Crying It Out: How Facing Sadness Head-on Leads to Greater Happiness

I wrote this on my 46th birthday… ?? Oprah always asks, “What is one thing you know for sure?” And the one thing I have always known for sure is that happiness is our birthright. ?? I spend nearly all of my waking moments moving along the continuum, focusing internally on improving my own happiness set point. Like you, I am meant to feel the entire spectrum of emotions. However, raising my happiness set point allows for my highs to be higher and for my lows to no longer feel paralyzing. ??

I recently read somewhere that joy is on the other side of tears, and since we know there are no coincidences, this struck me – because it was meant for me. ?? I went into deep reflection, and what I’ve come to realize is that I’d spent a lifetime crying for others. ?? Crying for the hate in the world, the injustice that I see, the sadness in the streets, even for the wronged fictional characters on the television or movie screen (which is why we no longer watch TV ?? – our brains are not able at a subconscious level to separate fact from fiction, but I can delve into that more another time).

All those tears, to the point my dad called me a bleeding heart. ???? I have always cared deeply for humans and about community, and I know that this work that I do for myself and others is aligned with my purpose. ???

I recall being a new manager; I found myself sharing some tough feedback with a member of my team. Afterwards, she started crying. ?? I had compassion for her. She then stated matter-of-factly, “I’m sure you’ve never cried at work.” I answered honestly that I hadn’t… I didn’t think that women should cry at work… She saw that in me. ??

Now, as I reflect on my 4+ decades on this planet ??, it strikes me that I far less often cried for me. And that mere thought brings tears to my eyes. ?? Not that my upbringing was overly traumatic – I had an all-American household with our fair share of dysfunction and also lots of good times. Nothing to really write home about. But during those moments of chaos, pain, and discomfort, I never felt safe enough to cry tears of sadness for terribly long. However, anger was so accessible to me. ?? So I spent the majority of my formative years feeling so wronged and so angry. My emotional “synapse” was short, and so much pain was in there that perhaps if I felt the underlying sadness, I could have saved my pocketbook. ?? Thousands of journals, and so much work. ??

I imagine that it never felt safe to be sad because I didn’t know the strength that comes from being in your sadness, exploring it, welcoming it, understanding it, and from that place, moving through it. ?? Now I realize that you cannot get to the other side by avoiding it. Eventually, the day will come; I mean, you owe a debt even when you avoid opening your bills. ???? So I’ve been exploring all the sadness that my nervous system holds, and I am a testament that joy is just on the other side. ?? While it was my soul’s journey to deeply hold on to the pain I experienced, I now embrace every tear. They are a gift. ?? It is my way of giving the past back to the past and living in this present moment while honoring that even in the midst of a really great life, there will be sadness, and that juxtaposition allows you to more deeply know joy and to live in gratitude. ????

Looking back to that time as a new manager, it is clear to me that she was the brave one; she was the strong one. This version of me honors all the tears because the only way out is through. ??

What a polarity – however, it’s clear that joy arrives on the other side of tears. Feel deeply. Let’s fucking go! ??

You can always choose to CRY IT OUT. ????

P.S. Today I cried. What a gift. Then I wished myself a Happy Birthday from my best friend.

P.P.S. I’d love to hear from you!??If this post resonated with you in any way, please let me know via email. Even a simple “Hello”??or a quick share of your thoughts would make my day.??

Thanks for reading my Journal Entry. I'm grateful for each of you.

Sending you SO. MUCH. LOVE.

With love,

BBH