Cultivating Relationships with People We Don’t Like (Yet)

Cultivating Relationships with People We Don’t Like (Yet)

What happens when there is someone you must engage with on a regular basis (whether at work, in your community, or your family) who you don’t necessarily connect with or like (yet)? How do you get on board when you don’t feel 100% inspired by the person who has been selected to lead your business, organization, or community?

This past week, two leaders, whom I deeply respect and admire, shared stories of how they are trying to find ways to connect with their leaders whom they don’t necessarily like (yet). One leader discussed his struggle with a colleague because of the colleague’s abrasive style; ironically this person is someone his wife respected so he was trying to trust his wife’s opinion. The other leader described his struggle as a possible clash between his colleague’s cultural background with his own upbringing so he was focused on understanding his supervisor’s country of origin.

Both leaders also shared that some of the colleagues they were deeply connected to now were people who they didn’t necessarily connect with at first. However, over time and through shared experiences they were able to overlook, and sometimes even embrace differences to achieve a meaningful vision and outcome for the organization.

The questions we explored in client coaching sessions were:

  • How do we balance putting our egos aside while still trusting our feelings and intuitive hits, in service of achieving a meaningful vision?
  • Is it possible to shift the experience from one of disconnection to one of connection by showing up differently and finding meaningful ways to cultivate trust in order to develop a better, possibly more meaningful relationship?
  • Do strong relationships develop because of a connection-at-first (like love at first sight) or do they develop over time based on a shared vision and set of meaningful and trustworthy experiences?
  • How much time is needed to solidify the relationship?
  • When do we throw in the towel and say,?This isn’t going to work. It’s time for me to honor my well-being, quit, and find another situation that better suits my personal values and needs?

Click here?for the full worksheet that offers additional thought questions to reflect and journal on and even discuss with a good friend that might address the struggle of initial disconnection

Well said, Cathy. I have experienced this multiple times in my career.

Oliseyenum Nwose

Pharma/Biotech Executive/Vice President, Medical Affairs/Director, Experimental Therapeutics/Strategic Advisor/Consultant/Devices/Diagnostics/Laboratories/Inclusive Leadership/Mentor

2 年

Thank you for your post Cathy. I start by giving trust. In my opinion, there are fewer people who wake up daily with the sole purpose of "destroying the world". Naive, some would say. With mindfulness and critical thinking, that initial deposit of "trust" can then be nurtured by all stakeholders.

Rick Gardner, MCEC

Coaching executive leaders to tap into their deepest potential and reach new heights

2 年

Cathy-This is a wonderful topic for all of us to explore more deeply. It is a great opportunity to shift our mindset and experiment with different ways of engaging others outside of our comfort zone. Intentional work in cultivating relationships with people you don’t like (yet) has the potential to create profound and positive changes. Thanks for sharing this!

Andrea Joseph

Commercial photographer with a focus on business lifestyle, education and professional portraits.

2 年

Engaging with co-workers with personalities distinct from mine can be a challenge, but I try to see it as an opportunity to incorporate a different point of view or approach to the task at hand. My hope is that this approach cultivates an environment of inclusion and enrichment rather than disfunction.

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Debra J. Bass

Board Advisor/C-Suite Business Leader/Growth Architect & Accelerator/Master & Modern Marketer/Networker Extraordinaire

2 年

An important topic. From my experience, the disconnect is usually not personal but about having different beliefs/perspectives around an issue or recommended action. Talking it out to reach common ground helps. It’s okay to respectfully disagree but important to treat each other with respect!

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