A CRUSH, A LETTER, A CONFESSION AND A MISTAKE

When it comes to storytelling, I do it the best, especially when it's about reflecting on different events of my own life. And I believe people relate to personal stories more than just intellectual blabber. So, speaking of personal stories, as I know, everyone loves listening to mushy love stories or experiences of different people, I will also share mine. I had those "kuch kuch hota hai" feelings or moments four times in my life before settling down.

So, do you really want to hear about them? Let’s begin then. ??

A CRUSH

I was hardly 13 years old when I saw her. She was pretty and fair. Her smile was very soothing and calming. I definitely wanted to talk to her. All the others were talking to her, but I was too naive and afraid to approach her. My aunt was a teacher, and all her colleagues, who were also my teachers, knew me well. I should not have been caught talking to a girl by any one of them. Moreover, my friends would have laughed at me and teased me for sure if they had seen me talking to a girl. That was considered a taboo because the students from local language medium schools were not as open-minded as the students from English medium schools. All I could do was steal glances at her. She would smile at me, and I would do the same. She wasn't a bright student. She studied with us because she had failed in the grade/class to which we were promoted. And later, when we were promoted to higher classes, she failed again and probably left the school. I had no idea about what happened to her later. But my eyes definitely fell in love with her.

A crush is always supposed to be crushed sooner or later, and so was my crush for that pretty girl...

A LETTER

I don’t know whether she had ever fallen in love with me or not, but we were in no position to fall in love with each other. I mean to fan the love for each other as the conditions or life situations were such. But I still can’t forget the letter she had written to me. The letter came through someone who didn’t know what is there inside it, thankfully. And when I opened it and read it, I felt so warm and loved and cared and mushy, as a good friend calls it.

She wrote that I am an epitome of simplicity and that I should not change myself ever. I hope I am still the same. But I remember I wept so much reading that letter, knowing that we were in no position to express our love for one another, though we definitely acknowledged God’s plans for both of our respective future lives. Probably, I will consider her as my first love, and that feeling which I had for her was suppressed deep down in my heart.

A CONFESSION

Oh yeah, I finally confessed my love to a girl I had fallen in love with.

My heart used to skip and beat faster when I used to see her in the morning. When she looked at me from afar, we used to exchange smiles before she went back to her department and settled down. Later, as the day progressed, she came to my department. I saw her, but I waited for her to come to my desk after she finished her work with others. She came and sat in front of me, smiling, and asked, "How are you...?" Then we continued talking with each other until we realized it was time to concentrate on our work. She returned to her desk.

The same routine went on for two months, and life seemed so dreamy and flowery. I finally broke the silence and poured out my heart, confessing my love for her. She smiled and said she felt the same. Her signal was grey, I took it as more towards white, but it was actually more tilted towards black, which I realized after another two months. She started ignoring me and avoiding me. I broke down. That was the worst Christmas I had experienced in my life.

A MISTAKE

I really don’t like to be reminded of this incident in my life. I had never spoken about it openly before. We somehow found each other's landline numbers. We didn't have our own mobile phones at that time, and all we knew about each other was from hearing our voices. I won't say I fell in love with her, but I did have an interest in getting to know her better. She had a lovely voice, and she was actually very sweet.

After a few days, we decided to meet up with each other in a very filmy style. I told her I would be wearing a blue shirt, and she told me she would be wearing a blue dress and holding a blue umbrella. I brought a Dairy Milk Cadbury bar for her, and she had an image of herself and a letter written for me.

We met at the railway station, had a conversation before I took the return train to my place but was unhappy. Unhappy because she was absolutely very sweet, but she may not have been what I expected. She was a very good girl and immensely matured. She understood that I had lost interest in her, and we parted unceremoniously.

I had never committed to her, I had not fallen for her, but the interest I aroused in her for me was not the right thing to do. It was my biggest mistake. I have never done that with anyone else, and I still hold myself responsible for hurting her feelings.

Later, I saw her at a conference with her friends. She looked different and good. I felt happy to see her that way. I don't know whether she saw me or not, but I moved away from that place. I truly hoped and prayed for her betterment and a life partner someone better than me.As I reflected on these mushy and slushy love experiences that unfolded over a span of 15 years, I couldn't help but wonder why life had presented me with such encounters, particularly the last one. Yet, I can confidently affirm that these experiences have significantly heightened my sensitivity toward the emotions of individuals, regardless of who they may be. Moreover, they have facilitated a deeper understanding of my own feelings, playing a pivotal role in nurturing my emotional intelligence. These experiences have truly shaped me into a person with a profound capacity to comprehend the human heart.

I can unequivocally assert that I now possess a far superior grasp of a person's innermost emotions than I did during my youth. Through the prism of these seemingly frivolous, wild, affectionate, and occasionally foolish experiences, it becomes evident that God, being the ultimate Life Coach and Wonderful Counselor, intended to instruct and refine me. He molded me into a better human being adept at deciphering the intricacies of the human heart and the intricacies of their emotions. Indeed, God's guidance has transformed me into the man, the life coach and motivational counselor that I am today.

Later in life, as I embarked on my journey of marriage and encountered numerous women, whether in person or through virtual interactions, these experiences undoubtedly equipped me to engage with each of them in a more profound and empathetic manner.

In the end, I can say, the Crush always makes me laugh, the Letter I always cherish in my heart, the Confession always makes me learn more about a woman or human being in general, and the Mistake always makes me regret and sad…??

Friends! Do you relate to my experiences? Some of you, maybe, as the Bible says, "Just as water reflects the face, so one human heart reflects another."