Crossroads

What do you do when bad things happen to good people at work?

“But he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years” – The Dash by Linda Ellis

What is our purpose? What is our strategy? What is our goal? 

And what does it matter when our final date has been published?

Benjamin Franklin once said, “Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”

Every corporation has a tax strategy. Why do we not have a death strategy? Why are we not trained as a leader, manager, and friend on how to help others when tragedy strikes at work? 

I have experienced several of these losses at work, when bad things happen to good people. What stands out is one of my mentors and friends, Larry Stark, former VP of Sales at Lightspeed.  He helped drive the company sales 5x over a period of 7 years. He not only was a successful sales leader, but he also cared about those around him. He was a great husband, father, and man of faith. Then one day a dark mole appeared on his ear. It was melanoma. And he fought. It was a courageous battle and he worked until the last day his mind and body would last. He ultimately lost the battle and we all lost a great friend and one of our key executives in our company.

Two things stood out during this battle. 1) What really matters and 2) What do you do at work during and after this trial

1)  What really matters. As I attended Larry Stark’s funeral, I expected to hear about his incredible success as a business man. And not one word was said about it. It did not really matter. What was discussed is how he made a difference to those around him – at work, in his community and at home. This is a sobering reminder that with all our great accomplishments at work – what really matters is how we make a positive impact on the lives of those around us. As we drive to get towards our next goal, keep the end in mind when working with people around you.

2)  What do you do at work – during and after the trial? I have seen this done well and not done so well. I can tell you that every event is different. Every person handles this reality differently. I do know that it should not be ignored. I do know that you should continue to treat those impacted with love and compassion. I personally do not have the best answers; however, I do have some great advice from the following two books.

Option B, Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

This is a very tough book to read. Sheryl Sandberg is the COO of Facebook and she describes the tragedy of losing her husband Dave Goldberg, former CEO of Survey Monkey. This book has also generated an organization, called Option B, https://optionb.org/about. If you are facing loss and tragedy, this website is filled with stories of resilience and learning how to cope when everything seems to be lost. One of my favorite recommendations is for employers is to examine your bereavement policy. I plan to change our company’s bereavement policy because of this book. The second recommendation is not to take all the responsibility away from the impacted person. We all need to have a bit more compassion here and it is also important to provide those who are bereaved to continue to have purpose and value at work. Read this article from the Washington Post.

It’s Not Yet Dark by Simon Fitzmaurice

Simon Fitzmaurice is an extraordinary filmmaker and received many awards at film festivals. Simon Fitzmaurice writes this memoir while he is battling ALS. He is confined to a wheelchair, on a ventilator and writing the book with eye writing technology. Simon Fitzmaurice is the living testament of Option B. This book will be a living memory to his children. I will share a quote he provided in People’s magazine and from his book:

“Our lives are not the legacy we leave behind, or the value of the work that we do. Our lives happen in between the deeds and ideas that define us. Each of us feel it, the mystery, the strangeness of life on earth. Of life and death. We feel it when we travel, we feel it when we stay at home. We feel it when a loved one dies or when a loved one is born. I’m sure we all crave more certainty than we have but that is not human life. That is the ticking of a clock. Some days you can just see clearly. Our meaning, what we value, is the most private part of us. It may just define us. It shapes everything we do, everything we say, everything we feel, everything we dream. It’s hidden, from others, from ourselves. There is no mirror to show us what we value. So often it is only revealed to us after the fact, in the long movie reel of memory. And when we see it, our heart stops, aching with recognition. It is a beautiful thing to see yourself.”

Simon Fitzmaurice – It’s Not Yet Dark