Credible Comforters

(Adapted from the chapter “Too Much to Handle” in the book Yell at God and Live! by Carl McRoy)

“You don’t understand!” is the reflexive response of many hurting people toward well-intentioned sympathizers. However, they soften their tone and don’t easily dismiss our efforts at comforting them when there’s a shared experience. Preparing us to be credible comforters is one reason God lets us go through difficult times:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, [in order] that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God (2 Corinthians 1:3–4, NKJV).

            That we may be able to comfort” could also be rendered “that we may have the power to comfort.” The Greek word translated “able” is dunamis, from which we get the word dynamite. There is a strong power to comfort that we acquire only through pain. The comfort you received during your suffering enables you to disarm the defensive mechanisms of those who have been diagnosed, scammed, discriminated against, jilted, robbed of innocence, heart-broken, grief-stricken, oppressed, and victimized.

           To be a credible comforter means coming alongside of another rather than looking down in pity. We don’t comfort from the outside looking in, as if standing behind protective glass. It isn’t effective from a position of marching ahead, commanding the afflicted to keep up or pushing them from behind. To comfort others is like being in a three-legged race. You do your best to move as one, stride for stride. You have a vested interest in the success of the other because your destiny is tied to theirs. If they fall, you fall. If they fail, you fail. If they succeed, you succeed. You are going through it with them.

           Heaven’s economy is very efficient, and God doesn’t waste any of your experiences. Sometimes what you are going through isn’t for you but the people you need to witness to. Those who are called to full-time evangelism and pastoral ministry should especially expect difficulties that press them without measure. How is it that we desire to offer the depths of His consolation without having trials and tribulations to expand the shallow channels of our selfish hearts? How can we rightly represent a sympathetic Savior when no suffering or sorrow has necessitated His sympathetic touch in our lives?

           God sometimes soaks us in suffering so that we can sympathize more readily with the hardships of others—so that we can truly weep with those who weep. Then we are able to listen attentively, share just enough of our experience to let them know we have faced similar difficulties, and offer them the comfort that comforted us.

           People are more trusting of a tour guide who has travelled the path before. It is our successful journey through the valley of the shadow of death that allows us to usher others through. Without such background, our approach to people in the shadows may cause them to think we’re another stalker seeking to bring them into deeper darkness.

           On the other hand, if you’re feeling like you’re the only one who knows what it’s like to go through tough times, you can open your eyes and ears to the experience of others. Don’t disqualify their attempts to comfort you; they may understand more than you know. All of us are like icebergs; we have more substance beneath the surface than meets the eye. Just as it may seem presumptuous for people to say they understand how you feel, it’s presumptuous for you to deny the depth of their sorrows and their ability to identify. Be careful not to add self-righteousness to your self-pity.

           Whenever you’re tempted to think you’re running alone, remember our Savior was acquainted with grief and tempted with situations like ours (see Hebrews 2:18; 4:15). He walked in our shoes—He lived in our skin. Jesus knew what it was like to feel hunger, pain, exhaustion, heartbreak, abandonment, betrayal, anger, and sorrow. This common experience should inspire us with confidence in His ministry (Hebrews 2:14–18; 4:15–16).

           When you look for that three-legged-race partner and see no one around, you can be confident that He’s there beside you. Stay connected to Him, and He’ll pick you up no matter how often you fall. He’s not concerned about you slowing Him down either. He’s not running scared through the valley, for He already conquered the forces of darkness.