A Crossroad.
Yasmine Ayman
Talent Acquisition | Employee Relations | Talent Management | Learning and Development
My mind couldn’t stop thinking, whether I should be doing this or not.
My mind didn’t me be at peace, neither my heart.
In a middle of a conflict that wasn’t showing any sign of a truce. What side should I take? God only knows.
I never felt so weak as at this moment, I never was the person who is this close to give up everything; on everything. I never thought that one day I’d reach this end, this lonely place where I had to do something on my own to keep moving. something that made my heart so hard, so dead.
The first step I took, it had to be on heart. I couldn’t let it be in my way. I walked a lot of miles on my own, achieved more than I could ever thought I might be able to. I tested my limits, my capabilities. Nothing was able to stand in front of me and what I wanted. Thanks to God, of course.
But I was still hungry for more and more, and that’s when my silly heart started to have feelings again, uncontrollable ones. I tried to tame them, but I guess my heart was fed up. It held me back a lot, it ruined lots of friendships, I tried to maintain. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that was its way of sending a sign to take a break.
I was so tired, and exhausted of this inner conflict, I was drained out of energy. I stayed 3 months not doing a single thing, after all my achievements, it was nothing. Zero. Null. When people asked me about my recent activities, I felt a weird ache in my heart, as if I’m ashamed of not doing anything.
Lucky, this phase made me realize lots of things I wasn’t aware enough of it.
I was living a temporary life with lots of immortal dreams, I wanted to have it all now and in the afterlife. I wanted the best of both worlds. Selfish? Probably, but again who isn’t. Two contradicting characters are living inside, and no one is willing to compromise. Someone who desperately wants everything in this life, and at the same time hungry for the afterlife.
This is so hard to achieve, it’s almost impossible. To balance between them both dreams, it’s just not realistic. I had to think of something to be sacrificed…