Cultivating love & worth in others: Becoming a better ally

“We’re here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark.”?— Whoopi Goldberg

Today is Thank a Mentor Day—a time set aside to recognize the parents, teachers, friends, colleagues, managers, and leaders who are helping others realize their full potential. Throughout January,?National Mentoring Month ?is good reason to reflect on elevating the experience of others through the power of mentoring relationships. The benefits of having a mentor are indisputable:??of those with a mentor at Fortune 500 companies, 97% say that having a mentor is valuable, and the majority surveyed will go on to mentor others. There’s a strong case that mentoring has boosted minority representation at the management level from 9% to 24%. Unfortunately, only 37% of professionals say they have a mentor.?[1] ??It’s clear the business world needs more mentors to help all humans reach their potential and to advance diversity and inclusion.

I believe we all have an opportunity—and a responsibility—to play a role in elevating the experience of others.??In my book Elevating the Human Experience, and here in?a recent blog , I describe the four types of allies—friends, mentors, sponsors, and benefactors—and the important role each plays in our lives. Each has a willingness to pay attention to someone other than themselves and an understanding that giving away attention and energy can feel wonderful and rewarding. Each perceives a worth in another that is as high as or higher than the individual might perceive on their own.?This ‘Mirrored worth’ helps others grow and flourish. That is why my philosophy of leadership is a philosophy of love because what we pay attention to grows.?How can we become better friends, mentors, sponsors, and benefactors? We are better allies when we consciously and intentionally give our support, our voice, our power, or all three, to another individual. We reach out. We speak up. We show up.?We make a difference by sharing our kindness, our wisdom, and sometimes, our influence.

Here are three ways to become a better ally:

1.??Accept and love another’s whole self as worthy, just for being alive. In my experience, believing that others who are least like us are worthy of our loving acceptance takes work. Loving easy-to-love people can be easy, but most workplaces, have people of a wide variety of backgrounds, some of whom may be harder to love. I’ve learned that I can learn more about loving and accepting others from those who are difficult to love than those who are easy to love. This feeling of being loved and accepted helps increase another’s sense of worth, and in turn, helps them to grow.

2.?????Speak to each other with words of love.?Words of kindness, feedback offered in words of truth to help someone grow, and words of apology easily offered and readily accepted are just three examples of what loving words sound like in the workplace. These words are important to personal growth, even when they are hard to say and especially when they are to hear.

3.?????Choose to love with your actions. One of my longtime mentors, Jamie Higgins, shared a thought that has stayed with me: loving in action is loving each person you come across with the intention of leaving them better off no matter how brief the exchange. That could mean inviting a junior team member to participate in a special project or nominating a colleague for a leadership position. The biggest challenge is not just elevating the human experience but helping others believe that they could do it as well.

For me, I am continuously learning how to accept another, speak with words of kindness, and show up to love with action. I try to seek out opportunities to elevate the human experience as a friend, a mentor, a sponsor, or a benefactor. The journey is never complete. On #ThankAMentorDay and every day, I am grateful to all the people who I love, who love me, and help to elevate my experience of being human at work. In particular, I want to thank Jamie Higgins, Sandi Pocharski, Jim Cutler, Doug Mackenzie, Enshalla Anderson, Bob Lurie, Ambar Chowdhury, Vincent Firth, Anthony Stephan, and Dan Helfrich. I hope you’ll take a moment to reach out to those who have helped you to believe in your own worth with a word of gratitude. And feel free to shout out their names in the comments below!

As you set out on your own journey toward?Elevating the Human Experience , I hope you’ll join our community in an exchange of ideas on accepting others and ways to positively impact their ability to grow.

[1] ?https://www.thementorcoachfoundation.org/resources/mentoring-statistics-the-research-you-need-to-know .

DeMets DL, Stormo G, Boehnke M, Louis TA, Taylor J, Dixon D. 2006. Training of the next generation of biostatisticians: a call to action in the U.S. Stat Med. 25(20):3415-3429.

Forbes.com/sites/christinecomaford/2019/07/03/new-study-76-of-people-think-mentors-are-important-but-only-37-have-one/?sh=2cd1a3c43297

Forbes.com/sites/christinecomaford/2019/07/03/new-study-76-of-people-think-mentors-are-important-but-only-37-have-one/?sh=2cd1a3c43297

Nationalmentoringday.org/facts-and-faq/