Creating Safe Space
Hey there, mamas! Are you in a tough season where it feels like life is throwing everything at you, leaving you spinning and struggling to catch your breath?
I know I've felt the pain of a never-ending to-do list and the frustration of feeling constantly behind. I know what it’s like to ignore the laundry piling up, the marriage, and the self-care because you simply can’t take on one more thing today.
Several years ago, I was raising two kids under 3, one with special needs, struggling with post-partum depression and anxiety, and trying to run a retail brick-and-mortar store during the pandemic. Managing the everyday demands of my family and business exhausted my emotional energy, leaving little time to connect with myself truly, my goals, my dreams, and my desires.
Knowing that I couldn't change the external circumstances, I set out to change my internal landscape, diving deep into personal development, productivity, and time management to help me manage the chaos.
During that time, I started to notice the importance of creating a safe, zen environment for myself to decompress and for my children to decompress as well. In the hustle and bustle of life, finding the time to fill your own cup and dive deep into your soul can be hard to find, but it's so incredibly worth it.
Try out the following tips and strategies to fill up your cup and create a nurturing environment for yourself and your family.
Leading with Love: Mama, you're the heartbeat of your home. It's okay to put yourself first sometimes, to recharge and rejuvenate. When you prioritize your well-being, you're not just filling up your cup, but you're also showing your little ones the importance of self-love and care. When you model a deep, compassionate self-relationship for your children, they grow up to not only become productive members of society but regulated, happy members of society as well.
Remember Who You Are: Before you were a parent-- Who were you? The key is to remember who you are outside of your role as a parent. For you to show up as the parent you want to be, you first need to be the version of YOU that you want to be. You need to set aside time and space to be able to reconnect with yourself, see what energizes and ignites you, and understand what triggers and drains you. In the digital age, we tend to pick up our phones to scroll or zone out in front of the TV when we have some time to ourselves. We call that “self-care” but what we need to do is take an honest look and ask ourselves if that truly is adding value, energy, or passion to our lives. Or are we numbing? Is it an intentional time to decompress, or is it simply a habit we have fallen into?
I recommend that my clients make a list of things that “fill their cup” and keep it handy so that when they do find themselves with an hour at the end of the night, they have some options to choose from. Maybe it truly is watching another re-run of Friends that lights them up. But perhaps they will instead get inspired to call a friend, read a book, have a bath, or reconnect with their spouse. When we give ourselves options, we can be intentional about our choices and therefore create the life we want.
Welcoming Big Emotions: Our children are our mirrors. What they see, they will model. Opening the lines of communication wide is important-- not only for your children but for yourself as well. Make time to have open and deep conversations with yourself. Most importantly, be honest with yourself. Don't repress your emotions-- be open to fully expressing them and moving through them, creating a powerful example for your children to follow.
Navigating life with business, family, motherhood, and, well, personhood is an intense rush of emotion. There will be highs and lows in any relationship-- especially the one with yourself. By embracing and acknowledging your own emotions, you show your children that it's okay to feel all the feels—and that Mommy's here to hold space for them, no matter what.
Setting Boundaries with Love: Boundaries have gotten a bad reputation, but they are not about building walls; they're about creating safe spaces where everyone can thrive and grow. As a mama, it's okay to say no and set boundaries that honor your needs and values. By modeling healthy boundaries, you teach your children the importance of self-respect and self-care.
Worried you’ll meet resistance if you set a boundary? Try stating what you need instead of making a rule for someone else to follow. Invite your loved one to be a part of the new expectation, explain why it is important to you, and give them a job to do that supports your boundary to help them feel included and receptive to the change. Remember, boundary setting (and keeping!) takes practice!
Seek Support: Asking for help is the single best thing we can do as parents and women. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I think it also takes a village to raise a mother. Our lives are full of stress and obstacles not only in our parenting journey but in all facets of our lives, careers, and relationships. Lean into your community, ask for and accept help from those who love you, and remember – they are getting value from the exchange!
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Grandparents are often delighted to babysit because it means they are not only helping you (their child), but they also get quality time with their grandchild. Friends and neighbors who offer help genuinely want to be of assistance, so take them up on it and ditch the previously associated guilt that came with asking for and accepting help.
It’s unrealistic and unhealthy to expect yourself to be able to “do it all”. Lean into the support of others, and if you need to, let a few things go. Let yourself off the hook – no one is doing it all, despite what your social media feed is telling you.
Listen, I know it’s hard.
Being a parent can so often be chaotic and exhausting; it can take everything you’ve got to give. It can also be rewarding and uplifting, filling your heart with so much joy you think it might burst. Find the balance by giving yourself some grace and weaving in a few of the above strategies I’ve offered.
When you start to feel more centered and grounded, your family notices, and there is a ripple effect. They start to feel more centered and grounded as they go into their schools, workplaces, and communities where they impact their peers, and the zen spreads from your personal environment into the world. Be the change, as they say.
If you're ready to dive into a transformation, your moment to be you is NOW.
Let this be your invitation.
You absolutely can and should do this.
I sure hope you will.
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