Creating Through Grief in Virtual Reality

If you have seen videos posts sharing progress on #augmentedreality projects you may have spotted a small orange cat in the background among virtual objects and terrain. I recently lost my depth testing assistant and attentive co-worker, Sullivan. This has severely disrupted our family as the constant care of this tiny creature was the center of our household for almost nineteen years. My wife told me he was dying just as I was about to enjoy a morning among the sakura in Tokyo while on assignment in Japan. I'm grateful I got home in time to say goodbye. But in those moments before returning home I learned all too well the lesson of the falling blossoms: life is beautiful, but so short. Make the most of your time.

At my age, I'm no stranger to loss. I knew I had a choice presented to me again: I could carry my grief to bed and slip into depression, or I can create through the pain. So, I can now attest to you that the fans in the HTC VIVE Focus 3 keep tears from fogging up the lenses. This still stings like hell, but I'm glad I made something from it, and I'm eager to share it with you.

While on the long flight back to the US, I decided I was going to make a #webxr space as a memorial to him in JanusWeb. I had plenty of time to stew in my seat. I decided if I were to make it in time, I would scan him with my phone. I used Polycam to do that. Fortunately, that was a painless process, so I could go back to being with him in his last moments.

Work left my family alone for the week. I'm grateful to have the time away--probably best to steer clear of customers anyhow with my short fuse. Instead of weeping in bed, I got up every morning fighting jet lag, put on my headset and fired up Gravity Sketch . I'd wave my arms all until I was tired. Through this process, I found invaluable advice from a YouTuber, The Spatial Canvas.

Although I was able to do a great deal purely in VR (the new MR mode and web browser for music in Gravity Sketch is awesome, by the way), I still had that last painful step of going into Blender for the final steps--this should be a goal for our industry: to create without having to finish in Blender.

I was able to create a scene that captured my complex feelings as art should. If a picture paints a thousand words, what happens when you add the third dimension? Furthermore, I was able to export this into different modalities. The first being a Looking Glass I presented to my wife. Sullivan often slept next to her desk throughout the workday. I hope having this peaceful scene nearby helps manage that void a bit.

I then went about modifying it for #webxr . The webspace can be found here:

If on mobile, use your right thumb to turn and your left thumb to move. The first tap begins the music. On a PC use WASD keys to move and your mouse to look. Press Escape to leave the browser. It's multiplayer, so you may see others drop by to enjoy the serenity I hope I captured. A big thanks to James Baicoianu for helping me out with some of the technical hurdles that we eventually overcame.

The last modality was using WorldCAST AR . I didn't have the same luck with this, but I understand why. When his remains were returned to us, serendipitously, the beautiful wooden box had a carving of sakura. I think the target is just not high contrast enough for a phone to break it out. The good news is that building this took a shockingly short amount of time to create. Had it worked, it would have been the best music box.

I'm still trying to muster the strength to work at home without my constant friend. I must adapt; creating through this grief has been crucial to that process. We still have his brother and littermate, and while he isn't always under foot like Sullivan was, he does remind me to step away from the desk every afternoon. He's getting twice the love now. If your pet is a fixture of your work day, hold those blossoms a tight as you can.