Creating the Conditions for Rest

This month I want to unpack together a simple, infuriating experience: we work hard and wait all week for downtime. Maybe it’s an evening, a Saturday morning, imagine even an entire Sunday. Maybe we are grabbing brunch with friends, playing with our kids, shuttling between plans. Whatever it is, the time comes, and we feel: off, annoyed, restless, unable to settle into our bones and just enjoy. We aren’t present. We are not working, but we don’t feel settled about anything we are doing. This month I am asking: What’s up with that and how could it be different?

I have a couple of different theories about what is happening, and what practices can help. Brace yourself, some are pretttyyyy radical (well, just one, and it’s not a cold shower so it’ll be ok).

1. Our attention / be present muscle is pretty weak: we are all familiar with the consequences of technology and so I’ll skip right to my practice. When I want to unwind and settle into the present, I put my phone under my sweaters in my closet. It takes practice, it feels uncomfortable at first and sometimes still. It also helps to remove the temptation to soothe my boredom and urgency with a non-effective, more restless making solution. Of course, meditation also really helps with this one.
2. Our state is constantly activated - we are in Gear #2 and #3 so often these days that moving into gear #1 takes time.?The way we tuck children into rest with a bath, book and bed, so to we need to help our bodies know we are not in the same state. If you have an time set aside to not work, ask yourself: what is my bath, book, bed routine here? (As in, how can I settle my body into a new energy so I can be present?)

• It could literally be those things, have a warm bath or shower, grab a book to read and let yourself be where you are (slippers welcome)
• Closing your laptop and then closing your eyes, affirming inside that your workday is done and that it’s time to shift and asking: what would feel nourishing?
• Walking no podcast, no music, just listening and taking in your surroundings
• A phone call to a loved one (maybe Facetime, experiment with and without the screen)
• Trust yourself to explore what you need

3.

There is a pressure to make every moment the best ever, that we Strivers love to live into with the fullest of hearts. I don’t just drink coffee. I drink extra hot, unsweetened, oat milk lattes, out of my favourite ceramic mug that’s weighted just so. The beans are from a local roastery and we keep them stored in a beautiful, airtight container. You get it. The incredible ways in which we are all taught to maximize even the smallest of comforts, makes the smallest of discomforts feel like mortal failure.?

So next time you want to practice enjoying the time you aren’t working, give yourself permission to practice: being present, shifting your state, and feeling discomfort (knowing it’s ok).?

Learn More

• Oliver Burkeman 's book (Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mere Mortals)?is full of charm and clarity around time, and is one I keep coming back to as I navigate my relationship with work and rest
• I really liked Johann Hari’s book Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention, especially the beginning chapters where he describes his experiment to disconnect from technology and the results (though we part ways meaningfully significantly in his discussion later in the book on ADHD).
• Tracee Stanley 's book Radiant Rest: Yoga Nidra for Deep Relaxation and Awakened Clarity?is an excellent candidate to consider for your bath, book, bed routine when you actually want to shift into sleep

• Experiment to find something that can become a regular practice, that lets your body know it’s shifting away from you (your book, bath, bed - but for play, not sleep!)
• Notice when you are putting pressure on yourself for the perfect moment (coffee, walk, show selection, etc.) and be curious about what else could be possible
• Be curious about your discomfort: where do you feel it, how quickly or slowly does it pass, does it change over time?
• Consider meditating, one minute to however long feels right for you in the moment!

Here’s what we are engaging with, considering and learning from these days. What are you into - we love a good recco!

This interview with Andrew Huberman is somehow both charming and informative, a really long ride that’ll result in you being very interested in strengthening your Tibialis.

Lifting Heavy Things: Healing Trauma One Rep at a Time by Laura Khoudari - humble, informative and practical.

If you're looking for a deep dive into sleep - habits, optimization and education then this primer from Matthew Walker, PhD is really helpful.

Episode 302 of Therapy for Black Girls: The Truth about Imposter Syndrome & Perfectionism with Joy Harden Bradford, Ph.D. and Lisa Orbé-Austin, PhD

The Illinois Supreme Court Commission on Professionalism 's Annual Conference | Virtual | April 20, 2023 | LINK

NALP 's 2023 Annual Education Conference | Vancouver, BC | April 25-28, 2023?| LINK

Association for Talent Development (ATD) 2023 Conference | San Diego, CA | May 21-24, 2023?| LINK