Create Inclusivity by Holding Space

We’re continuing our celebration of June and its important markers for diversity and belonging with a piece about creating inclusive spaces at work through holding space.

If you have never heard the term, then ‘Holding Space’ might puzzle you. Let’s start by simply looking at the phrase.

At the fundamental level, ‘holding space’ generally means being dedicated to being present for someone else. You are simply there to accept what might come without judgment, reservations, thoughts, and possible baggage. At its core, this requires the one holding space to join in with compassion and empathy. Accepting the truth felt by another without reservation and putting one’s ego and opinion aside is a crucial skill. Holding space means giving another room to just be as they are in that moment, be afraid, sad, angry, for any reason they can point to.

What would this look like when executed? Think of how you would comfort a child who is learning to ride a bike, overestimated their skill, and then falls. Even though you told them that the steep hill was too difficult still, they attempted to ride it, and now the tears are flowing. Telling the child all the reasons why they fell, what they should do to prevent it from happening, or how this is their fault for not listening might be tempting as the first reaction to some. However, it will not help true growth. First, the child needs to overcome their crisis – they are hurt, and their ego is bruised. Letting them come to you to cry and tell you they hurt themselves while receiving comfort will often be enough for the little one to then understand what went wrong once they calmed down.

When seen like this, holding space starts to make sense in a work setting: It allows someone who is emotionally blocked to free themselves up and move forward.

Of course, problems we face as adults might never appear quite this simple, especially concerning matters arising from our private lives, world news, or interpersonal conflicts. And even the most professional of us might sometimes struggle to leave these private matters at home before heading to work. This isn’t only for productivity reasons; it also raises the level of trust between team members and will help the overall emotional stability of both parties involved in such talks.

Even if you feel very new to the concept, you might have already started going through many of these steps subconsciously. There are surprisingly simple steps anyone can take to help teammates reach such a state of comfort.

1.??????Create safety by sharing how you feel yourself

Telling other people how we feel can be daunting. ‘How I feel isn’t normal’ and ‘How I react isn’t normal’ can be thoughts that prevent the needed openness. However, the human condition is a shared experience. We all have days where we feel off: grumpy, scared, stressed. Let yourself be vulnerable with how you feel by expressing your thoughts and feelings to others. This, in turn, creates comfort for them to also open up to you. Of course, you do not have to share every personal detail under the sun with everyone. However, shared woes such as family troubles, raising children, pet ownership, the commute to the office, and so many more basic topics can be added to everyday conversations with others that allow glimpses into your life. It also allows others to feel like sharing matters from outside the office is okay and won’t cause you or them any discomfort.

2.??????Take time to listen to others

Once the space you created is open and feels safe, make sure you set aside time to listen to others. This can be grabbing a coffee off-site, it can be heading into a small meeting room just to chat, or it can be a space you specifically create during one-on-one meetings in your office. Some teams do lunch walks, where a stroll and a chat around the office provide this space. Remember that emotionally difficult conversations with tight time restraints such as “I’d love to catch up, but I have a meeting in five minutes…” are counter-productive here, as they will only raise the stress levels of all involved. You could be pressed for time when a colleague approaches you with the need for a safe space to talk. Let them know that right then might not work for you; however, a dedicated time by taking a small meeting blocked out in your schedule can be arranged. “Book me for a meeting; let’s chat then!” will further the understanding that you are willing to provide help and that you want the time to be reserved for them alone.

3.??????Learn ‘Deep Listening’

Last week we already spoke of the difference between Listening and Hearing. ‘Deep Listening’ focuses your attention on what the other party is saying and how they express themselves. Remember that your colleague might hesitate to open up about their stressors. Being vulnerable does not come easily to most of us. You can start opening conversations with general work matters. “How is your project coming along?”, “What’s it like working with the new team?”, or “Have you had thoughts on your recent work?”, function both as good ice breakers in an office conversation but also help you to create a space that’s comfortable and easy to navigate. If you have managed to create an environment where conversation can flow naturally, you might quickly get into interpersonal concerns. The new team doesn’t include your teammate, so that they might express frustration. ?The new project keeps stalling because the manager is forgetful when assigning new tasks. Recent work suffered because of a family emergency. If something is on their minds, it will come to the surface quickly, without needing to prod relentlessly.

4. Don’t be the Fixer

Remember in all of this that your role is mainly to listen. Now isn’t the time to try and fix problems, address staffing, or suggest focus shifts. Allow this time for your team member to unburden themselves but understand that you will be happy to provide support if requested. Also, practice being a safe place by not getting involved unless it is requested. It might be that your team member was only stuck because their head was full of unvoiced concerns, but once unburdened and feeling heard, they can now focus on solving their issues. Even if you wish to be helpful, it can harm your relationship with coworkers if they feel you went around them to fix a problem they wanted to address. It is much more empowering when we are a calm presence in their storm of emotions.

Opening space for your coworkers, whether you are a manager or not, will help create a welcoming and inclusive work environment. It is not as active as other things you might be doing to work on DEIB in your organization and might feel like a small and insignificant step. After all, while opening spaces, your role is very passive. However, being there for a coworker who just had a family emergency, letting someone vent about the impact of recent news, or being a sounding board for work issues can help soothe a very stressed mind. It might also allow your team to move past the everyday roadblocks that life can throw at us more easily. At Hardsuit Labs, we’re lucky to have an inclusive culture that allows team members to thrive alongside other team members, leads, managers, and owners who embrace the concept of open doors, open ears, and open minds. We will continue to hold space for one another.

After all, it’s important to be there and allow others to get back on the bike themselves.