Creating Rapport, Step 2: PACING!

This was the second in a series of four-part series about creating rapport I released as a newsletter from my Coaching operation: Sign up for my newsletter here
 
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In the previous post, we covered Calibration, the first step in creating rapport.

Without further ado:
 
PACING
 
**"Disclaimer: This is a powerful NLP technique that can and should only be used for good and certainly not in a malicious or manipulative way.”
 
What is it?
Pacing is matching and mirroring the behavior of a person you are communicating with. It may be your client, colleague, peer, boss, family member, or friend.
 
Why do we do it?
We do it to illustrate that we are the “same.” We are in each others world and we are experiencing the same things. You do it to show the person in front of you they are safe with you, and can trust you, and if need be may open up. It creates an atmosphere for honest communication to take place between people.
 
How do you do it?
 Verbal Matching:

• Words: When talking or responding use the same words that the other person is using. Not your interpretation of their words, or a synonym, or another word that you feel better describes their situation. Use their words.
• Tempo: Talk at the same speed and volume the person is talking at.
• Tones: Speak in the same tones that the person is talking in. Match an aggressive tone with a slightly less aggressive tone, or a quiet or reserved tone with the similar one. If you are trying to lead the person to become more confident, start off lower and then bring them with you into a higher or stronger tone to induce some self-confidence.

 Non Verbal Mirroring:

• Posture: Match the person’s posture. Slouch a bit if she is slouching, sit up straight, or cross legs at the ankles if she is doing that. Look for cues like crossed arms, hands on the table, eye contact. Match or mirror how he /she is sitting or standing.
• Breathing: Check for where the breathing is happening, high middle or lower abdomen. Check for the depth and speed of breathing, match yours to theirs and instantly you should see and feel a connection with the person.
• Gestures: be aware of where the hand gestures are happening. High around the face and head? Or low around the abdomen? Or in middle somewhere. Use the same hand gestures and match them to the words that the person is using.

 
What are some of the other ways you pace someone by mirror or matching while communicating?
 
Once you master pacing the person in front of you, you will be very close to being in rapport.
The next step in attaining this rapport is SUPPORTING.
 
Can’t wait!

PS. I am currently developing a workshop for David le Roux Coaching subscribers. It will be an exclusive three-hour morning session. Packed with insane amounts of value that you can apply to your personal and business lives. It is going to be run in Pretoria, South Africa on the 2nd of July 2016.

See you all then!