Creativity vs Conflict: Creating what you want instead of resisting what you don't.

Some of the biggest transformations I've seen in my own life, and those of my clients, have come when we've made the shift from working against what we don't want, towards creating what we do want.

This seems like a subtle and perhaps purely semantic difference, but it isn't. The shift of focus towards the ideal outcome, instead of away from the problem at hand, makes a radical difference in the kind of questions we ask ourselves, the kind of actions we take, and the kind of energy that we bring to our interactions with others.

This kind of positive creativity brings joy, passion, energy, and engagement. Conflict, by contrast, is numbing, exhausting, and destructive. It leaves us frustrated and unhappy. We may succeed in getting rid of what we didn't want, but we're often left with an empty shell instead.

If you find yourself feeling this way, ask yourself: Am I currently focussing on creating the outcome I want, or on resisting the outcome that I don't want?

Be very honest with yourself in this.

I've noticed that it can take people some time to really understand, through experience, that these are not the same thing. Superficially, they seem the same: if I get rid of the problem, then I don't have the problem anymore, so the problem is solved, right...?

But actually these perspectives produce radically different results.

When we take a moment to define, clearly, what it is that we really want, and start asking ourselves questions and designing actions that move us towards that, we enter a constructive flow that leads to new ideas and collaboration, and we leave the problem space behind far more easily and effortlessly.

This holds true not only at work, but in all kinds of relationships. For example: you want your partner to be more engaged and connected during dinner time. So you get frustrated and complain at them for not being more engaged. Does this help? Does it create the connection that you are looking for? We have all experienced that the answer is no.

The reason is that we are trying to make them stop being disconnected, instead of creating the kind of space and interaction that invites them to want to be connected and engaged.

What if we instead flipped the focus towards creating more connection? What things could we do or say that might create the desire in them to connect and engage with us more? Who would we need to be for them to show up differently?

This distinction, which I like to call Creativity vs Conflict, has the ability to radically transform our lives if we learn to consistently apply it and shift our focus towards the positive and away from the negative.

Notice that this isn't positive thinking: We are not pretending that the positive future we want already exists, nor that the current situation doesn't exist. We are totally realistic about it. But we are fully engaged and focussed on creating the future instead of fighting the present.

This shift isn't easy. As humans, we love being resisting what isn't working for us. It's almost celebrated as a cultural virtue. I'm merely suggesting that there might be a better way. And I still have to practice this daily myself, and I often don't succeed. I can get as frustrated and resistant as anyone does. But when I am able to shift away from conflict and towards creativity, my situation, actions, and mood change for the better, every time.

I invite you to try this for the next week or so. Experiment with showing up to your challenges with creativity towards what you want instead of conflict against what you don't, then let me know what things shift for you as a result.

If you are curious to know what it might be like for us to work together, schedule a quick connection call with me.