Crucial Conversations for Success Part II: How not to lose the conversation

Let’s face it problems are never going to go away but how do you define problems at work anyway?? Conflict is as old as human beings, and it is never going to go away.? The question then becomes what is the point of conflict?? Is it a good thing or bad thing? How do we deal with conflict?

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Irrespective of what the issue is, the moment you start thinking of a problem and thinking ‘WHO’, then you are absolutely on the wrong path and going to lose the conversation as I shared in the last edition where I addressed:

• What makes a Crucial conversation?
• Tips to establishing successful Crucial conversations
• Signs that people are not safe are
• The importance of establishing safety for a fruitful crucial conversation

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To extend our practice and effective use Crucial Conversations, in this edition I will touching on:

• Three Skills you help with Crucial Conversations
• What unhealthy goals look like
• Healthy goals
• How to rebuild safety
• Using STATE as an approach for Crucial Conversations

A tip is - When listening actively, repeat back and use their on own words and you could say, "What I think I'm hearing is ......"

A tip - Do not apologise unless you have something to apologise. Be crystal clear on what you are there for and bring the much needed clarity and focus to the conversation.

Imagine a situation where you have been a role for about a year now and you are managing a team.? Your relationship with your line manager in your view has always been difficult.? You feel your manager does not support you in meetings and dismisses your ideas and suggestions in front of colleagues.? Your manager frequently leaves work early, attends various events for which you do not receive any feedback from. You are also increasingly covering for his absence on many occasions including external meetings, sub-groups and in terms of team targets there is no clear communication on what those are.? You are exhausted, stressed and have had enough of it and running the show without the pay grade.? You are due to meet for one of your supervisions and again you are not sure as there tends to be a lot of last-minute cancellations.??

“How can STATE help you have the conversation?”

S hare your facts

T ell your story

A ask for the others’ paths

T alk tentatively

E ncourage testing

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When we are feeling stressed and frustrated, it is important to recognise that and use an alert to change your mental state.? First of all, because when feeling stressed the negative emotion does not let you think of positive solutions and access your sage powers.? So its important to quickly come out that state by doing PQ reps to calm your brain.? And then talk tentatively. ?When we judge others we trigger their judge that’s going to come out guns blazing and the whole conversation will be hijacked and you will wonder who that happened and how it got to the state it did.

For example:

Healthy Goals

• Learning
• Finding the truth
• Produce results
• Strengthening relationships

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Finding the truth – You might have the tail of the elephant and the other person the trunk, how do you get to the understanding that it is not just your part that builds the picture?? There’s a great parable and story of four blind men who have ever come across an elephant.? As they are walking together, they actually come across an elephant and each blind man touches a different part of the elephant and each one announcing what they were touching and what it could be.? Long story short, none of them said it was the elephant because they did not have the fuller truth.

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For the fuller truth:

Come in prepared to find out the fuller truth and big picture        

Show empathy for self and the other person/persons        

Activate exploration and innovation which was powerful sage powers        

Agree on what is needed for that situation        

Have a process for who is doing what, where, when and a review in place" to "Establish a clear process for assigning responsibilities, setting deadlines, and scheduling reviews        

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Hope this has been helpful and feel free to reach out if you:

• Want to go through any specifics you have?
• Need further guidance for approaching crucial conversations with a healthy mindset and seeking positive outcomes
• Would value team training

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Crucial conversations can help with team success and improve wellness, performance and foster stronger relationships.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please do share your thoughts/views about this subject and how it relates to you.