“It is CRUEL to put a child in full-time nursery at 4-months-old!”

NUMBER 7 “It is CRUEL to put a child in full-time nursery at 4-months-old!”

#bitchesintheboardroom bitch rating = 8/10

A Google search for “definition of cruel” returns the following result:?

1.????Wilfully causing pain or suffering to others, or feeling no concern about it:

“People who are cruel to animals” – “a cruel remark”

As I recollect the following account of high-level bitchery, it still sends a shudder down my spine. The fact that anyone could infer I had applied cruelty to my own child is simply exasperating. Grade A bitchiness at its best, some may say!

Now, let me just make one thing very clear before we proceed. Though I may not be the most naturally maternal person on this planet, I have more love for my children than I possibly could ever have known after welcoming each of them into this world. They complete me and make me the very best version of myself. Whilst balancing parenthood and career can at times seem impossible, my children give me the strength and determination to believe that I can conquer anything.

Indeed, conquering the #bitchesintheboardroom has been my mission for approximately the last 6 years and here I am, soldiering on to show my courage, determination, and resilience.

So, here goes…

It was late summer in 2017, and I had been back at work for around 6 weeks following the birth of my first child. Fortunately, my beautiful firstborn daughter was a dream baby (quite literally). Importantly, she slept well and that meant both my husband and I could return to work as soon as we felt ready. For me, that was around 4 months after she had been born.

I’d been invited to attend an ‘off-site’, which in the corporate world means:?

(A)??make light chit-chat and drop the occasional business-related remark into conversation with colleagues (most of whom you rarely see / tend to avoid for various reasons);

(B)??sit through endless presentations of strategy, goals, and objectives, nodding reassuringly at your senior managers, who are all-consumed in the company’s seemingly never-ending ‘transformation’ journey, and;

(C)?get a free lunch…sometimes there are alcoholic refreshments if you make it all the way to the end of the day. Bonus!

The reason I love ‘off-sites’ is because they are almost a half-way house between the office and the pub. Let me explain…

The corporate ‘off-site’ is purposefully set in a location away from the office because it is intended to cause constructive (and sometimes disruptive) conversation.

At this particular ‘off-site’, frequent calls of “let’s challenge the status quo” reverberate around the 200-strong gathering. People are thinking, talking, reflecting….and on occasion, gobbing off. What I mean is, because people feel they have a little more freedom to say whatever they want, they let loose and verbalise a dangerous monologue…commonly known as ‘an opinion’. Opinions tend to dial up the heat on the bitch scale, therefore I am always very wary of speaking up at these ‘off-sites’. It can often lead to trouble!

But, like I say, I love the ‘off-sites’ and was all to glad to accept the invitation to attend the chosen venue – Centre Point in the heart of London’s West End.

Centre Point, at the time, was a most fabulous and imposing 34-storey building which hosted many of my organisation’s events. But now, in contrast (and according to Wikipedia), the New Oxford Street-situated concrete block is known as the “ghost tower”, sadly having very low occupancy after the office spaces were converted into flats. I’d like to imagine somehow that there are a few bitchy ghosts left haunting that building after the bitchery it has witnessed and absorbed over the countless years of hosting corporate off-sites!

For this ‘off site’ my company had hired out an entire floor of hospitality suites, complete with viewing platform that gave amazing, almost 360-degree views across the centre of London. With Centre Point being only a stone’s throw from the offices, staff could leave their laptops and other belongings behind to free up their minds for a day of connecting and conversing. Some people (and it often happens to be the #bitchesintheboardroom), however, also leave behind any sense of etiquette, decorum, or respect as they enter the off-site….and that’s when the full-force bitchery comes into operation.

Let me now share with you a prime example.

Our Director of Sales (at the time) could only be described as a tannoy in human form. The loudest, loudmouth I had genuinely ever heard. No wonder she was so highly rated, I pondered, you’d be temporarily deaf by the end of the conversation and agree to buy anything she was selling in the hope you would be left in some peace after the deal had been done! ????

‘Tannoy Tabitha’, as I had secretly come to nickname our Director of Sales, did generally have a good rating amongst other senior women in the company. She had recruited some key female players in the Sales Team and most people reckoned she had pretty good ‘girl code’. ?

For anyone wondering what the term ‘girl code’ is, I shall briefly explain. ‘Girl code’ is the unwritten set of rules between a girl / woman and her best friends. It sets out the commandments that outline the ‘do’s and don’ts’ that maintain a strong friendship. The problem with ‘girl code’ in the corporate world is that ‘best friends’ don’t really tend to exist – after all, we’re there to do business, not make friends.

At the ‘off-site’ lunchbreak I spot Jenny from Legal who I worked with before going on maternity leave. I skip over to catch up with her and ‘compare notes’ (not so much business notes, but life notes). Jenny is a mother of two young children and a remarkable leader in the organisation. I like Jenny and I look up to her as a role model for #womeninbusiness so I want to speak with her and exchange pleasantries as a working mother.

With my confidence brimming, I join the roundtable conversation effortlessly, introducing myself to those I am not familiar with, including ‘Tannoy Tabitha’. To my delight, I am sat at a table with six other women, and we exchange accounts of how we came to be in our current roles. Just as it is my turn to share, I can hear the muffled noise of my mobile ringing. Usually, I would have my phone set to vibrate and in silent mode, however at nursery drop off, my daughter had been a little tearful and I had politely requested that the Nursery Manager call me with an update at lunchtime.

Oh no, I thought, classic timing. As I pulled my handbag up from off the floor and slipped the top of the mobile screen out of its case I could see the caller ID – “LITTLE ACORNS NURSERY”.

“You’ll have to excuse me” I informed the group, “the nursery is calling”.

A reassuring nod from Jenny and response of “you must take it, we will catch up in a bit” was most welcome, and instantly made me feel at ease. As I dutifully accepted the call, I could hear Jenny advising the group that I had very recently returned from maternity leave and was working full-time.

Meanwhile, the Nursery Manager had concisely reassured me that all was well, and I hastily trotted back to the table in my divine black-Italian-leather Hugo Boss heels. This particular pair of shoes were always reserved for very few special corporate events and are probably the most sophisticated heels in my entire wardrobe – power dressing at its best!

“So, Krysta….” beamed an animated ‘Tannoy Tabitha’, “you are a new mother, we understand?”

“Yes” I happily replied; “I am a proud mother to my 4-month-old daughter”.

“And your 4-month-old daughter is in nursery?” Tabitha quipped.

“Yes, she’s in nursery full-time” I proclaimed.

“A 4-month-old? In full-time nursery?” Tabitha retorted.

At this point I had reckoned that the abrupt responses from Tabitha were not in fact a quirky sales approach, more an opportunity to express disdain for a situation that was not agreeable to her.

“Well…yes” I hesitated, trying to keep my cool and maintain a brave face, “my 4-month-old daughter attends nursery full-time, so that I can work full-time”.

“Surely…it is CRUEL to put a child in full-time nursery at 4-months-old?” boomed ‘Tannoy Tabitha’.

I literally had no words.

Immediately I rushed off to the ladies, trying my hardest not to be upset. But it was inevitable. I burst into tears. A senior female director had publicly labelled me ‘cruel’. I was so hurt. So embarrassed. So ashamed.

Reflecting on this now, I shouldn’t have been made to feel hurt, embarrassed, or ashamed. And certainly ‘Tannoy Tabitha’ should NOT have reprimanded me in this way.

No one should EVER be made to feel in the wrong about the choices they make for their children. So, for all the #womeninbusiness who are struggling to determine when the time is right to send your children into their first care setting, my advice is to do it when you think it feels right. And stick by your choice, because inevitably it is the best one.

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Author’s Note

The posts written under the hashtag #bitchesintheboardroom represent my own views and not those of my employer. Each account is written in my own words and contains some elements of storytelling and marginally fictitious events. No personal details of individuals or any specific information related to my employer are captured to maintain the highest levels of respect and privacy. Any comments or feedback on the posts shall be taken in the spirit in which they are intended. And finally, thank you to all the glorious boardroom bitches who inspired these tales. I salute you.

Krysta Broughton-Munford

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Bitch Rating Scale

1 = Very marginally offensive, possibly unintentional bitchiness

2 = Some bitchy intent, however limited in overall impact

3 = Inherently bitchy, but could still be passed off as accidental

4 = Minor bitchy commentary and content proliferated (usually publicly)

5 = Bitchy intent established, out to cause some damage

6 = Pre-meditated bitchiness likely, possibly a deep-seated hatred bubbling away

7 = Ouch - should that be escalated to HR?

8 = Extremely high level of bitchy intent, individual is a bona fide Grade A Bitch

9 = Rude and derogatory, definitely reportable to HR

10 = Another level of mind-blowing bitchiness, just stop….