Crucial Conversations and Moods: Why It’s Important to Reflect on Your Current State-of-Mind Before Having an Important Discussion
Tracey Gazel
?? I help leaders improve mental clarity and focus, sleep better, feel calmer with less stress, be present at home and enjoy life more.
This past week I have been reminded of the importance of being aware of my own mood before having an important conversation.
Let me give you an example.
My daughter has been a picky eater ever since she started talking. At 3 years old, she told me, quite articulately, that she’s a vegetarian. She said, “Mommy I love animals, and so why would I eat them?” Since then, she’s been quite adamant that she only wants to each French fries every day.
My husband and I are both not vegetarians and so we were quite surprised to hear her speak this, with no known origin for that frame of thinking.
I have struggled with food sensitivities for my whole life, since a baby. Now as an adult I eat paleo (which stands for paleolithic – like the caveman) and I have never ever felt so good. Eating paleo is based on eating like the cavemen in the Paleolithic period who ate a simple diet for 2.5 million years, eating clean meat, vegetables, fruit, eggs, nuts, and seeds; essentially whole foods that humans would hunt and gather. That means I eat no gluten and no dairy. (I also eat no corn due to an intolerance). The theory is that gluten and dairy have existed for only the past 10,000 years and our digestive systems spent much more time eating paleolithic, and so it’s based on the idea that our genes are not well adjusted for modern diets.
Okay, I’ll get off my soap box here!
My point is, I feel amazing. I feel the healthiest I have in my whole life. I am quite active with a lot of cardio activity throughout the week and eating like this really supports my active lifestyle.
That being said, I completely respect my daughter’s choice to not eat meat. I have respect for all the vegetarians and vegans out there – you do you!
However..
Over the years I have had difficulty getting my daughter to eat enough food and enough protein. She only wants to eat cheese pizza and French fries.
Which leads to many frustrating conversations over dinner time.
Now, depending on the mood that I am in, I will see this situation in varying degrees of intensity.
This is because we are all seeing our world and our circumstances through the filter of our mood.
It is as if whatever mood we are in is a different pair of glasses that we put on. We can have glasses for peaceful, glasses for frustrated, glasses for sad. And those glasses ‘colour’ the vantage point from which we see life’s circumstances.
Plus, moods naturally ebb and flow. It is completely natural to have days where we feel great and days where we feel low.
And so depending on the mood that I am in, I see these dinner conversations with my daughter in varying degrees.
Situation 1:
If I am in a low mood, when my daughter doesn’t want to eat any food (she only wants pizza and French fries), I find this incredibly frustrating. I’ll clench my jaw and have trouble speaking. When I do speak, I’m very short, tense, and frustrated.
Situation 2:
If I am in a high or light mood, the same situation looks different. I see that she’s only 7 and she is still figuring food out. She’s innocent in that she just wants to eat her favourite food, but hasn’t yet discovered how good she feels when she eats healthy food and eats enough of it. She doesn’t yet understand the importance of protein – especially if she’s going to choose a vegetarian diet. I’m more patient and more loving in my response. I’m able to sit at the dinner table with her for longer while she eats slowly.
Both situations are exactly the same however it is my mood that’s the variable!
AND if I speak from a low mood, often nothing good comes out it.
I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’ll say something critical. Then, my daughter or husband will respond in an equally low mood. Then we’re all in the trenches together.
The best thing I can do is be aware of my current mood before speaking.
If I notice I’m low, I will hold my tongue and speak my mind when I’m in a better state-of-mind with more mental clarity.
If I notice I’m in a good mood, the right thing to say in that moment just comes out of my mouth with ease. I know exactly what to do in the moment.
Now don’t get me wrong – this doesn’t mean I’m choosing to be passive or that I’m not speaking up if there’s an issue.
It means I’m self-aware of my own mood so that I speak from a higher and clear state-of-mind. From a higher state I clearly speak up and address issues from my own calm composure.
And so as I support my daughter in figuring out her own food journey, it is also a journey for me to be conscious and aware of my own mood and state. I get to choose to support her when I’m standing in my Best Self.
Because she deserves that!
Have you noticed your moods are like different glasses you put on to see life's circumstances?
-Tracey
P.S. I'm starting a new round of training for high-level executives and business leaders who face the demands of leadership, often at the cost of personal time and peace of mind.
It will cover how to:
? Optimize sleep and wake up rested
? Fall back asleep in the night with ease
? Quiet your mind to access mental clarity in any situation
? De-escalate triggering situations and be less emotionally reactive
? Improve listening skills and being present with loved ones As my clients all have busy schedules, the time commitment is 10 minutes per week!
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If you would like to hear more about the training, respond to this email and say 'learn more' and I'll share more information.
Tracey Gazel?
Consultant?| Coach | Author | Speaker?
Rising?Higher?Consulting?Inc.