The Crush - episode 2

(Continued from episode 1)

At the end of July, the middle school entrance exam results were posted. I got up early and ran to the school to check the list.

"Neijiang Number Six High School, Science Class Admissions List." I quickly found my name: I was ranked third.

I searched the list for Xiao-Hui's name. The first time through, I couldn't find it. My heart sank, so I looked again, this time more slowly, fearing I'd skipped over it.

Still, no name.

I checked the list for the liberal arts class, and there it was: Xiao-Hui was ranked second.

Didn't she like programming? Why did she choose the liberal arts class? I was frustrated, but there was nothing I could do.

Well, we were at least in the same school.

During my three years in high school, I studied hard, all the while thinking like in Luo Ta-Yu's song, “Why hasn't the girl in the next class passed by my window yet?” I dreamed that one day, when she could be proud of me, I would tell her loudly: I love you. I’ve been in love with you since middle school, and all my achievements are because of you.

The rule that year was to fill out university preferences before the college entrance examination.

Before officially submitting our preferences, the homeroom teachers of the senior classes would coordinate to avoid students from our school competing for the same top colleges.

I heard that Xiao-Hui's first choice was the Journalism Department at Renmin University of China. So, I put the Information Department at the same university as my first choice, with all other preferences being universities in Beijing. In the "Whether to Obey Allocation" section, I firmly filled in "No." That is, if I wasn't admitted according to my preferences, I'd rather repeat a year than go to another university.

My homeroom teacher and parents urged me to apply to some universities outside Beijing and obey allocation. I wouldn't listen. I was determined to follow Xiao-Hui wherever she went. What would it mean to have a secret crush for over four years and then go to different cities for college?

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July 7th was the start of the college entrance examination, and I was so anxious that I couldn't sleep for three days beforehand. Even drinking the milk and egg soup my mom made for me didn't help. I tossed and turned until dawn.

My anxiety increased day by day, and I began to run a fever on the 6th. The three days of exams passed in a blur, and I thought it was over.

Sure enough, I failed miserably. A month later, when the results came out, I didn't even make the cut for the key universities, let alone Renmin University. Xiao-Hui, on the other hand, did surprisingly well, scoring more than fifty points above the key universities' bar.

Mom and Dad had gone to work, so I went to a local store at the end of the alley to buy a bottle of Tuopai liquor, came home, cried, and drank alone. I had only ever had sparkling wine before, and the liquor was so spicy it made me feel worse. I eventually passed out and didn't even know when my parents came home.

Xiao-Hui got into Renmin University.

I had to repeat a year because I didn't accept allocation.

Before school started, I gathered some close friends to visit Xiao-Hui's home. "You won't forget us old classmates back home when you get to Beijing, right?" I asked.

"Of course not. Wang Si, study hard, and I'll see you in Beijing next year."

A surge of blood rushed into my brain. I told myself: Xiao-Hui has said it, now it's up to you.

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The next year was extremely torturous. I already knew my homework by heart; if not for the fever at the critical moment, how could I have failed? The hardest part was not doing practices and correcting mistakes day after day, but the endless longing for Xiao-Hui.

I wrote her letters, asking about her life in Beijing. She wrote back, enclosing a photo of herself at the entrance of Renmin University. The late autumn sun in Beijing was bright, and her face was a bit red from the cold, charming against her scarf. Xiao-Hui said Beijing was enormous, even bigger than she imagined, and a single street's width was the size of our local shopping mall. Renmin University was close to Zhongguancun, and she had visited computer companies and electronics stores, feeling the "pulse of the times." She encouraged me to study, saying Beijing would be a place where a science student could have limitless opportunities.

The second time I took the college entrance examination, my preferences were exactly the same as the previous year.

My parents and teachers didn't understand, but I was a person who can't be pulled back by eight oxen if I set my mind on it. No matter how they tried to persuade me, I wouldn't listen. I said that I had to get up from where I fell, and since I hadn't been admitted to Renmin University last year, I had to fight for it this year.

This time, nothing went wrong, and I was admitted to the Information Department at Renmin University. When I received the notice, I ran to Xiao-Hui's house to share the good news.

Her mother answered the door, telling me that Xiao-Hui had found a summer job in Beijing for social practice and hadn't come home. She congratulated me, saying it was good to have an old hometown friend and old classmate nearby when away from home.

Disappointed, I went home and wrote a letter to Xiao-Hui with the news.

I never received a reply. Beijing is so big; had she already forgotten me?

(Continued to episode 3)