Cultivating Belonging as Part of Your Optimum Steady State

As the days shorten and the temperature drops, many of us feel the seasonal changes more intensely. For those who experience Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), especially in winter, lower energy and mood can make connection—both with ourselves and others—feel “off.”

This season can also bring holiday gatherings, which may amplify feelings of either inclusion or isolation, affecting our sense of belonging.

In The Recharge newsletter this month, we’re focusing on belonging as one of the pillars of an Optimum Steady State.

Belonging doesn’t require everything in our lives to be perfectly aligned. Instead, it’s about finding harmony and adaptability, especially in times of stress. A sense of belonging can help us feel anchored, supported, and understood, even during challenging times.

For me, this lesson hit close to home recently.

I’ve been managing some health challenges, including taking a blood pressure medication that’s specific to my needs as I navigate a POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) flare-up. However, this medication has a side effect—depression—that can feel especially heavy with the seasonal time change and the decrease in daily sunlight.

Just this morning, I woke up feeling great, but after taking my medication, a wave of sadness hit, and I felt on the verge of tears for no clear reason.

I felt ungrounded, like I didn’t belong in my own body. That’s when I reached for the tools I’ve developed through The UnVeiling Method. I knew I needed connection.

So, I called a close friend, someone who understands me deeply. Just hearing her voice, laughing together, and sharing stories lifted my spirits. We even explored some of our different beliefs and ideas, which reminded me that belonging doesn’t require perfect agreement.

It’s about feeling safe and seen as we are. Being outside in the sunshine, walking slowly around my yard, and connecting with my friend made all the difference. I felt more grounded and connected—both to myself and to the people in my life.

This is the beauty of belonging. It’s not always about finding common ground but about finding common understanding, where we feel safe within ourselves and with others.

Reflection Questions for Belonging

Here are a few ways you can cultivate a sense of belonging in your own time and way, especially during this season:

1. Reframe “Together Time” as Supportive, Not Obligatory As the holidays approach, pause and check in with yourself before gatherings. Ask: What kind of connection would feel nurturing to me? Reframing your mindset from “I should connect” to “I want to connect in ways that feel right for me” can make a big difference.
2. Shift From Isolation to Introspection On darker days, feeling withdrawn is common, which can intensify disconnection. Try reframing isolation as an opportunity for introspection. Ask yourself: What do I need most from myself right now? Sometimes, you may find a deeper sense of belonging by reconnecting with yourself first.
3. Notice What “Safe Belonging” Feels Like Belonging can be with others, but it can also mean feeling at ease with yourself. Reflect on a recent time when you felt truly safe and accepted. What was present in that moment? How might you bring more of that feeling into your day?
4. Use Gratitude to Anchor Connection Gratitude helps ground us in the present. Reflect on what you’re thankful for in your relationships, no matter how small. Ask: How can I share this gratitude with others in a genuine way? Small, authentic gestures can nurture belonging.

Exercise: Exploring Belonging in Your Own Way and Time

This exercise is meant to be a gentle guide that you can try whenever you feel ready. Whether you’re feeling stressed, low on energy, or curious about exploring belonging, take this at your own pace. Even small actions can bring feelings of connection and ease.

1. Settle In & Reflect Find a comfortable spot. Take a few deep breaths, releasing any pressure or expectations about “doing this right.” Reflect on a time when you felt connected, either with someone else or with yourself. This could be a simple memory of a shared laugh, an understanding moment, or a comforting space.
2. Notice the Qualities of Connection What were some of the feelings in that moment? Did it feel warm, calm, or comforting? Jot down a few words that come up naturally—no need to overthink it.
3. Ask Yourself: What Would Feel Supportive Today? Think about a small way to bring a bit of that feeling into your life now or in the coming days. Some ideas might include:
4. Reflect on the Experience Notice any shifts in how you feel. If you experienced comfort, connection, or lightness, hold onto that feeling. Remember, belonging can be nurtured through small, intentional moments whenever you’re ready.

Remember, belonging is a gentle exploration. You can come back to this exercise whenever you need. Even small acts of connection can help us feel more at ease, grounded, and connected to a sense of “home” within ourselves.

Your experiences and feelings matter

As you begin exploring and nurturing your own sense of belonging, I want you to know you’re not alone on this journey. Each of us has a unique path to feeling grounded and connected, and sometimes, the smallest shifts can make the biggest difference.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to follow along for more insights, gentle guidance, and practical tools to help you reach your own Optimum Steady State. Together, we’re creating a space of belonging—a space where you can be seen, supported, and encouraged to thrive.

Thank you for being here, and remember, each small step you take is building toward something beautiful.