CRITICISM: LET’S REACT PROPERLY

When we talk about fear of public speaking, it is important to understand that it’s not a fear of speaking in front of an audience on its own but a fear of criticism. The very same “What will people say”, “What if they don’t like it” and a hundred more similar ideas and thoughts, appearing in our mind. When I ask clients what they think they lack, almost a half of them say that they are afraid of criticism.

The bad news is that criticism is essential if you want to improve your skills or learn something new. There is one important point to be mentioned – how criticism is expressed. Sometimes people try to do the deed perfectly, in hope that they won’t be criticized. This is a typical trap of consciousness, because the better you do something, the more criticism you hear. Sad but true.

I have a lot of stories in my piggy bank, and one of them happened to me personally. A couple of years ago I was performing with artists from La Scala. To make it clear, it is the highest level for opera singers. Despite the fact that I tried my best at the rehearsals, criticism literally poured out on me. In the end I could not stand it anymore and asked why they criticized me so much. The answer was a true shock back then -? "Because you are the only one who can handle the part." Since then, I have learned to be more relaxed about criticism, dividing it into constructive and destructive.

We grow and learn to perceive criticism as an attempt to push our boundaries. The most important thing here is to clearly understand who is criticizing you and not to take everything personally. There are people who criticize only what they personally do not like or what they lack themselves. And you, your personality, have absolutely nothing to do with it. Another thing is when you ask a professional for advice. In this case, you need to heed.

If you want to get maximum profit from criticism, it is better to perceive it from the position of a student, namely, to highlight what a person lacks and try to understand his vision of the case. Excuses, attempts to prove the opposite are absolutely useless here. This dialogue is doomed to become a bitter skirmish. The point is that your opponent is also afraid of criticism and is not ready to accept it.

David Barnes, in his book “Mood Therapy: How to Respond to Criticism”, discusses the deep roots of criticism and how to respond to it. The author even described a clear plan that is designed to disarm the opponent.

Read about 3 steps in the blog: https://ekaterina.kardakova.eu/en/blog/criticism-lets-react-properly/