Creating Space for Emotions~A Powerful, Dynamic Way to Connect

Parent-child communication is often seen as something that happens naturally. While day-to-day interactions may come easily, truly meaningful conversations—especially those about emotions—require intention, effort, and practice.. For many children, whether very young or adolescent, emotions can be overwhelming and difficult to articulate. Young ones lack the vocabulary to express their feelings, while older children and teens often grapple with understanding those emotions themselves. If emotions aren’t a regular topic of discussion at home, they can feel foreign and even taboo.

To normalize emotions, as we discussed last week, open and trusting communication must be the foundation. But here’s the challenge: being in the role of a parent doesn’t automatically guarantee that a child will feel safe enough to share their innermost thoughts or feelings. In fact, our culture has historically taught the opposite—discouraging vulnerability, dismissing emotions as weakness, and valuing stoicism over openness.

Think back to your own childhood. Did you regularly share your feelings with your parents? Was it safe and normal to express emotions, or were there unspoken rules about keeping things to yourself? If you struggled to open up as a child, imagine how much more difficult it might be for children today, navigating a world that’s increasingly fast-paced and disconnected.

We want to build emotional safety through communication

For children or anyone really, to feel 'emotionally safe’ enough to be vulnerable and express their emotions, a safe environment for open dialogue must be created and start with one essential principle: The need to know it’s safe to be vulnerable. Know, as in, innately feel this ‘knowing.’ This safety doesn’t come from words alone but from consistent actions. Parents must demonstrate—through tone, demeanor, and behavior—that they can handle what their child shares without judgment or overreaction.

Here’s an example of how a common parenting misstep can unintentionally shut down communication: Imagine your 8-year-old comes to you after spilling a glass of juice on the carpet. Their face is tense, and they’re clearly upset.

• A reactive response: “I’ve told you to be careful! Why weren’t you paying attention? Now look at the mess you’ve made. You’re always so careless!”
• A paused, responsive approach: Take a deep breath. Then say, “I can see you’re upset. Spills happen, and it’s okay. Let’s clean it up together. Maybe next time we can find a better spot to set your juice down.”

In the first response, the child hears criticism and blame, which can create fear and hesitation to share mistakes or struggles in the future. In the second response, the parent models understanding and emotional regulation, showing the child that it’s safe to approach them even when things go wrong. These consistent responses and modeled behaviors are what will help children build their understanding of emotions—both their own and others— why they’re having them, and strategies to help them navigate the feelings that come up with (big) emotions.

Starting conversations about emotions doesn’t have to be grand or formal—they can and ought to happen naturally in the course of daily life. Here are some simple ways to incorporate these discussions:

• When your child is upset, ask open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling right now?” (Questions such as this one can help children to become aware of their body-thought relationship, as well as learn/build vocabulary to help them express themselves in times of ‘big’ emotions.
• You could also ask, “What do you think caused that feeling?” to help bring about an awareness of what triggered their reaction, and then if appropriate, ask what they think might help them now and in the future in a similar situation. This way they’re adding ‘tools’ to their toolbox of strategies for life.
• Share your own emotions in an age-appropriate way. For example, “I was feeling frustrated earlier because I couldn’t find my keys, but taking a few deep breaths helped me calm down.” You could also explain what you did next to help yourself find your keys…and perhaps even a strategy to help yourself in a similar situation in the future, in this case, deciding on a single spot in the house to hang your keys so you’ll always find them.
• Use everyday moments as teaching opportunities. If you notice a character in a book or TV show expressing a strong emotion, ask your child, “Why do you think they’re feeling that way?”

By modeling authentic emotional expression and encouraging conversations, especially led with open ended questions about feelings, parents help children develop a vocabulary for their emotions. This language is crucial for developing emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and normalizing having conversations about emotions.?

The positive ripple effect of a single family’s decision and commitment to raising children who embrace the emotional side of their humanity is profound—it reflects a dedication to fostering greater peace in the world. While this may seem like a bold statement, it echoes the wisdom of Margaret Mead, who famously said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.” There is undeniable power in the actions of one, and transformative strength in collective effort.

When children feel safe discussing their emotions, they’re more likely to develop confidence, resilience, and empathy. They learn that emotions aren’t something to fear or suppress but valuable tools that can guide them through life’s challenges. Over time, these open dialogues become a natural part of the parent-child relationship, fostering a bond built on trust and mutual understanding.

Normalizing emotions isn’t just about helping children navigate their feelings—it’s about creating a lifelong habit of communication and connection. By purposefully opening these conversations, parents empower their children to embrace their humanity and approach the world with emotional intelligence and compassion.

In a world that has largely avoided the “messiness” of emotions for far too long, let’s be the ones to make space for them, one conversation at a time.