Creating Great Relationships

GGA Seminar Creating Great Relationships

The past has the potential to teach us much. Applying that learning to the here and now gives us the opportunity to develop new beliefs and ways of behaving. We all want to live in the present moment, and look forward to a future, free of limiting beliefs and negative patterns of behaviours.

A good example is where people choose the same sort of partners time and time again with disastrous consequences.

One particular client of mine had suffered through a string of terrible relationships. When we analysed what was going on, she had always chosen her partner on criteria based on external characteristics; looks, salary, life style etc. When she began to think about their values, comparing them to the ones she thought important and likely to sustain a long term, loving relationship she realised that none of these ‘ideal’ looking partners shared any of the same values. Sometime later, she met a man who may not have ticked all the ‘external’ requirements, but very much did tick all the shared-values checklist, and they are now enjoying a happy life together. She did a good job of learning the lessons her own history was providing for her!

I have worked with many clients who subsequently have learnt lessons and let go of their accumulated baggage from years of experiencing abuse or unhappiness. In doing so they created a different and very positive present and an exciting future for themselves. This did not mean forgetting all about what ever created the problem. It is about deciding to let go of the negative emotions surrounding the problem, absorbing the learning from the situation to use in the future.

Think about the emotion you feel most commonly about the relationship which is causing you pain.?

In the last week, which are the five emotions you have felt most commonly? List them. If you have spent much time feeling negative emotions maybe it is time to break the pattern and do something about making changes to your life?

We can actively choose to do things very differently. To create a set of empowering beliefs which support the very best future for us.

There are 10 steps to breaking the pattern:

Step 1 – Identify your emotions.

Step 2 - What makes you feel this way?

Step 3 – Change your physiology (the way you stand, breathe, your expression).

Step 4 – Consider a different possibility.

Step 5 – Interpret the other person’s motive differently.

Step 6 – Change the trigger to be one of a positive emotion

Step 6 – Breaking the pattern.

Step 7 – Identifying different responses

Step 8 - Trying out the non-judgmental response

Step 9 – Evaluate what is going on

Step 10 – Get some support and help

Dealing with your sense of self-worth makes an enormous difference to how you feel about life and relationships. Dealing with your own emotional baggage and learning to forgive others and yourself will give you the very best foundation to enjoy a wonderful present and an empowering future. Working with someone you trust and who can help you manage the process can be incredibly helpful.

You cannot change the past. What you can do is make sure it doesn’t spoil your present and your future ability to create great relationships.

See also:

Genuine Chats - Silence Is Golden https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/genuine-chats-gina-silence-golden-gina-gardiner

Genuine Chat - Dreams Are Important https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/genuine-chats-gina-dreams-importance-happiness-gina-gardiner

Genuine Chat - Are You In The Right Relationship? https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/genuine-chat-gina-you-relationship-right-person-gina-gardiner