Creating Rapport, Step 3: SUPPORTING!

 - This post was the third in a four-part series newsletter in creating rapport, covering SUPPORTING. What it is, why we do it and how you do it.
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'I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". – Jimmy Carr
 
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Click here to access the second step in creating rapport.

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Without further ado:
 
SUPPORTING
 
*Disclaimer: This is a powerful NLP technique that can and should only be used for good and certainly not in a malicious or manipulative way.*
 
What is it?
Supporting is being absolutely present to the person you are communicating with. I am sure I am not alone when I say it is something I battle with. People including myself, are so immersed in being busy, being on call, being reactive to their surroundings, that being present with one subject at a time is becoming harder and harder to achieve.
 
Why do we do it?
Supporting creates the context for rapport. While we are calibrating and pacing another, we show that we are in the other person’s world. Supporting their true needs. Showing we are there to hear what they have to say and to experience what they have to express. Remember, very little of what is communicated is verbal.
 
Supporting happens during the pacing part of the communication. As we said last week, we do it to illustrate that we are the “same.” We are in each others world and we are experiencing the same things.
 
How do you do it?
 Active listening: this means eye contact. Shut up (again.) Letting the other person talk. Showing you are actually listening, by nodding your head. Giving gestures of verbal and non-verbal of acknowledgment (not necessarily agreement). The best way to show verbal understanding is to repeat what the person says back to them, in a question form, “So if I’m understanding you correctly, you’re saying: XYZ?”
 
As William Ury, cofounder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation, says in his Ted Talk: “We put ourselves in their shoes. We tune into their wavelength. We listen from within their frame of reference. Not just ours. And that’s not easy…” “We listen to not just the words, but what is behind the words.”
 
Active listening happens best when distractions and interruptions are removed.
 
Distractions like other conversations, TV, radio and other noise. Your phone is a monster distractor! The nano-second you look at your phone while someone is talking to you, they can see (and feel) that you are not completely present – they will begin to fall out of rapport with you very quickly. When actively listening, don’t even think about your phone, let alone look at it!
 
Interruptions like people barging into your office or people talking to you even if you're not ready to listen. Setting boundaries with coworkers, clients and friends in this respect will go a long way to protect the active listening you are doing with the person in front of you. Phone calls, smss and Whattsapp messages are not only to be ignored but forgotten about. This way you will demonstrate to the other person that you are present.
 
In response provide judgment-free feedback: Feedback that has no agenda other than to understand the others point of view you will open up the other person to being open to you and open with you.

Free-flowing truthful communication!

Thank you.