Create a Workplace of Love and Acceptance

My friend Sally Helgesen has spent the last 35 years helping companies around the world build more inclusive cultures. Inclusion is a term we hear a lot, and it can be somewhat mysterious, but Sally told me it has a very clear definition. “inclusive cultures are those in which the largest possible percentage of people feel ownership in the organization, viewing it as we not they.”

This definition makes inclusion easy to measure. “If you hear someone talking about their company or their leaders as ‘they,’ you can bet that it’s not inclusive. If they use the language of ‘we,’ you can be sure that it is.”

How are such “we” cultures created? Sally’s latest book, Rising Together: How We Can Bridge Divides and Create a More Inclusive Workplace , focuses on the role behaviors play. Not policies, training programs, or well-crafted mission statements that reflect objective and aspirations, but everyday behaviors. Simple things like how we show up, when we’re listening, who we invite to meetings, who we recommend for promotions, when we share the spotlight, how we use humor, who we introduce to whom.

Cultures that encourage and reward inclusive behaviors allow gratitude to flourish, adds Sally, because people feel grateful when they are seen and heard. They are grateful when they feel valued for their potential and their contributions, and know their worth isn't tied strictly to their work.

In addition to describing the behaviors most likely to make people feel included and grateful, Sally examines common triggers that sabotage inclusiveness at work, particularly differences in gender, ethnicity, and age.?Triggers are external so we can't control or prevent them. But we can address them in a way that serves our interests and gives us a positive way to engage with those who trigger us.

One technique Sally advocates is giving others the benefit of the doubt, even when we don’t necessarily feel they’ve earned it. For example, if we feel disrespected or ignored in a meeting, we may be tempted to respond either by venting to a colleague or confronting the person we believe overlooked us. Venting to a friend may make us feel better but is usually unproductive, and confrontation will often backfire and create an enemy.

Assuming positive intent can give us a path to a better outcome. Sally says, “For example, we might decide that the person who spoke over us simply did not hear what we said. This allows us to say to that person, “you may not have heard me, but I was sharing the same idea. Can we talk about it and move forward?”

This kind of generosity– even when we don't necessarily believe our?own inner talk–has its advantages.?It takes us out of our own head and helps us shake the hard feelings, even when justified. It makes a way for the person who triggered us become an ally. It improves the mood in the room and raises peoples spirits.

Sally notes that generous, positive stories are a form of grace–– that is, they are freely given. And because no one earns grace, grace inspires gratitude, in those who give, and in those who receive. She says, “When we offer that grace, we increase the odds that we’ll feel more a part of, and that the person we might have seen as an adversary will feel that way as well.

We’re on the same team, we have a common objective. By extending grace, we not only inspire gratitude, we increase our own sense of belonging, of being part of a larger we.

What are the ways you make an effort to assume positive intent and offer grace to those you feel don't deserve it? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this very interesting topic.

With love and gratitude,

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ANXIETY AT WORK PODCAST

Each week, my co-author and dear friend,?Adrian Gostick , and I get to talk to leading authorities on mental health and explore the causes of workplace stress and anxiety, along with practices that are proven to reduce tension and cultivate calm.?

Our guest this week is Morra Aarons-Mele , a podcast host, writer, entrepreneur, and communications executive. Morra hosts The Anxious Achiever podcast and is the author of The Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears into Your Leadership Superpower , to be released by Harvard Business Review Press in April 2023.

Learn more about "The Good Life" by Dr Bob Waldinger, Zen Priest, in this month's #topofthestack bookclub. A short 10 min I hope you'll enjoy.

Visit?The Culture Works ?for free resources including

• videos,
• podcast episodes,
• and more

to help you build an "all in" #culture of #gratitude

Leading with Gratitude ?&?Anxiety at Work ?are available wherever you like to get your books.?

And if you are still here with me, today, Feb 17 is Random Acts of Kindness Day. Have some fun with it! Pay for a strangers coffee or doughnut. Make a donation to your favorite charity, just because. Let someone go ahead of you. There are a million ways to be kind, find one today. Or two! I am grateful for you. Are you in?