Cultivating connections with allies: The second path
“My experience is what I agree to attend to.
Only those items I notice shape my mind.”
-William James, “Father of American Philosophy”
?While nine out of ten people say that it matters to feel worthy (the topic of the previous blog in this series) it also matters to recognize the individual worth of others, namely our colleagues at work. Like the popular legend often attributed to the Cherokee or Lenape people about two wolves fighting as a metaphor for the conflicts between good and evil, what we pay attention to grows. I’ve tried to pay attention to what it would look like if we were to see each other as worthy humans every day and how I can consciously grow to become a better ally at work.
The thing that the four types of ally—friend, mentor, sponsor, and benefactor—have in common is the willingness to pay attention to someone other than ourselves. Being on the receiving end of another’s undivided attention feels great. Giving away your undivided attention to someone else can also feel great. ?Both make your heart feel full. That feeling leads to what I call mirrored worth—when we feel seen by others as worthy as much as we recognize our own worth.
My former boss and I reflected on the people who had been a part of our careers and the different roles people played in our lives. Some were friends who were with us on the journey, some were mentors, offering words of wisdom that helped us to see obstacles in a new way, others used their own position and power to act on our behalf as sponsors, and others became benefactors, who gave us unconditional love and confidence to grow in ways we had not thought possible over the arc of our careers.
What I find most fascinating is they are all different and all necessary as part of our journey to see our worth mirrored back to us through others around us. We need a mix of friends, mentors, sponsors, and allies in our lives, as they each have a role to play. There are times I thought I was looking for a mentor, when in fact I needed a sponsor or benefactor willing to lend me their power to help remove obstacles.
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Today I find myself thinking differently about my colleagues who are at earlier stages of their careers. I used to think that being a friend was enough or offering encouraging words as a mentor so they could see their own worth. Now I realize I need to be a better ally by using whatever personal or positional power I may have to make sure they feel worthy of love. This has meant inviting junior team members to meetings, asking to hear from different voices who may be reluctant to speak up for fearing of being talked over, or scheduling sponsorship working sessions with women and underrepresented minorities on my team.?I am learning how I can shift from being a friend or mentor to serve as a better sponsor and benefactor for my colleagues to help them flourish.
I am learning that while it is not easy—and I may even find some people challenging to love—I can love others enough to elevate their experience of being human.
As you embark on your journey to Elevating the Human Experience, please join our community in an exchange of ideas on accepting others and ways to positively impact their ability to grow.
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3 年Read this Ammro Hussein ????
I was interviewed for a PR specialist role early on in my career - aged 25. I had an education in marketing and three years of experience working with travel clients - but no PR experience. However the interviewer became my boss when she saw my worth and offered me the role in her team. She always put her team first and asked for, listened to and often took action from our views. She involved us in conversations that felt 'too senior' to me as a new starter. In month one I was in a room with over 20 country leaders delivering a presentation about our EMEA PR strategy! It was terrifying (but also fun!). For the three years we worked together she believed in me and her team. She was a brilliant ally and that early experience taught me many positive things and some valuable principles that I still carry around with me today and use myself. As with most people - feeling worthy and recognising self worth is a daily challenge. But you're right - what we pay attention to grows. Its worth having a note of these moments to refer to when self doubt creeps in. Laurence Dalmasso - this story is about you. And in case I never said it before - thank you - am sure Nicola Finn would agree! Thanks for the post Amelia Dunlop. ??
Social Media & Community Strategist | Content Creator | Solopreneur | AI Trainer | Comedy Event Producer
3 年I've had a long time mentor (ally) who took the time to elevate my skillsets and confidence. We're still friends to this day and we reminisce from time to time on what my work life was before. I'm now paying it forward by being an ally to another young person. Thanks for your post.