Creating New Family Traditions to Reduce Stress

Statistically speaking, if you are hosting for the holidays you're probably already bogged down by the weight of your to-do list. Research shows that 3 out of 4 Americans are feeling stressed about hosting guests this year.

I get it.

A typical Thanksgiving dinner caused a lot of stress for everyone in my family.

We all knew it but didn’t think there was another way. It’s tradition, and we must do it, even if it’s driving us crazy!

It got so bad that one year MaryBeth and I swore we’d go away on Thanksgiving because we thought that was the only way to escape the stress.

But there was another way.

You see, I do want to invest time with my family. Cooking for others is my love language. And I do love the holidays.

I just don’t want the stress.

The biggest part of the stress was in hosting Thanksgiving.

Well, why don’t we go out instead? Let’s remove all the hosting duties and JUST focus on gathering over great food and conversation.

So, after some convincing, we did. And guess what?

It was one of our favorite Thanksgiving as a family. So much so that it’s now become our new tradition!

Why?

Because we were able to remove what was draining our energy and replace it with love. We clarified what we wanted, why it was important and prioritized making that happen. In short, we aligned with our shared values as a family.

Creating a new tradition that we all enjoy and look forward to.

Here are three lessons I learned that can serve you and your family this holiday season.

• Talk to your family about core values.???? Having a conversation with your family about your shared and unique values is a game changer. It helps you discover how to make your gatherings more enjoyable for everyone. Not just doing what you’ve always done for the “sake of tradition.” When you learn what your family loves and doesn’t really care about, you then can set boundaries on what to prioritize and what to let go of. In the end, it makes people feel filled instead of drained. Start by asking each family member: What do you love about the holidays? And what don’t you love? Then notice: What common threads can you find? What values are honored or violated in those experiences? For our family, we realized that we loved being together (values of connection and sense of belonging) but the stress caused by hosting made us feel disconnected – inadvertently violating those very same values. Want to supercharge your values talks? Have your whole family take our free core values quiz and see which core values you have in common that you could activate on purpose.
• Intent before content.??? When you know you’re going to have an emotional conversation with someone, it's always a good idea to start with your intention. It keeps you on track and grounded in why the conversation matters. It could be as simple as, “I care about our family connection, and I want to find a way for us to all prioritize that during holidays together. I know we all value quality time together.” [INTENT]Then… “I’ve found a great restaurant that could host us, so we only need to put energy into time together and the rest is taken care of. Might you be open to that?” [CONTENT]See how I did NOT start with, “Let’s eat at a restaurant so we’re not so stressed this year.” That may fly in some dynamics, but it’s always a great rule of thumb to start with why it matters to you first so people know where you’re coming from. Remember to keep your intention positive. What is the positive feeling you want to have? And how might you share that before you suggest a solution? Focus on what you want as opposed to what you don’t want.Think: Connection [WANT] vs. Not being stressed [DON'T WANT]. And this works with any conversation you are having. So, the next time you are about to go deep, remember to share your intention first. ?
• Have your game plan to make it easy for everyone to say yes.?? Even though the only constant in the world is change. Humans do not like change. So when you propose a big change, do your homework and set everything up so that it is an easy yes. Some things to consider… What obstacles might come up that I could eliminate? How might I set things up beforehand so all they need to do is say yes? Whose help might I ask before proposing the idea so I know I have support? Before I had this conversation with my family. I first got clear on what our family valued around Thanksgiving. I then talked to my sister about how we could activate those values and enjoy our time together more easily at a restaurant. She agreed. I then found a restaurant that aligned with our values and made the reservation ahead of time. So when I had the conversation with my family, all they had to do was say yes and everything was set up. Make changes simple and easy for people to say yes to.

For me, the holidays are about enjoying time with loved ones. Eating good food. Having gratitude. And taking time to rest and rejuvenate.

And now, I get that because I realized there was a better way and took action to make it happen.

How are you and your family going to activate your shared values this holiday season?

When you are ready, here are three ways we can help you.

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