Critics should grow in numbers, even if supporters become less

There is a saying that I live by, "critics should be your friendly neighbour" which means that when you have your neighbour or spouse as your critic, your life goes on well. And I apply it to almost every relationship I have, whether it is a personal friendship, professional or acquaintance. The saying is, “your best friend tells you the most truth”, you can flip it and say, “the one that tells you the most truth is your best friend”. The point is, if you aim to be truthful, it will be both. Now, expressing the truth doesn’t have to be harsh.

Usually people associate the expression of truth as harsh, but if I come to you and ask questions, that doesn’t have to be harsh. For example, when I am telling someone the truth, I usually ask many questions to see where their mind is, where they want to go in life, whether that’s tomorrow or in five years. I then show them their current actions/behavior will not get them where they want to be.

Let’s say someone wants to move up in their organization, but they are chronically late or cut corners, so I’ll ask them “what characteristics do you think someone is this role (their desired next role) exhibits? When they answer, I’ll contrast their answer to their current behavior. I usually always follow it up with, I only ask because I care. You want these things and I want them for you too. So, helping someone improve to be better requires both expressed appreciation and critique told in loving truth.

Appreciation and criticizing are bound to given based on persona and place. I recollect the teachings of my beloved Automobile Professor , who once said. ” Praise a person in loud voice and criticize a person in soft voice”. He said this when one of the students was presenting a short seminar, who was presenting exceptionally well and this very student was also irregular to college and had fallen short of attendance. When we had a departmental meeting the next day, as usual the professor addressed the meeting and during so , he called upon that student to loudly praise (appreciate) the work of him, in front of the college heads , which made a very good remarkable impression on the student.

But after the completion of meeting, the professor called him to the staff room and with a student’s attendance record in his hand, pointing at students’ low attendance, the professor softly said, “ your parents are paying the college fee through there nose, better mind your attendance”. For which I was simply surprised by action of the professor for his leverage of appreciation and criticism. So, it is in our hands to appreciate or criticize other person and also in its intensity, but response to such stimulus lies solely in hands of that person to improve way better or become inferior.

Whole-heartedly appreciate when appreciation is due. When it warrants criticism - start with what is good about what you have seen. Then be specific about things that can be improved. Point out what can be added, changed, removed. Keep your language and tone of voice neural. Focus on the issue not the person. Offer to help. Both Appreciation and Criticism help a person to grow. Appreciation helps you to motivate yourself and work for the growth you want to achieve. Whereas, Criticism helps you look at your flaws from a different perspective. When someone criticises you, you listen and observe but don’t answer them back. When you listen to the problem, you get to know where you can improve. And where there is scope for improvement, there is scope for growth and achievement. So both have a very important role.

Being criticised by others…huh?Just ignored them.U know if u re being criticised that means u re doing something good or out of the box. Basically,u re being unique and real. Don't give them damn.Stay positive,stay the way you are. Don't try to explain yourself to anyone because they are not worth it. Let your actions speak louder than words. Nobody likes receiving criticism. Criticizing should be a thoughtful action rather than blurting out random thoughts. The best way to criticize is in the first place to realize when and what you have to criticize. You should always comment on details. Whether it’s a compliment or criticism. Start with a genuine compliment about the topic you want to criticize; like this the person won’t be disappointed. Then say your criticism.

Look out that you don’t use words with a negative connotation such as ‘but’, ‘childish’, ‘crippled’. Never comment on something that can’t be changed. Criticism is something whence you correct yourself. If you can’t learn something from the criticism, it has no point. It’s because of this that you should pay attention to point number 1. E.g. never say ‘You’re painting is so ugly’, say ‘The lumps in the paint are still visible’. This one is optional, but recommended if possible. Finish with a new compliment. Hence, the person concerned won’t be offended.

?Do you like to think of human behavior in terms of objectives and actions. Your objective is what you want, and your action is how you get what you want. Criticizing other people is a way to get what you want, so you need to first take a step back and understand what your objective is. Why are you criticizing someone? Basically, I think there are only three main reasons why we criticize others. We are envious that they have something we don’t so in order to make ourselves feel better we criticize them. We dislike them. We want to help someone to improve their work habits.

Each situation has a different reason for why you should or shouldn’t criticize others. Let’s break down each scenario. I’m going to be very straightforward with these responses. You’re envious. You know all of those inspirational quotes and messages you see about cutting off toxic people who bring you down? You’re being one of those people. You have a scarcity mentality and for some reason feel like you’re losing something when someone else is winning. You feel good when you talk trash about someone else that’s doing better than you.

I have two good reasons for why you shouldn’t criticize others for this reason. First of all, you’re being a hater. Successful people want to be around positive and supportive people. Criticizing others who are doing cool things isn’t going to help your friendship - instead you’ll lose people you care about because one day they’ll read a quote while scrolling on Instagram saying how they should cut out people like you. Secondly, it’s probably more likely that if you are a hater, then you don’t have that many friends who are extremely happy and successful. Criticizing others because you’re jealous isn’t going to help you make any new high quality friends either.

Remember, you’re the average of your five closest people who you spend the most time with. If you want to be with winning people, then you have to have a winning attitude. It does you no good to criticize in these situations - instead you’ll benefit more by keeping your mouth shut when you don’t have anything good to say. You dislike them. Well this one is simple. There are simply people that you’re not going to get along with. It’s okay to not like certain people. Just don’t be with them and that should solve the problem. If there are certain people that you don’t know but you dislike them, then criticizing them isn’t going to do much good either. Essentially, most of the time criticizing others is just a form of self-masturbation to boost your own ego and make you feel better about yourself.

The net result of being negative and criticizing people you don’t know is not going to benefit you. Instead you could be using that energy to do something that is long term positive and sustainable. You want to help someone improve. This one is harder. Most of the time if it is a dear friend or family member, you might criticize them and love them at the same time. You criticize them because you want what’s best for that person. You can approach this in a few ways which I detail in my other post on “The Secret of Giving Constructive Criticism”

One of the biggest life lessons I learned this year was about accepting people for the way they are. You have to remind yourself sometimes that not everyone thinks or has the same outlook on life as you do. Just because you have a viewpoint different from someone else’s doesn’t necessarily mean that they need to change to be the way that you want them to be. If you truly love someone and care about someone, you can try to deliver constructive criticism but at the end of the day, you need to choose if you like that person for who they are (or aren’t).

I have plenty of close friends that I simply don’t have the same outlook on life as. I don’t expect them to agree with me on everything, and I also no longer expect them to change who they are for me. I try my best to help and be supportive in difficult times but also realize that if someone doesn’t want to change, then criticizing them isn’t going to make it better. I hope my reasons are strong enough for you to stop criticizing others! Just always remember to ask yourself why you are criticizing someone, what is it that you want, and is criticizing them actually benefiting you or not. Cheers!