The Critical Choice of Bitter or Better

We all have tough days, and we all go through difficult times. Change and adversity are part of life. It happens to all of us, and at first, we may feel threatened. Our instincts may cause us to resist forcibly or run away – often referred to as “fight or flight.” This is based on fear, which is a common response when we feel new situations will disrupt our daily routines and peace of mind. Our adrenaline and cortisol spike, our heart rate increases, our muscles tense up, and we might start to sweat.

Our fear of change is based on stories – both real and the imagined ones we tell ourselves. Our lives seem out of control, and we feel as though we’re playing a part someone else wrote. It’s hard to see adversity in a positive light. Yet, when the most resilient and impressive leaders I have known are faced with adversity, they all ask, “What is the opportunity?” They consciously consider the choice of becoming bitter or better.

The leaders who have successfully dealt with adversity see it as the catalyst to getting better. When the storm hits, they don’t allow bitterness or a victim mentality to creep in. They believe the adversity made them improve far more than if it didn’t happen! This makes a lot of sense: we often avoid change. It’s how our brains are wired. We get comfortable with something, whether that is a strategy, technology, team hierarchy, or how we do our job… and we stick with it. We fear the unknown, so we avoid it. However, change is a critical part of evolving and improving – businesses can’t sustain success if they never change – and the critical tenet of high-performance teams is that they openly address it. And often, adversity is the catalyst we need to make change happen.

The rhythm is change, choice, then consequence. This recognizes that change creates choices, and how we make those choices profoundly influences our future. Will this challenge or disruption take you down a path to become bitter or better? As Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”?The most resilient change leaders do not see life as a book written by others – they create their own storyline. We often do not control the external change and adversity that happens in our lives, but we always have the freedom to choose how we respond to people, events, and circumstances. Because we always control our choice, we also always own our consequences.

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How can we become better at scouting out the opportunity of change and adversity and focus on getting better versus becoming bitter? Start by asking these questions.

1. What is a new way of thinking or acting this change can bring into my approach to the future?
2. Does this change or adversity challenge some of my habits and routines I have been reluctant to take an honest and objective look at (maybe even in denial)? Which ones?
3. Am I blaming a coach, boss, colleague, industry, or marketplace that is leading me down a path of bitter instead of better? If so, how do I fully reflect on my choices?
4. What is the innovation in the change that excites and energizes me? What can I do to explore this more fully?
5. Does the sting of the adversity cause me to see even more clearly what I want to build that is meaningful, that I’m willing to make critical changes and commitments for?
6. Are there opportunities to collaborate with others on my “better” response to this change so I don’t have to figure it out all alone?

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Learning to deal with change and adversity is what creates resilience, growth, and success for individuals and organizations. Every challenge we navigate strengthens our will, confidence, and ability to conquer future obstacles and create something “better” with all that we touch. Our life is not a book written by others. We each author our own story.