristics. The French place a greater emphasis on formality and take time to establish trust and intimacy in relationships. Initial interactions with French individuals may be more reserved, focusing on polite exchanges and maintaining a certain level of distance.

However, once trust is built and a deeper connection is established, French individuals reveal their warmth and genuine selves.

This theory was initially identified by the psychologist Kurt Lewin, and popularized by the great professor Erin Meyer, author of the book "The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business".

A peach dropped among coconuts

I consider myself a peach, a fruit of the warm Brazilian culture (pun intended). During my time living in Texas, I had the opportunity to "couch surf" through five different family homes, most of which I did not know beforehand. It turned out to be one of the greatest and most delightful cultural shocks of my life because these families, despite being strangers, gave me one of the warmest welcomes I have ever experienced. It was truly a lifelong lesson in hospitality.

Not only did they provide me with physical shelter, but also with overflowing love, emotional safety, some of the most memorable breakfasts I have ever had, and even petty cash at times so I could enjoy myself.

I will be forever grateful and humbled by this extraordinary experience.

However...fast forward one year and you will find me in Paris, trying to find my way couch surfing through France. The experience could not be more drastically different from what I had in America.

I made the mistake of visiting coconuts while expecting sweet and soft peaches.

Without delving into too many details, I can say that feeling unwelcome was an understatement. When I tried to express my concerns to my Brazilian friends who were living in France, they told me that I was actually lucky to receive the treatment I was getting. In Parisian culture, it could be considered a VIP welcome.

Two cultures, two fruits, two distinct outcomes.

Helping Coconuts living among Peaches

1. Be Open and Expressive: Recognize that peaches value open communication and appreciate personal sharing. While it may feel uncomfortable at first, try to engage in small talk, share anecdotes, and express your thoughts and feelings more openly. This can help bridge the gap between your reserved nature and the expectations of the peach culture.
2. Initiate Conversations: Take the initiative to engage in conversations with peaches. Ask about their interests, hobbies, or opinions on various topics. By showing genuine interest in getting to know them, you can help create a more comfortable and open atmosphere.
3. Find Common Ground: Look for shared interests or experiences that can serve as a starting point for building connections with peaches. This could be a hobby, a favorite TV show, or even a sports team. Finding common ground can help create a sense of camaraderie and facilitate more meaningful conversations.
4. Adapt Nonverbal Communication: Pay attention to nonverbal cues and adapt your body language accordingly. Peaches may expect more eye contact, smiling, and expressive gestures during conversations. By consciously adjusting your nonverbal communication, you can convey openness and receptiveness, even if it doesn't come naturally to you.

Helping Peaches living among Coconuts

1. Respect Personal Boundaries: Understand that coconuts value personal space and privacy. Avoid prying into personal matters or sharing intimate details too quickly. Instead, focus on building trust gradually and allowing coconuts to open up at their own pace.
2. Appreciate Formality: Recognize that coconuts may prefer a more formal approach to interactions. Practice courteous and respectful behavior, using appropriate titles and greetings. Avoid over-familiarity until a deeper relationship is established.
3. Show Interest in Their Culture: Demonstrate curiosity and respect for the coconut culture. Ask questions about their customs, traditions, and history. Showing an interest in their background can help establish a connection and foster mutual understanding.
4. Be Patient and Persistent: Building relationships with coconuts may take time and require patience. Avoid rushing the process and be persistent in your efforts to connect. Consistency and genuine interest can help coconuts feel more comfortable and open up over time.

Reference

Special thanks to Erin Meyer for her always inspiring insights.