Success isn't a solo project: How to discover your allies and role models

There’s a theory in astronomy called the Drake equation that tries to figure out the exact odds we’re not alone in the universe. I’m not going to type it out and scare anyone, but basically it takes the number of stars born per year (Grats! It’s a brown dwarf!) and multiplies that by a fraction of increasingly improbable odds of the number of habitable planets, planets that have life, intelligent life, life that can COMMUNICATE, and finally the length of time that it takes for a society to survive and develop the means to communicate with other planets. Whew. The number gets small, guys. Like, decimal and lots of zeroes small. BUT . . . it’s always nonzero!

The equation can’t guarantee that we’ll ever encounter alien life. And the results can vary depending on the numbers you put in, none of which are one hundred percent accurate. Yay, science? But as for ourselves and our own creativity? Felicia’s Equation DEFINITELY says we are NOT alone! One hundred percent verified! By me! While I’m typing this!

There are untold numbers of people in the world who are ready to encourage, inspire, and cheer us on. We’ve sent enough restraining orders out in the enemies section; let’s counterbalance that with some nice thank-you cards now!

First an admission: I have an awkward history with other humans. (This is not a revelation to anyone.) My Twitter bio has read “misanthrope” since 2008. And it all stems from my childhood. My parents homeschooled me and my brother. Which was great, because I slept in every day. The SAT was the first official test I ever took when I decided to apply for college. At fifteen. Until then, I’d only interacted with other children during extracurricular classes. Supervised and structured. No sleepovers. No lunchtime “hangs.” No opportunity to be bullied for my weirdnesses, which was good, but also no opportunity to enjoy the concept of basic, human camaraderie. Which was, er . . . bad. I sometimes forget how different my upbringing was from other people’s. That is, until a friend invites me out for drinks and I’m like, “What will we be DOING together?” “Uh . . . enjoying each other’s company?” “Can I bring a deck of cards so at least we can have the option to play poker?”

I know that growing up separated from other people is the reason I don’t reach out for help when I need it. In my mind, I have to do everything myself. That’s what being raised in isolation does for you, shocker! It takes effort to remind myself that not all people will make fun of me if I expose my ignorance about boy bands, like some chick named Heather did back in community orchestra. “You don’t know who Justin Timberlake is? I mean Joey Fatone is the hot one, but still, what a WEIRDO!” This is probably why, if anyone asks, “Have you seen X?” I always say, “Yes!” even if I haven’t. (Confession: I’ve never seen Battlestar Galactica. I HAVE watched compilation trailers just so I could nod smartly if it’s brought up in conversation. I’ve lived a lie. I’m sorry. End story. Except continue reading.) I have to wage a constant battle with my inner Eeyore, to look outside myself for support, but when I do, it’s always worth it. Because I simply wouldn’t be here, in any way, shape, or form as a creator, if it weren’t for other people encouraging and inspiring me along the way.

It’s important to identify other humans who can give us creative boosts. We all need a quick set of favorites in our mental contact list for when our Hero-Self requires guidance and encouragement, or just needs to bitch a little bit about traffic. That’s fine too.

Role Models

Starting on a broad scale, it’s helpful to figure out exactly who our role models in life are and why. Sure, we all have public figures whom we adore. Like, I’m obsessed with Mindy Kaling. (Now that she has a baby, I’m not sure why we’re not best friends. I mean we’re in the same city and EVERYTHING.) I’m always a bit too focused on what Elon Musk is doing. And Shonda Rhimes. And I see myself in the fictional character of Anne of Green Gables in a completely irrational way. Yes, I’m drawn to these people (or imaginary characters), but WHY? Going beyond hair color or rocket ships, what is something deeper about what they’ve accomplished that I’m drawn to? (And yes, it’s okay to admire someone just for their hair. Not that I would be so superficial. *cough* Amy Adams *cough*)

Figuring out WHY we’re inspired by particular people we’ll probably never meet can help us learn more about who we are ourselves and what direction we want to go with our creativity. Pinning down that I’m drawn to Elon Musk for how he revolutionizes things, Shonda Rhimes for how she gives a voice to the underrepresented, and Anne of Green Gables for how she’s a quirky, poetry-loving outcast all add up to, “Those are qualities I want to channel on my own journey too! Also, how do I get Amy Adams’s hair? The world wants me to have her hair!”

We need people who embody our dreams, shining like pretty little stars in our sky, just to show us that the crazy things we dream about making or doing are actually POSSIBLE. If we’ve never been exposed to someone like Matt Mercer, who actually makes a living at playing Dungeons & Dragons, then how would we ever get the idea to start playing ourselves? Those imaginary goblins don’t get killed by halberds in a vacuum!

It’s helpful to do role model role-reversal as well. Have a passion? Pick an achiever! By taking our creative goals and setting out to find people to learn from and emulate, we’re able to create a loose outline for how we can accomplish our creative dreams ourselves. We can never duplicate another’s path, because of that “each one of us is weirdly unique” thing, but it’s nice to have a road map to draw inspiration from and help further define our dreams.

When I was a kid, I had a vague sense that I wanted to be an actor. People thought I was cute and I liked dancing, check! Then I moved to Hollywood to be a REAL actor. Professionally. Er . . . kind of. It took a long time to get my career off the ground. I mostly auditioned for a lot of weepy victim parts. Because that’s what was presented to me and I passively accepted it. Had I pinned down exactly whose careers I actually coveted and admired before I dove in . . . well, I would have collected the biographies of a lot of dead ladies from old-timey movies (I spent a summer talking in that weird Katharine Hepburn New England accent when I was twelve because that’s how I thought movie stars had to talk. It’s not.) BUT I also would have picked out a lot of sitcom actors who were funny and not weepy or victim-y at all (except when they wanted to win an Emmy or something). Then I stumbled into a comedy improv class by accident and discovered making people laugh is the BOMB. I was finally able to pin down people like Lisa Kudrow and Megan Mullally as, “HER! I want to do roles like hers! Show me THOSE parts!” Having them as inspiration helped me steer my training and career in a more fulfilling direction. Into hour-long sci-fi television mostly, which is definitey NOT the same as sitcom acting, ahem, but I’m usually the character who cuts the heavy stuff with a quip, so practically the same.

However we get there, having a set of people we admire, even if we never meet them in person, helps draw us forward, like a magnet. If we ever start to flag on our journeys, we can hold their examples up for a big, juicy boost. “Someone else succeeded! I’m not wasting my time! Mmm, tastes like chicken!” And even more than the hope of similar success, being aware of the challenges they faced can help us as creators even more.

We don’t see a film crew of six hundred while watching a big action movie; we just watch robots fighting and think that Steven Spielberg’s job seems awesome. If we watch Hamilton, we consume it in under three hours. In the moment, it’s hard to appreciate that it took Lin-Manuel Miranda six years to write it. SIX YEARS! If only every piece of art told us the amount of time and effort it took to make, perhaps we’d be a wee bit easier on ourselves when we don’t achieve success overnight. 

Excerpted from "Embrace Your Weird: Face Your Fears and Unleash Creativity" by Felicia Day. Copyright ? 2019 by RobotKittenGiggleBus Productions. Reprinted by permission of Gallery Books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster Inc.