Cultivating a Curiosity Mindset

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” – Seneca the Younger, Roman Stoic Philosopher

Recently, a high-level executive confided in me that she felt completely thrown off balance when she discovered she was left out of a project that she had been excited to join. Her colleagues were equally surprised about her absence on the team, but the exec-- I’ll call her Elizabeth-- had lost herself in the emotions of resentment and confusion. She had forgotten the simplest of solutions to a problem or confusing situation: to ask why? “I was so hurt that it was hard for me to face him [the project leader] in the other meetings we both attended”, she admitted.

Although Elizabeth had been avoiding her co-worker for several weeks, I suggested that she approach him to ask why she had not received an invite. Once confronted, he instantly admitted that he had been equally confused. In his mind, she had indeed been invited, but had not responded to the invitation. As it turns out, the email had gotten stuck in his Drafts folder without his knowledge. Elizabeth was stunned, "all I needed to do was call and ask!" A simple mistake, with complex consequences.

Let’s break down this (not uncommon) situation:

• An undetected technological glitch occurred
• The glitch contributed to a misunderstanding on both sides of an important communication
• Efficiency, productivity and cohesiveness of both the team and the project were compromised
• Feelings were hurt, time was wasted, lines of communication broke down
• It took one question to resolve the miscommunication

 So, what if Elizabeth had allowed herself to maintain a distance from her instinctive reaction and had become gently curious instead---before her perception of the situation dictated her actions? What if she had simply asked herself, “what else could this mean?”

So often, we allow the stories of our own invention to cloud a situation that might have been resolved in a matter of minutes. When we ‘shake things up’ and find the courage to ask the questions that will uncover the truth, we may be surprised to find the solution or answer was far simpler than we thought.

But what if the response isn’t what we were hoping to hear?

“My life has taught me to be more curious than afraid.” -Ishi, the last of the Yahi People

It takes courage to face the truth in all its sound & fury; the answer to your question may not be what you hoped or expected.

If you find yourself triggered by something that someone else says or does, I recommend you stay grounded and remind yourself of Mel Schwartz’ 5% Rule: by finding even the tiniest point of agreement [5%] with what the other person is saying and acknowledging them, as Schwartz says, “the results can be astonishing”.      

The momentary reprieve from disharmony can give you the chance to take a breath and become open again, to interrupt your tight hold on the story in your head. You now have a nanosecond to determine whether any of the other person’s points have merit, or if there might possibly be a different interpretation of what you believe they are saying. Again…ask. And keep asking.

This is what is meant by cultivating a curiosity mindset: you may still disagree with the majority of their reasoning, but the jewel in the lotus is that you may discover a truth about yourself or the situation that you had not thought of before. This in turn, may lead to greater efficiencies or more creative solutions than either party was able to come up with on their own.

This article was originally published in the Association for Talent Development blog.

Greg Zlevor is the President and Founder of Westwood International and FOG (For Our Growth). He has over 25 years of experience in executive leadership development and education and has served as a coach, consultant, and facilitator for companies across the globe, using a humanistic approach that emphasizes emotional intelligence and fosters community.

Greg is a impactful and engaging speaker and facilitator on such topics as executive education and development, coaching, consulting, facilitation, and cultural improvement.