Criticized.

Journal Prompt 4

Criticizing. Looks easy to do for others but stays guilty when done to ourselves.

Yes, I do criticize myself. Sometimes more than often. Because I have this need to always remain positive about myself, I sometimes forget that I make mistakes too and I’m only human to put myself down before others.

Comparing and degrading myself to such an extent that I feel I’m the worst human/friend/person sometimes makes me feel that I’m worthy. I know it's a weird combination, but it’s also very true.

Knowing that criticism doesn’t necessarily solve anything, but when I’m stuck so low, I feel rising is easier (know what I mean?)

I mean we all have a pattern where we degrade ourselves the most, get into the smallest shell possible, and don’t ever feel like asking for help. Sometimes, this pattern is so familiar and comfortable, that I don’t feel like getting out of it. So I try to victimize myself and try to make any conversations I have with anyone about me. I know it’s not ‘healthy’ behavior, but not all criticism is healthy either.

Some of these mechanisms I use when I’ve to cope with a difficult situation and when I wish to shut people off, I create worst-case scenarios, do self-sabotage and criticize.

Sometimes, criticizing myself makes me feel really good. Like before someone else can put me down, I do it myself so that I won’t feel hurt when someone else does it to me.

There’s a lot of self-criticism done in a small quantity daily, and at times it is difficult to keep up with it and that’s when burnout strikes. But when you are in that zone of feeling bad, burnout is just a small obstacle, I believe.

You do have a lot of healthy behaviors, but it takes a while to notice all the unhealthy behaviors you have.