The Crux Of Technology

Since I can remember I have always taken things apart to see how they worked. In my youth, there really wasn't anything I wouldn't tamper with. This is why I consider myself an "intrinsic" engineer.

Before anyone goes off assuming. I never did anything that would hurt or jeopardize the very thing I was taking apart or anyone near me. As an introverted person, I always found solace in deconstructing. And free HBO in the 80s was well worth opening that box and getting shocked a few times.

Conversely, the same solace in my youth has now isolated me even further in maturity. As an "intrinsic" engineer, I am always deconstructing things. Which leads me to focus on what is or may be broken. This doesn't fare well with my inability to "sugar-coat" my findings, ergo I'm not liked by most - for my brutal honesty.

This is like when we brought home a bad grade, nevermind all the good grades, it's the bad one you can't unsee. It immediately draws attention and/or ire, much to the consternation of many. For me, this is where the problem exacerbates.

Being A-typical isn't easy, my mind is always wandering, especially when it knows or understands that something is broken. This presents a moral conundrum for me, which often finds me in a precarious situation.

I have literally gone to sleep thinking of a problem, to then dream of a solution, and wake up in the middle of the night - after experiencing the "aha moment." So what the hell does this have to do with "The Crux of Technology?"

Simple my dear Watson, it's elementary quite frankly - behavior.

Now, this is a story all about how people's lives get flipped-turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, Just sit right there, and tell you how this is the CRUX of Technology...

Necessity always seems to rear the ugly head, in this case, dirty hands. A couple of weekends ago I spent Saturday morning replacing the brake pads on the family wagon. Because taking it in was "cost-prohibitive." Gotta be tough if you're going to be dumb.

Needless to say, this was not a new process for me. However, it took me twice as long to disengage the "electronic parking brake" than it did to actually replace the pads. I also spent another two hours looking for the right tools. (efficiency & process)

This is when I had the proverbial "aha moment" about the Crux of Technology.

It is undeniable that in modern-day society, our lives have been greatly affected by technology. Notwithstanding, all the tech in the world can't fix a broken process. Especially one at the behest of a pervasive "cult of personality" which can be directly correlated, to the root of the problem.

Let me explain why...

This industry has afforded me some great relationships. Working from home and always being on the road, loneliness is something that will deter most if not all. For me, it presents a unique opportunity to explore the outside world and meet new people.

As such is the case with "friend" I've known for over 5 years. I'll digress on using names for him and the company he worked for. Let's just say, there is no Prince after a kiss. Especially with their broken ass process - I digress.

This friend and I speak regularly, he lives on the west coast, so with the obvious time difference, we may go a couple of weeks without connecting. Nevertheless, when an ear needs lending, we are always available for each other.

Especially when it concerns the industry that affords us our lives. He and I have worked together for two different companies in the years we've been friends. His latest venture into a "data" company was doomed from the start. We both knew it but kept our pessimism in check in order to provide the benefit of the doubt.

Both of us are in our mid-40s, so there is a minimum of a 20yr + work history, in some sort of technology-related role. We are survivors of the infamous dot.com era, so we fully understand we have been the fortunate sons and successful to still be in it. (ahem)

Let's get after it...

The (Company's) interview process was the initial sign of writings on the wall. By the time the tedious process was over, he was exhausted and losing interest. (first impression) Notwithstanding, he saw an opportunity and went against his "gut instinct."

Unfortunately, after the first month, it was immediately obvious the lights had been turned on after a steamy coital session. Sometimes, this (the light) forces us to take a good look in the mirror and really asses - WTF did we just do?

We may be the smartest species on this planet, but when it comes to choices, especially those riddled with emotion - well you can't fix stupid. As the adage says, you gotta be tough if you're going to be dumb. Let's digress on a totally different diatribe and return to the task at hand - focus Danielson.

(Gratias Gratis - Inamabilis Sciurus)

The lights are on and begrudgingly it's time for the walk of shame. We tell ourselves; be tough, resilient, and we will find positivity out of the moment.

It's not often we justify the means to an end, but this is one of those times. (judgment-free zone - I repeat - judgment-free zone.)

Blinded by bliss and suffering from a delirium created by the intoxication of Serotonin. Although we second guess our actions, we remain positive, and often times ignore the signs of our tumultuous behavior.

This intoxication is also known as "the honeymoon effect." Which predicates a facade we embrace - that sometimes defies logic.

Love is blind we tell ourselves.

What is more? The reminders predicated by society - such as training yourself to always remain positive - coupled with chemical dependencies. (Seratonin/Dopamine) Can be directly correlated to "behavior loops" borne out of a - look at the glass half empty but half full - mantras.

Like a shiny new car or a shiny new job, eventually, all that glitters isn't gold.

At inception, the thrills, and excitements rush our bodies with a dangerous drug, better known as - euphoria. This places us in a moral dilemma or as I like to say a conundrum. In essence, making our emotions our biggest assets and biggest liabilities.

This perfect storm can induce intoxication, especially when this shiny new object makes you realize there are so many opportunities you can capitalize on. This pure bliss - just like a night out binge drinking - can and will have the same effect as a hangover. Except its effects are worse and last long term - depression.

Normally in the first 30 days of your new job. You are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed with the euphoria of positivity. Forget the fire-hose of data, the 8-hour training session, the nights of cramming to memorize for your assessment.

The anxiety, sleepless nights, and the irritability are easy to overcome because your positive affirmation has convinced you.

That you will overcome and slay the negative thoughts.

You suck it up buttercup and do your best to absorb all the data, in your best effort to do your job effectively; which will only help you capitalize on the endless opportunities you see. Forget the fact, that the training alone was a prelude to the inevitable.

This particular experience with on-boarding and training isn't new to anyone of us.

Honestly, lately, it seems that a "piece-meal" training binder, printed on shitty paper, from a printer running out ink, is a well thought out plan and maybe we are just being too negative?

That's a negative there surely - Roger - over, and please stop calling me Shirley.

The anxiety, the stress, the gut feeling isn't wrong, it's just your body rejecting a broken ass process. I liken this to an "emotional hurl" after the intoxication.

Fack it, two bees in a bucket, you take two bottles from mini-bar, expense a nice meal and tomorrow is a new day. You drown your sorrows, not realizing, your sorrows have learned to swim.

So what now? You made it through the cramming sessions, I mean training - with no Adderall either. I'm sure the company is going to provide plenty of time to get a plan in order? For you to fully digest the mountain of "data." Allowing you to acclimate to the product and/or process. Furthering your ability to succeed right?

I mean who in their right mind, would send a rep out in the field after such a wonderfully laid out (not printed) training plan? Which was put together, by someone who has never trained, but sold the shit out of their product?

Pretty sure we have all heard "those who can't, teach."

The problem is, that's not what George Bernard Shaw meant. And it sure as hell shouldn't be an open-call for water boys to become the star player on the team. Society often complains when children are given "participation trophies."

Yet, we celebrate all the wrong people in leadership? Those who received a participation role for being in the "inner circle."

Moving on, and yup you guessed it. This great startup is "disrupting" the industry.

By setting their new-hires loose to fend for themselves. All while having to deal with the hostility of the "veterans" - who are neglected and pissed off - they hired someone when they can't even get a printer to print properly.

The ripple effect this has on the industry is disruptive. Whether improperly trained or not trained at all - causes a strain in the foundation which can and will be catastrophic.

Well enough said, back to my brother from another mother...

The employment-honeymoon lasted shorter than a Britney Spears wedding. And just like a honey badger, the "Sales Director" doesn't give a shit - his team is ill-prepared - or is even contemplating the damage this may do to retention.

It's business as usual and 60 days into his new role at the - latest tech to disrupt - their executive team is navigating their rocket ship, disrupting everything in its path, heading straight for the melted glaciers. (pun)

FFWD to month four, coincidentally the end of the quarter, and Sales Director isn't happy with his teams' wafer-thin funnel and prospecting ability. Forget the fact they were never properly trained, let alone provided with the right tools to do their job effectively. Or the hours wasted on a broken and/or inefficient process.

It's not the product, not the organization, it's everyone they hired. They can't seem to find the "right" people. Which begs the question? Shouldn't there be a better process to ensure the right candidates are vetted? I digress...

The stage was set and it wasn't long before the almighty, all-powerful, all-knowing, always be closing Sales Director, was two monster drinks in- when he felt energized - and decided to energize (rip into) his team.

It's the "every" morning mandatory meeting, for your entertainment, much like the short-lived FYE stores myopic vision. The Sales Director - without hesitation - lets everyone know how much they suck.

What's more, he has decided he will be instituting new "changes" so he can "micro-manage" the shit out of you. Don't stress out negative Nelly every cloud has a silver lining.

Now the heat is on and the pressure cooker is steaming, your morning has turned your smile upside down after being denigrated, yelled at, and castigated for not doing what you were hired to do. Sell the shit out of their "disruptive" tech - a la boiler room sales tactics from the nineties.

They're so disruptive, Zig Ziglar has awakened from the grave and recently started visiting, in order to remind them the '90s want their processes returned.

In implementing his iron-clad every client buys process, he decides they are spending too much time on the phones and wasting time on emails, or LinkedIn, because "that shit never worked for me," so it won't possibly work for anyone else.

"Get out there and knock on doors" he whispers softly. I want a minimum of 5 to 7 visits per day, and we will discuss your failures every day at the end of the day in our "non-mandatory" meeting. Let me know how it goes when the door hits your ass on the way out - You're fired!

If you haven't guessed it by now. Our lovely "Sales Director" is a "textbook case" of the Napolean Complex. Don't laugh, you know it is. That's the problem, some laugh, others ignore, deny, all while further driving the wedges exacerbating everyone's anxiety.

You see, each and every one of us deals with "inferiority complexes" turns out, it's freaking "inherent." US humans are "social" creatures, we seek and yearn attention, inclusion, and above all acceptance of our "peers." This basically means we will ALL DEAL with some sort of "inferiority complex."

In the infamous words of Bernie Mac,

I ain't ashamed to tell you... some of your family members facked up too..

Mental health should be just like "physical health." Everyone talks about it, people see that sh*t on IG, we pay memberships to go to the "gym" the exact same way. Except, we as a society, neglect it, ignore it, and denigrate it.

The sooner we realize that understanding our "mental health" is tantamount to our health, the sooner we can correct a path and ultimately change our "behavior and/or actions." (rant over)

Back to our Sales Director Mr. Doasias Isay Notasido...

Apparently, the two monster drinks he had that morning, had an adverse effect and corrupted his GPS. Since he clearly had forgotten they are in California, where you might spend 3 hours in a car - on a way to see - the "number" of visits he feels are necessary for reports, I mean results.

My friend, being the good little boy he is, happily obliged. He sat, stayed and obeyed Ubu...

It is now month number 5 and - no not like Johnny 5 - my friend isn't feeling alive. He's beat battered, bruised, rejected and stressed the fack out. He cannot believe he's in the same situation he just got out of.

Maybe he's being too negative, I mean nothing motivates people more than being beat with the stick into submission. And although this new relationship, is starting to look like the one with the crazy ex. He can still savor that carrot like a Cwazy Wabbit.

Back to the almighty, all-powerful, never wrong Sales Director. It's only their 52nd consecutive meeting in the week. I kidd, I kidd.

In their umteenth team meeting, it's time to review his team's forecast - which had no possible deals closing in the near future. This is a clear indication that every member of his team is wrong, and should have never been hired.

Why couldn't they hire a team of all-stars just like him? How hard could that be? And why can't the head of H.R - Mr. Algo Rythm - find the right people? And why do I keep doing bunny quotes?

Sidebar - big-ticket items don't sell as quickly right? You'll forgive my ignorance I worked at Toys R Us in the 90's

(Throughout this story, I never once mentioned that the value of their yearly service agreements. Can and will exceed an excess of a million dollars.)

You want to play in the big leagues, well suck it up buttercup and close a deal in weeks. I mean come on, they provided the "best in class" training program, and have dedicated over 1k hours of meetings to tell you how much you suck at doing your job. I find it difficult to digest, why so many people can't do their job with this kind of training and support?

Conversely, correct me if I am wrong? Most million-dollar accounts close within the first few days of contacts, with little to no effort, just because you have great relationships and your clients take your word at face value.

And have nothing but confidence for a startup they have never heard of.

They're so happy they've known you, they are calling you 10 times a week to give you all their budget, get rid of all their vendors, and make unilateral decisions without conferring with their executive team.

This is exactly how you become a Sales Director.

Screw long sales cycle, you get shit done - because you're laser-focused and on a freaking rocket ship. Not only have you read Tony Robbin's books, but you also highlighted the shit out of it. You're so facking 10x that you crush it all the time - ergo, your mantra is Always Be Closing, easy as 123

You can't make this shit up! You could, however, sell your enthusiasm in seminars and make millions out of convincing others that your method is tried and true, AS SEEN ON TV. With the disclaimer of course; "many will enter, only a few ever win."

If you're not the all-mighty, all-powerful, sales tactic guru, maybe you should rethink your entire life and see exactly where you went wrong? But ain't nobody got time for that. Especially, a loser who can't hold down a job, and sell on their first day on the job. Shitake, if you ain't first you last.

Back to our regularly scheduled program and recap...

The all-mighty, all-powerful, never wrong, always closing sales director - is now turning to his highlighted book for inspiration. He's trying to figure out what went wrong? More importantly, how the hell he ended up with a bunch of losers in his team?

Forgive me if I am having a hard time understanding, why in the world Carmen Sandiego - would anyone expect a deal to be closed in the first few weeks after training? Legitimate questions, all part of the suggestion box, and feedback sessions during the 52nd consecutive meeting to discuss why the forecast is lean.

A true unsolved mystery, the epitome of a cold case.

Slap me silly, and call me Susan, we are about to reach critical mass, and soon the story will climax...

During their 435th consecutive meeting, my friend musters up the strength to provide feedback. I know, WTF was he thinking? He should have known when asked if anyone has feedback. It was perfunctory, with no intent to take such criticism.

Well, we are a start-up, there is no brand recognition and what's more, we don't market at all. In a space that is already being disrupted by the first companies who helped create the industry and have been here for 20+ years.

It's all downhill from here. Page 52, the fourth highlighted text clearly states. There is no place for negative feedback, especially for losers who cannot close anything within their first week!

Rule 43 of "Be the Asshole Boss" everyone loves to hate the 3rd edition Audiobook. Negative feedback should be seen as signs of weakness and that person should be written up, made to look like a loser on paper, so the organization cover's their exposure to liabilities. And they can discard them like week-old leftovers you swore you would eat since people are starving all over the world.

As expected, his suggestion was greeted with great enthusiasm from the director and the executive team.

The conversation is "shelved" for the moment, while they worked their way through each rep saying out loud, we have no deals and have no update to this morning's forecast. Meeting adjourned you filthy animals.

Tensions, like a runaway bride, disappear and the day progresses with a general "je ne sais quoi" air of melancholy - which brightens the outlook for everyone.

Except for the all-star, all-American, can sell ice to an Eskimo, greatest salesperson ever #winning #tigerblood #coldcallsaremybitch - Sales Director, who after sending them out on the field is now "concerned with the expense reports" everyone submitted.

Not to be outdone, just like the Honey Badger with zero-fucks given and a glutton for pain and punishment. He decides it's time everyone gets off the field and gets back to phone and email. We cannot have you out there spending money and not closing any business. Just like Hanz and Franz he doesn't practice what he preaches, he just wants you to listen to him now and hear him later.

Except, this is not an SNL skit, this is a day in the life of an employee dealing with a tyrant who will never be king, while sending out 100 resumes to escape the quagmire before it hits the melted iceberg. Does any of this sound familiar?

I trust this might be the first time you may be hearing of this phenomenon? For the record doctor, I have officially diagnosed this as "The Flunk Phenomena."

Much to the disappointment of many, there will be no funky cold Medina. Instead, it's a Mother's Day miracle and just like Oprah handing out cars, the Sales Director is handing out PIPs.

Since this is the first you hear of this - a PIP is the infamous, HR cover your ass - so we can fire this person and blame them for the inefficiencies we continue to ignore -because they have disrupted the industry so much, the reverb has caused delusions of grandeur. And the Kool-aid has part of team punch drunk.

Back to my beloved and dear friend who calls me on Saturday...

Friend - Hey bud been a bit, wanted to catch up - I see you are running for Senator and you're already listed as a candidate?

Me - Well right now I'm just changing my brakes so I can pinch a penny after my attempt to turn a dime into a dollar backfired and went the opposite way. But enough of how well I am doing, living in the lap of luxury. How are you doing?

Friend - Oh well you know same old shit, different day.

Me - How's the new job going have you made any leaps?

Friend - Negative, as you now last month the PIP process was started and as we expected, I was laid off yesterday.

Me - Oh shit, I'm sorry to hear that, how's the rest of the team doing.

Friend - Same, no one has sold shit. The director is a tyrant and everyone already has one foot out the door entertaining other offers.

Oh, the madness, when will it end? All the tech in the world will not fix a broke-ass process, or worse, a tyrant who has no right leading a team. Moreover, an executive who promotes only their "inner-circle" or those who sold the shit out of their product, regardless of what tactics were used.

Silence isn't golden, my advice is to share your experience in the most professional way. Air your grievances, exercise your right and visit Glassdoor. I'm ardent in my belief "the truth will set us free." And just like anything else that is toxic, good riddance to bad rubbish.

Carpe Diem,