Cultivating change through empathetic leadership

When you take a look back into the world, tell me... What do you see? Do you see people? Do you see problems? Do you see opportunity? Do you see change? Do you see division? Or do you see growth?

Sometimes I wonder what happened to compassion, perseverance, leadership, and maybe even love? Last year, I learned and grew so much. I learned that most of the issues that we face at work or in our personal lives are not usually about us. They are actually about growth in trust and the people that we serve. These people look to us for approval, strategy, decisions, commitment, and most importantly guidance.

I think a lot of us struggle with authenticity and when it's appropriate to show our true selves, especially me. Work life turns into this internal struggle where we are constantly caught wondering if it's okay to be ourselves because of how others may or may not perceive us. I struggled with judgement the most in and out of the corporate environment. But, when I learned to trust my authenticity and focus on the people who I serve, it ultimately led to me revolutionizing a city within the State of Maryland by winning my very first election.

My hope for this article is to showcase that we can all learn from each other and lead from where we are. Leadership does not ask that we forget who we are. Leadership asks that we grow into the person that we were always meant to become.

Learning Experience #1:

Jean-Philippe Courtois - Executive Vice President of Global Marketing, Sales, and Operations, Microsoft

When I met Jean-Philippe Courtois last year, I met strength. Funny that it all started with one simple email, the type of email that most employees assume that they would never get a reply to because it's being sent to a person who reports to the CEO of a trillion dollar company... Last year during Microsoft's annual GIVE campaign, I sent JP a letter expressing my admiration of his leadership and sadness about how I could not afford to participate in the charity auction to shadow him. So, I did what most would advise against and asked him if he could post another opportunity so that I could donate at a lower cost for someone newer to career.

Two hours later, I had an email in my inbox saying, "No Roxy, you can do it for free and I look forward to meeting you. -JP"

I was shocked! You know.. Some people assume that once you get to a certain level that you stop being human and I think I'm guilty of thinking the same thing too. I felt this way about JP before I wrote him. It's an interesting reality! Many of us think that executives are unreachable to most employees, as if they just automatically stop caring about the people which they serve because of the level that they have reached.

Years ago, I made a promise to myself to never be this type of leader. I promised myself that I would always be accessible no matter what level I reached because that is how you build trust.

When I first approached JP with the idea of shadowing him for a day, I had no idea that I could expect a response within hours which would ultimately lead to an amazing opportunity to get to know someone so drastically different from me in many ways.

During my time with JP, I learned that we were actually much more similar than I thought. The amount of things that this man has gone through is unbelievable! Starting with a company in your twenties and rising to the top is no easy task, especially when you experience loss along the way. I admired him so much because of it. It reminded me of the time when I was sitting in class and found out minutes later that I had lost my cousin to Lupus. I was required to act like it was all okay when in reality, it wasn't. But I still had to lead my group project. Because I kept thinking to myself if not me, then who?

When I spent the day shadowing JP to experience what it would be like to be the Executive Vice President of Global Sales Marketing & Operations for this small company that we call Microsoft, he opened my eyes. He showed that everything that is done with one person has the capability to affect another. Sometimes in the U.S. we can become so focused on what happens here that it causes many of us to turn a blind eye to global affairs that can affect every product, every person, and every interaction directly. Awareness was the key to staying at the forefront of innovation. So we made that our mission.

We met with several people to hear them and understand what they needed to help their teams be successful as middle level managers within a huge company. We met with several customers to learn what innovation meant to them and what they needed to see from Microsoft to help them get there. We met with several start-ups to build partnerships on how they were starting their businesses, how they were storing their data, and what we could provide them to accelerate their growth. We met with societal entities to learn about ways we could collaborate to enhance workforce development within growing markets without one five minute break. Although, these experiences and meetings were all very different, they still tied together! They showed me the massive depth that it takes to motivate 20,000 employees globally and enable the world to drive forward in times of opportunity and unrest. They showed me that you don't have to have a title to lead from were you are. JP showed me that despite our cultural differences, it was still important for me to have a voice in order to bring my diversity to the table so that we could all learn from each other!

Throughout all these experiences, what I learned from JP was far beyond his vision, way of talking, or empathy. It was his ability to truly see me, truly include me, grow from my feedback of his leadership, embrace my ideas, listen to the customer, and partner with groups that may not have been qualified in order to guide all parties to the best possible result together. Many executives simply delegate by projecting their responsibilities onto others, but he didn't. He listened and applauded the customer. He didn't shy away from crazy ideas, in fact, he even broadened our minds so that we could possibly see just how crazy his ideas might have been too! Globally, he never forgot the influences of other cultures all over the world and how their decisions may impact other areas.

It takes strength to lead when things get rough, it takes strength to innovate, it takes strength to overcome hardship, and it takes strength to truly see people. What I learned from him was that it's not about what people think of you or the occurrence... Leadership is about how you can understand others and expand their minds. It's about what you do when no one is looking. It's about keeping your head up during the days that you face tragedy and no one knows… It's about leading at all times, seeing the global impact, and staying true to your vision. What I learned from JP, is not something that I'll ever be able to describe on paper, but hopefully I came pretty close!

Learning Experience #2:

Kathleen Hogan - Executive Vice President of Human Resources, Microsoft

When I met Kathleen Hogan, I met courage. There is a saying that goes, "If you walk up to somebody on a whim, you better be prepared for the outcome especially when that person is the EVP of Human Resources for your company."

I met Kathleen one year ago prior to interviewing her for a company-wide fireside chat. When I met her... (Here comes the millennial in me) I walked up to Kathleen and said, "Can I be your reverse mentor?" I'll save her immediate reaction for another day. Now, many of you are wondering what is reverse mentoring? A reverse mentor is someone that you would normally have as a mentee, actually mentor you on things that you may not be as aware of because you are naturally at different places in life. To my surprise, Kathleen said yes to being my mentee which began our journey together.

Sometimes we see things in people, that they may not see in themselves. This was the primary driver behind why I asked Kathleen. I was in a company where so many people had opinions on this one individual. Distant, questionable, and unrelatable were some words that were used to describe her. And to be honest, I couldn't argue them on it, because even I had similar thoughts of my own. But in order to seek change, you have to be the change that you want to see! I wanted to understand what it would feel like to not be understood, to not feel connected with, to have people blame you for every single thing that may or may not go wrong, and to grow.

This lesson is so near and dear to my heart because I have never met a human like her before. I think of what my reaction normally is when people say HR... Genuinely, I start to look for the door! Scary thought, right? HR to most employees are seen as the people in the company who are supposed to care for employees but secretly only take care of the employer. They are seen as people who are more focused on doing what is in the best interest of the company even if that means disregarding some people along the way.

But this woman is so willing, so willing… And I learned that we are much more alike than I thought. During part of our journey, I spent the day with Kathleen to see what it was like to be the Executive Vice President of HR for this company that we call Microsoft. But it wasn't at all what I expected. I expected to see fluff and empty calendars full of premade decisions that involved minimal influence. However, the reality was that meeting after meeting, I wondered if she ever got a chance to breathe. Whether it was speaking during Town Halls in front of 140,000 employees to explain our retention, walking through hack-a-thons learning about pivotal solutions that would possibly soon come to change the world, or dealing with emergencies that could ultimately end in a loss to someone else, she was always ready. She embraced her weaknesses and powered through them because the people who she serves always had to come first. She showed sheer bravery by going to work and doing her best even during days when tomorrow wasn't promised. Staying true had to always be the only option! It's not easy to be in that position, because if anything happens, you become the first to get blamed. However, I witnessed her valor through handling the most challenging obstacles with grace and never leaving advocacy for what is right to second place. What did I learn? I learned that although we are human, we all have weaknesses and no matter how we are perceived, we must have the courage to always do what is right. It's not easy to face the potential of loss or fight through cancer, but if you can get through that and have courage to persevere, you don't need anything else. It takes me back my journey of growth from overcoming the physical violation that I faced as a young girl. Challenges force us to grow into women and men who are empathetic and understanding of others around us.

We have to remember that equality and inclusion come from those who seek to understand what they may not know and it's up to us to ensure that every person is treated fairly, accepted, and recognized no matter where they may be from, what they may have experienced, or what our beliefs are. My time with Kathleen will never be able to be summed up with words, but hopefully you learn that we all have our own story and it starts from where we are.

Learning Lesson #3:

 Running my first election - Microsoft Employee & Public Official

 Where do I start... Do I start with the fact that these two people who I admire so much enabled me to believe? Do I start with the fact that both of those experiences above prepared me for this moment? Do I start with how I ran for approximately 2 months? Do I start with how I had two months to raise $17,177.044 to help motive people to see why I should be their voice? Do I start with the fact that I knocked on 5,034 doors every day after work? Or do I start with the sad reality that nobody saw my vision?

Like JP and Kathleen, we all had to start from somewhere and often times, most of us had no idea where that somewhere was. You know, I try not to shed a tear writing this because the growth the I have witnessed in the last year from these lessons are just that monumental. People did not see my vision, people did not hear me, people did not see me, and people categorized me. I mean, how could they see me? I was the youngest person running against 4 well seasoned baby boomers who had been running for months. And here I was, this vulnerable millennial who jumped into the race at the very last minute with no political experience. Every door, slammed in my face telling me that I couldn't. And to top it off, I had to balance my full-time job, ensure success for my clients, and enable the members of my team to be their best all while running for office.

Most people doubted me and told me that I couldn't do it. But you know what... I saw them, I heard them, I shared my vision, I didn't judge, and I showed up, every time. No matter if people were upset... I led with my weakness and learned courage, like Kathleen. I shared my vision and kept pushing no matter what I was going through, like JP. Imagine at 26 building an entire team in two months to scale across 5,000 people, knocking on doors every day after work, managing vendors, staying true to your message, ignoring the voices that are trying to change you, building trust blindly, creating relationships, and trying to discover the solution, the best possible solution for people who don't know the answer. You become the visionary, the leader, and the trusted advisor.

Seven hundred and seventeen people believed that in two short months. They believed that my leadership, my vulnerability, my strength, and my courage was what they needed.

So, I became the youngest female to ever be elected to the Bowie City Council and the first African American female to represent the great residents of district 4 by 16 votes. A United States Government Official born by two Nigerian immigrants!

What Kathleen and JP taught me was far beyond any advice that I could have payed for. They taught me to empower others and never lose sight of the big picture today nor tomorrow. They taught me that it's about the people, the people you open the door for, the people that write to you, the people that don't believe in you, the people that second guess you, and the people that rely on you. Those people watch you because you are a leader and if you have persevered through any personal tragedy, you can do it at any corporate office!

I hope this article teaches you to hold on, to keep going, to have strength, to have courage, to put your customers first, to trust yourself, to see people, to hear them, to understand what makes others different from how you think, and to embrace their thoughts. You will need that as a leader, as an elected official, as a dreamer, and as someone full of hope.

With love,

Councilwoman Ndebumadu