Cultivating Growth: A Reflective Practice Exercise

Cultivating Growth: A Reflective Practice Exercise

As I look outside the skylight window next to me it's abundantly clear that the nights are drawing in and we're getting ready to not only turn the page on the calendar, but get a whole new calendar ready!

I don't know about you but this year has flown by! It has been full; full of fun and great time spent with family and friends, it’s been productive with the start of new projects to work on and people to work with and it’s been inspiring, with lots of insight’s being passed through conversation or reading.

It’s also been full of challenge, self-doubt, heartbreak, anguish, moments of frustration and moments where it’s felt like an absolute victory to be treading water rather than powering through lengths.

With so many learning opportunities it would be a shame to let them pass without a piece of introspection and, if you know me, you know how much I bang on about reflection!

So, consider this article not just an introduction but a friendly nudge for some and a gentle reminder for others of a reflective practice exercise based, primarily, around the concept of Roses, Buds and Thorns (with an added element of Petals).

This can easily be done as a self-reflective exercise, or with a peer, a team you work with, with coaching clients and even children and your family to reflect and plan the next period.

Roses: Celebrating Successes and Achievements

Begin the exercise by identifying the "roses" of the past year—those moments of success, personal growth, and achievements.

Consider professional accomplishments, personal milestones, and any positive experiences that stand out. Reflecting on these highlights sets the stage for acknowledging your strengths and celebrating the journey.

Here are some suggestions:

  • With yourself: Take a quiet moment to journal about your personal roses from the past year. What are you most proud of? What accomplishments brought you joy and fulfilment?
  • With a peer: Share your successes with a trusted friend or colleague. Allow them to share theirs as well, creating a supportive space for mutual celebration.
  • With a coachee: If you're a coach working with a client, guide them through a discussion about their proudest moments and achievements.
  • With your children: Encourage children to express what made them proud in the past year. This can include school achievements, personal accomplishments, or positive experiences.

Some questions that I have used that help with this are: (you can adjust "I" to "you")

  • How did I feel when I first learned about the success? Can I identify any patterns in those emotions?
  • Which skills or strengths did I use to my advantage in this successful experience?
  • Are there parts of my life where I regularly do well, and what things help maintain that success?
  • Which accomplishments am I particularly proud of, and what makes them significant to me?
  • How did I establish and work towards the goals that resulted in these accomplishments?
  • Did I work with others to reach these goals, and if so, how did our collaboration contribute to success?

Thorns: Learning from Challenges and Setbacks

No journey is without its challenges. Reflect on the "thorns" of the past year—the obstacles, setbacks, or difficulties that presented themselves. By acknowledging and learning from these challenges, you can pave the way for resilience and personal development.

  • With yourself: Journal about the challenges you faced and the lessons you learned. How did these experiences contribute to your growth?
  • With a peer: Share your thorns with someone you trust. Discuss how these challenges shaped you and what insights you gained from overcoming them.
  • With a coachee: Encourage your coachee to openly discuss their challenges. Explore strategies for turning setbacks into opportunities for growth and learning. Discuss strategies with them to overcome challenges, hindrances, or limiting beliefs, much like pruning away the thorns that impede the growth of the rose.
  • With your children: Create a safe space for your children to talk about the challenges they faced. Discuss how these experiences can be valuable lessons and encourage them to share their feelings and insights.

Some questions that I have used that help with this are: (you can adjust "I" to "you")

  • What were the main challenges or obstacles that came up during this experience?
  • How did I first react to these challenges, both in terms of my feelings and my actions?
  • Did I reach out to others for help or advice when dealing with these difficulties? If I did, who and how did their support make a difference?
  • What strategies or problem-solving methods did I use to overcome the obstacles I faced?
  • Looking back, were there any signals or signs that hinted at the possibility of encountering these challenges? If so, did I notice them at the time?
  • How can I use the insights gained from overcoming these difficulties to better navigate challenges in the future?
  • What did I discover about my own ways of coping and my ability to bounce back when things got tough?

Buds: Exploring New Opportunities and Potential Growth

After acknowledging the roses, shift your focus to the "buds"—the potentials and opportunities for growth in the upcoming year. Consider areas where you want to develop new skills, foster meaningful relationships, or embark on exciting ventures. Where below I use the term list - the aim here is to pick one bud to work on initially.

  • With yourself: List the areas of your life where you see potential for growth. What opportunities excite you? What new experiences do you want to cultivate?
  • With a peer: Discuss your aspirations and listen to your peer's goals. Offer support and encouragement as you both explore new possibilities.
  • With a coachee: Work collaboratively with your coachee to identify their budding opportunities. Support them in creating actionable steps to nurture these potentials.
  • With your children: Facilitate a discussion about their goals and dreams for the new year. Encourage them to share what they are looking forward to and help them map out ways to nurture these budding opportunities.

Some questions that I have used that help with this are: (you can adjust "I" to "you")

  • How can I break down the process of learning into smaller steps so that I can make progress more easily?
  • Are there mentors or experts in these areas who I can turn to for learning and guidance?
  • What specific goals can I set to keep track of how I am progressing in acquiring these new skills?
  • What qualities do I appreciate in meaningful relationships, whether they're personal or professional?
  • Who are the individuals in my life currently making positive contributions to my growth and well-being?
  • What actions can I take to care for and strengthen my existing relationships, making them more meaningful?
  • Are there new connections I would like to build, and what shared interests or values do I have with potential new relationships?
  • Who can be a reliable support system or accountability partner as I strive towards these goals?
  • What practical steps can I take today to initiate progress toward these goals?
  • How can I maintain motivation and accountability as I go through the journey of pursuing these aspirations?

Letting Go: Releasing the Rose Petals

In this exercise we think about the petals that are representing aspects of your life that may be holding you back, hindering your growth.

  • With yourself: Acknowledge habits, beliefs, or behaviours that may be withering, akin to rose petals past their prime. Recognise aspects of your life that may be holding you back, clinging like petals to a stem, that you can release, creating space for new opportunities and personal evolution.
  • With a peer: Explore how you can support each other in cultivating respective buds while letting go of hindrances. Schedule regular check-ins with your peer to discuss progress on identified goals and provide mutual support. Collaboratively set actionable steps to support each other in the cultivation of seeds and the process of letting go.
  • With a coachee: Discuss strategies with your coach to overcome challenges, hindrances, or limiting beliefs, much like pruning away the thorns that impede the growth of the rose. Work with your client to encourage them to embrace a growth mindset, viewing challenges as opportunities for growth, similar to how a rose thrives in different conditions. Help them develop a personalised metaphorical garden, mapping out specific goals as budding roses and identifying hindrances as elements that need pruning. With the aim of gaining appreciation of a continuous cycle of reflection and growth, symbolising the ever-growing and evolving nature of a well-tended rose garden.

Some questions that I have used that help with this are: (you can adjust "I" to "you")

  • What parts of my life regularly make me feel stressed or anxious?
  • Are there habits I often repeat that might be slowing down my progress?
  • In which areas do I feel less sure of myself or less skilled?
  • Are there relationships in my life that take away my energy instead of adding positivity?
  • What fears or beliefs about myself and my abilities might be holding me back?
  • Are there places or situations that consistently make me feel uneasy or unsatisfied?
  • Do I set limits or expect too much from myself, which could be getting in the way of my progress?

As this is often a very tricky section to process (especially if you have lots of self-limiting thoughts / negative self talk) you might find it better to work through this section with a safe person, who knows your strengths and can support you to see both sides, or a coach.

The Magnificent 7 (very general) tips from me if you do find this section heavy:

  1. Aspects causing stress or anxiety:Practice stress management techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or mindfulness. Identify and prioritise tasks to manage time effectively. Seek support from friends, family, a coach or a medical professional to discuss concerns.
  2. Recurring patterns or habits hindering progress:Set specific, achievable goals to break down larger tasks into manageable steps. Establish new, positive habits and reinforce them through consistent practice. Seek accountability from a friend or family member to help break negative patterns.
  3. Areas of low confidence or competence:Focus on building skills and knowledge in those areas through learning and practice. Celebrate small successes to boost confidence gradually. Seek guidance or mentorship from someone experienced in those areas.
  4. Relationships draining energy:Assess the impact of relationships on your well-being and consider setting healthy boundaries. Communicate openly with those involved to address concerns and improve dynamics. Cultivate and prioritise relationships that contribute positively to your life.
  5. Fears or limiting beliefs:Challenge and reframe negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Gradually expose yourself to situations that trigger fears to build resilience. Seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional to address underlying beliefs.
  6. Uncomfortable or unfulfilling environments or situations:Identify aspects causing discomfort and explore ways to modify or adapt to them. Set small goals to gradually increase comfort in challenging situations. Evaluate if it's possible to change or remove yourself from consistently unfulfilling environments.
  7. Self-imposed limitations or expectations:Reflect on unrealistic expectations and set more achievable goals. Challenge perfectionist tendencies and focus on progress rather than perfection. Seek guidance from mentors or coaches to gain perspective on self-imposed limitations.

*Keep in mind, these tips are meant for everyone, but the exact ways to use them might be different depending on your personal situation*

As we come to and end, let me leave you with this, you work through this reflective exercise, recognise that the preceding year forms a wealth of diverse experiences, while the approaching year unfolds as a canvas of possibilities for growth and transformation.

Take a moment to acknowledge the achievements - the roses, recognise the budding opportunities - the buds, and derive valuable lessons from challenges - the thorns.

Questions from me:

  • What helps you end well? (be it the year, or project or even the week!)
  • How will you set yourself to succeed for the time to come?
  • How can you keep track of your Roses, Buds and Thorns throughout the coming period to support your personal and professional growth?



Grace Marshall

Chief Encourager, Productivity Ninja, award-winning author & keynote speaker. Transforming how organisations approach work, change, and challenge.

11 个月

Love the rose metaphor Ben!

David Thackray

Supporting individuals, teams and organisations to achieve results through engaging talent development solutions/ Developing talent/ people strategies, creating a culture to be proud of through transformational change.

11 个月

Once again this thought provoking article hits the spot. How I miss working alongside you Benjamin Murray. From this article I remember our reflection days at events or conferences which took us out of our natural environment and enabled us to reflect on what’s gone before and consider what the future held for us as team talent. I also reflected on a turbulent year of change personally with an abundance of roses blooming, the thorns that I navigated and the buds presenting themselves as you nurture and cultivate how I want the future to pan out. More work to do in reviewing 2023 and planning for 2024 and how I via Northstar can make the biggest difference. Keep up the great work BM, we are well overdue one of our conversations.

Fantastic article, we're big fans of recording reflections and this article sums it up perfectly!

Graham Field

Senior Consultant

11 个月

That’s a great way to look at things, Benjamin - and some great reflective questions in there, thanks!

Marie Savage

I would always rather be happy than dignified - Charlotte Bront?

11 个月

Love this Ben. The visual prompt of roses, buds, and thorns I can really get behind. Deffo doing this towards New Year. Thanks my friend for the inspo ??

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