COVID19 and Grief: A True Account

The NASDAQ and the DOW JONES tickers have been replaced on our screens with the COVID19 Index - statistics, data, graphs, vocabulary - that human civilization will forever remember 2020 by; Not to mention the collective loss of "normalcy" and the irreversible scarring in our racial and biological memory that this microscopic alien invasion of sorts will leave behind.

 Some of us chase that number every morning and night - glued to analysis, projections, rate of rise in infection and mortality - COVID19 has a bull run by far. Wherever it did look bearish and our grips loosened, it firmly put us back in our place by searing its ugly head once again.

For some others amongst us, the chase is over. It doesn't matter. There's an abysmal silence. Their "chase" stopped at one and only one coordinate - Patient No. ABC123. A tag for the hospital, a nondescript blip on the COVID19 ticker for news-channels, a cell on the spreadsheet of an analyst - BUT a precious life, with a face, a name, fond memories full of love, laughter, sorrows and joys shared, a history, a meaningful relationship - GONE FOREVER. Period. For these individuals, the chase is over. It doesn't matter. The screens are best turned off, the voice of the news-anchors best on mute, newspapers best out of sight.

 How has COVID19 altered our experience of Grief? Our Rituals around it? Our ability to collectively share our Loss? Or coping mechanisms - especially with restricted ability to step outside and "BE" the interconnected, interdependent species that we are? Are we all going to experience and process this COVIDian Grief the same? Will those struck with this loss, how will they continue to experience this - especially, when even the Final Goodbye was over a video-screen (if they were lucky) and they had no role to play in the last rites of their loved one?

 I am no stranger to grief myself. I was barely 18 when I lost three very dear members of my family - all within a short period of 6 months. My response was, in hindsight, a confused teenager's reaction back then - Anger, Loss of Faith, even perhaps - Guilt (?) of not having spent enough time with those departed.

 I’ve never really stopped to analyze grief: How is it really FELT by different people? How is it really PROCESSED? While some of us burn in self inflicted rage, others find solace in creative expression. Then there are others who choose avoidance and complete denial lest their own emotions overwhelm them. While some others find ways to share it with whoever will care to listen. What is our unique "construct"? Does it change with life-stage? Does it get easier over time?

 The best way to know is to ASK. So, I did. I reached out to Paula Calderon, a friend and colleague, who recently experienced a tragic and unexpected loss. 

In openly sharing and discussing her grief - Paula and I discovered that we all have a strategy - conscious or subconscious - something that kicks in, automatically. It's our "GO-TO" Reaction. If we dig deep enough, it can sometimes be distilled down to a WORD. "Anger" for the grieving teen that I was! I told Paula, as we exchanged our own personal stories.

In an Exclusive Interview to The CoachPreneur Project, Paula shares her experience, her personal construct of a human being experiencing loss and also, as a Health and Wellness professional, trying to walk the talk on Self Compassion. She is based in Madrid, Spain - among the earliest and hardest hit places in the world. This interview is not about what we are "supposed" to do or how we "should" deal with grief. This is merely her narration of what happened, about her way and her experience.

Here is her story. Paula's word is: Acceptance.  

Whether you are going through grief right now or not, Paula and I both hope listening to this can help you in some way.

Thank you Paula for your willingness and courage to share and for your partnership in this dialogue.