Creating Connections - Let's Check In

If you asked me what I think is the most potent Agility practice, I’d respond without hesitation with “Retrospectives.” Regular reflection and constructive feedback are the rocket fuel of learning and continuous improvement.

But if you asked me what my favorite Agility practice is, it would be “Check-In Questions.”

If you want to know more about check-in questions, here is an article from The Ready on the topic and another from Edgar Schein on the relationship between humble inquiry and psychological safety.

My “why?” is for connection with others and myself.

One of my beliefs is that every person we meet in life has seen something we haven’t seen, read something we haven’t read, and experienced things we haven’t experienced, so every person I encounter has the potential to be a learning/growth experience if I take the time to be curious. Check-in questions are a way to be curious.

An example of this was when I asked a check-in question, “What is something you will miss from the pandemic?” and a colleague said that they would miss the time they got to spend with their kids every day when they were driving them to and from school. They had one child in elementary school and another in middle school, so they could have individual time with each of their children and be together as a family. That story helped me connect with a colleague in a more human way than just talking about work.

My answers to check-in questions can change as I’m changing over time.

A check-in question I’ve asked where my response has changed is, “Where is the dopest place you’ve ever traveled to, and why?” I first asked that question at team happy hour early on a new project, and the responses across the team were thoughtful, varied, and vivid.

My response then was to the Galapagos Islands, which I visited in 2008. If you haven’t been to the Galapagos, they are a magical and unique place of landscapes and animals that have no fear of humans (as evidenced by being able to walk amongst them, as pictured below).

The Galapagos is still near the top of my “best trip” list, but if you asked me the question now, the answer would be different: the “Great Western Road Trip” of April 2022, during which my partner and I spent two weeks visiting Moab, Arches, Canyonlands, Bryce, Antelope Canyon, Zion, and the Grand Canyon.

Besides the grandeur of the locations (they don’t call it the Grand Canyon for nothing), the trip's significance was personal. We were getting on the other side of the pandemic and also coming up on the first anniversary of the passing of our daughter, Sam. If you’ve experienced the loss of someone close, you know about “the year of firsts.” Our “year of firsts” was a painful blur, and we saw the trip as an opportunity to restore from what we’d been through and prepare for what we knew would be a terrible anniversary.

We’d heard about studies showing the power of nature (awe) to relieve PTSD symptoms in veterans and thought it was safe to try it for ourselves. In addition to the awe factor of the locations, we hiked at least 10 miles a day, with a big day of 16 miles, which challenged our bodies and stamina. I know that anecdotes aren’t data, but from our experience, I believe in the healing power of nature and awe. The trip was exactly what we needed.

If you’ve browsed my travel pictures over the last few years, you’ll notice that we post photos with a stuffed animal, Leopard. Leopard was Sam’s first beloved childhood stuffed animal, and now he travels with us everywhere we go since she can’t. He is one way we honor her memory and keep her close to us.

My story is pretty heavy, and I hope it wasn’t too heavy for you. What I hope you get from it is the importance of connecting and checking in with others and yourself.

Now that I’ve shared my check-in story, how about you answer with your “dopest trip and why?” in the comments, and let’s learn more about each other.