The Critical Inner Voice of HR: Conversations We Never Talk About

HR’s Silent Battle

As HR professionals, we are expected to be the voice of reason, the moral compass, and the backbone of an organization. But behind the policies, employee relations, and compliance meetings, there’s another conversation happening—the one inside my head.

It sounds something like this:

• “Did I handle that termination correctly?”
• “Am I being fair, or am I too lenient?”
• “What if this decision backfires?”

Cue-in stage right: "don't forget, HR isn’t just about policies and procedures—it’s about people."

And when you’re responsible for people’s careers, well-being, and even livelihoods, the inner critic gets super loud and judgemental.

The Heavy Weight of HR Decisions

Unlike many roles in a company, HR carries an emotional burden that isn’t often talked about or even acknowledged. We’re the ones delivering bad news, managing conflicts, and making calls that affect real lives.

• During a termination: “I know this is the right call, but what if they can’t find another job?”
• During a conflict resolution meeting: “Am I being truly neutral, or do I have an unconscious bias here?”
• When implementing new policies: “Is this going to help employees, or just make things harder?”
• During a layoff announcement: “How do I make this as humane as possible? No matter how gently I deliver the news, it’s still going to change their life.”
• When investigating a harassment complaint: “Am I missing something? What if I don’t take the right action and someone gets hurt?”
• When rejecting a candidate for a job they really need: “I know they’re struggling financially… Did I make the right call, or should I have pushed harder for them?”
• When addressing an employee’s performance issues: “I can see they’re trying, but it’s not enough. Am I being too harsh? Or too lenient?”
• When dealing with an employee who keeps violating policies: “How many chances are too many? At what point do I stop believing in second chances and protect the company instead?”
• When handling a benefits change that affects employees: “Employees will be frustrated. How do I communicate this in a way that helps them understand it’s not in my control?”
• During an exit interview with a valued employee: “What could I have done differently to keep them here? Did we fail them?”
• When mediating a leadership dispute: “If I push back too hard, will I lose credibility? If I don’t push hard enough, will I lose the employees’ trust?”
• When an employee is struggling with mental health but underperforming: “I want to support them, but the business still needs results. How do I balance empathy and accountability?”
• When an executive asks for legal “grey area” advice: “If I say no, will I lose my seat at the table? If I say yes, am I compromising my integrity?”

Every decision we make has a ripple effect, and we feel that weight—even if no one else acknowledges it.

Silencing the Inner Critic: Strategies for HR Professionals

The inner critic is often loud in HR—it questions decisions, doubts effectiveness, and second-guesses even the most well-intentioned actions. But while the inner critic will always exist, it doesn’t have to be in control. Here’s how HR professionals can manage it, silence unnecessary doubts, and build confidence in decision-making.

1. Reframe the Inner Dialogue

Your inner voice can either be a harsh critic or a constructive guide. The way you frame your thoughts determines how much power they hold over you.

Example:

• Instead of: “What if I handled that termination incorrectly?”
• Try: “Did I follow ethical best practices and make the best decision based on the information I had?”

HR often deals with imperfect situations—there’s rarely a perfect decision, just the best possible one at the time. Shifting your inner dialogue from doubt to self-reflection allows you to acknowledge room for growth without spiraling into self-criticism.

? Practical Tip: Keep a decision journal where you note major HR decisions, the reasoning behind them, and the outcome. When doubt creeps in, look back and see how your decisions have played out. More often than not, you’ll realize you made sound, ethical choices.

2. Seek Perspective

HR can be isolating. We carry sensitive information and handle tough calls that many employees never fully understand. But just because HR decisions often feel like solo battles doesn’t mean they have to be.

• HR is rarely black and white—seeking input from peers, mentors, or HR networks helps you see multiple angles of a situation.
• Getting validation from experienced HR professionals can quiet the inner critic, reinforcing that you are not alone in your struggles.

? Practical Tip:

• Build a trusted network of HR peers—whether within your company, through SHRM groups, or online HR forums.
• Before overthinking a tough decision, ask for perspective from a seasoned HR professional or mentor. You might be too hard on yourself for a decision they would’ve made the exact same way.

3. Set Emotional Boundaries

HR is a people-first profession, but it’s easy to absorb the emotions of others—whether it’s frustration from employees, stress from executives, or disappointment from tough calls. Over time, this emotional weight leads to burnout and self-doubt.

Example of boundary-setting:

• Instead of: “I feel terrible about that termination—I hope they’ll be okay.”
• Try: “I handled that termination ethically and with empathy. Their next steps are their responsibility.”

Caring is a strength in HR—but carrying every emotional burden isn’t sustainable. Recognizing where your responsibility ends and an employee’s personal accountability begins is critical for long-term success in this field.

? Practical Tips:

• Compartmentalize: Acknowledge the situation, handle it professionally, and mentally leave it at work.
• Practice self-care: HR carries a lot—ensure you release stress through exercise, meditation, journaling, or hobbies.
• Use “emotional detachment” affirmations: Instead of internalizing tough situations, remind yourself:“I did my job ethically. Their response is not a reflection of me.”“I can be empathetic without absorbing someone else’s pain.”

4. Normalize the Conversation

Many HR professionals struggle in silence—questioning their decisions, feeling alone, and believing they should ‘just handle it.’ But HR isn’t immune to self-doubt, emotional exhaustion, or burnout. Talking about it reduces isolation and strengthens the HR community.

• HR professionals often believe their internal struggles are unique—but they’re not.
• By sharing experiences, we create safe spaces where HR pros can support each other instead of suffering alone.

? Practical Tips:

• Join HR communities where professionals discuss challenges, strategies, and lessons learned.
• Participate in HR podcasts, LinkedIn discussions, or forums—sometimes just knowing that others face the same doubts can be reassuring.
• Lead by example: If you’re in a leadership position, be open about challenges in HR—it helps junior HR professionals see that they’re not alone.

Final Thought: You Are Doing Better Than You Think

The inner critic will never fully go away—but it doesn’t have to control your confidence or decision-making. By reframing self-doubt, seeking guidance, setting emotional boundaries, and normalizing the conversation, you’ll develop the resilience needed to thrive in HR.

Next time your HR inner critic speaks up, try this:

? Pause.

? Ask: ‘Did I act ethically and professionally?’

? Remind yourself: ‘I am doing the best I can in a complex role.’

#HRLeadership #SelfDoubt #PeopleManagement #HRCommunity #HRWellness #CVSHRM