It Doesn't Matter That the Pandemic Started 2 Years Ago: It’s Ok to STILL Not Feel Ok, Even at Work

We’re approaching the 2-year mark since the start of the pandemic. On the 'lucky' days, we get to hear wonderfully unhelpful phrases like, “This is life now. Just move on, do your job, and deal with it.”

A real gem of a statement, right? Nope.

This mindset is unrealistic and ignores the ongoing trauma that countless people continue to experience, such as:?

• Witnessing the alarming spread of Omicron (and possibly other variants)
• Catching COVID
• Handling the trauma and fear of going through contact tracing
• Helping sick loved ones or friends
• Processing Survivor’s Guilt
• Too many other traumatic experiences to name

Instead of “dealing with it,” it’s more helpful if we try to understand these feelings and be kinder to ourselves and others.

It’s ok to say that you’re still not ok, even at work. Remember, we’re all very different people since March 2020 — and that’s ok. Our world has changed, we have changed, and our brains don't even feel like they're functioning 'right' on most days. Not being happy, and honestly feeling frustrated and pissed off about that sometimes, is completely reasonable and reflects the evolving sentiment of so many people around the world.

Normalizing this sentiment in conversations needs to happen more often, because this reality will continue, and we don't know for how long. Whether we like it or not, we are still in the early days of all this: COVID, this reality, and all the crap feelings that go along with it.

The best way to address this? Meet it head-on and do it everywhere, in all aspects of our lives.

The aim? To understand where we are now and practice talking about how our new reality continues to affect our mental health.

The Reality of Our Situation

Let's do a quick realistic re-cap shall we?

It’s normal to still have intense emotional reactions to a continuously volatile world. Do you feel like you’re often having a really tough time “getting your s**t together?” Trust me, billions of people feel the same way you do.

The list of stressors that people are going through right now is longer than I could ever type, so here's are the three big ones that I've seen in the field:

• ‘Life’ + ‘pandemic’ = a constantly-fried you. Except...it doesn’t taste good.
• Some workplaces are still so toxic that talking about mental health at work is still as secure as walking a tight rope on a piece of yarn.
• Missing and mourning the life that was, which can really hurt

The three above conditions aren't exactly a recipe for feeling great. Whether we like it or not, this reality is happening — and all the struggles that come with it. It’s crucial that you normalize your feelings — not only outside the office - but at work too. And, that you encourage others to do this as well.

3 Starter Tips for Constructive Mental Health Conversations

Your coworkers and colleagues are experiencing similar stress and emotions, even if they don’t talk about it. Please give yourself a break and the permission to speak up. The world is really loud right now, so please try to create at least a few moments of quiet and space for these crucial discussions.?Try the 3 tips below to start and set a good foundation for your next mental health at work conversation:

Tip #1: Set Your Intentions - And Be Clear

Knowing who you want to talk to, why, and what you want them to do with the information is crucial. This is your why — and the whole reason for having the conversation in the first place. (I call this sharing with purpose.)

Before starting a conversation about your mental health, set your intentions. Try to have in mind the following:

• Who do you want to talk to?
• What do you want that person to know?
• What is your goal or outcome by talking to the other person?
• What tone and approach do you want to use?

Consider these examples. If you're sharing with:

• Your manager: is it to ask for a change in your workload?
• With a coworker: is it to clue them into your current struggles?
• With your team: is it to give them an update on your behavior?

Once you know these things, you can decide on your approach and tone of the conversation:

• Are you actually ok getting emotional?
• Do you want to keep things casual and informal?
• Do you want to relay the facts and keep things brief?

Getting clear about your intentions will help you feel more comfortable and prepared to have this discussion, or at least the first one.

Tip #2: Accept How You Feel, No More Negative-Emotion Shaming

We are all feeling all the feels these days. Don’t be afraid to show your feelings in front of the other person. It's literally what it is to be human and our emotions exist to signpost to ourselves and others how we are reacting to our environment, or if we need help. And, with this environment we're all in, we need all the help we can get.

Experiencing your emotions during a personal conversation is healthy. We’re meant to experience the full range of emotions — even the uncomfortable negative ones.

“It’s ok to be vulnerable… It’s ok to have emotions that don’t feel good and to experience them in front of others.”(1)

The goal is to normalize your feelings and encourage others to do this too. The time of negative-emotion shaming must end.

If you’re on the other side of the conversation, normalize that person’s emotions and reactions to what’s happening in the ecosystem of society around them. Remind them that how they and so many others have been feeling in the past 2 years (i.e. like looking up at a cracked concrete ceiling waiting for it to fall on you) is understandably really upsetting and needs to be talked about.

Tip #3: Plan The Logistics - They Matter

Choosing the right time and place to have a conversation about mental health is just as important as setting your intentions.

While our choices for chats these days are most likely via a variety of digital mediums, you still want to consider the medium that you choose to have these discussions on. The conversation should have the attention, time, & space it deserves without distractions. Will it be:

• On a video chat?
• Over the phone?
• Via text message?
• Safely socially distanced and if you're local to each other?

Pick the medium that you feel comfortable with. Being able to see the person’s face and hear their voice is ideal. This way you can read the other person’s body language as well. Due to the complexity of mental health conversations, “talking” via text message (or a similar outlet) is something I wouldn’t recommend. While text messaging or emailing lets you plan out what you’re going to say and I totally get that, you (and the other person) can’t hear each others’ tone of voice or see each others' body language, both of which are crucial elements of these types of conversations. If you want to use a written medium to ask to have the conversation that's one thing, but having the entire conversation via that medium is another.

Also, let the other person know you want to talk to them and find a time that’s best for you both. It could be:

• Your weekly one-on-one meeting with your manager.
• Some time after hours or outside of work.
• During your lunch hour.

You want this conversation to be successful overall — and logistics play a part in that too.

Yes, Talking Is GOOD for Your Mental Health

Of course, we're all continuing to struggle with our mental health. This is a ridiculously tough reality to adjust to. By having more frequent mental health at work conversations, we can slowly try to adjust better to this new reality and take the edge off of our stress, even if just a little bit.

Consistency is key here - and it'll be a slow burn. We must shift our mindset to:

• Accept that it’s still ok to not be ok
• Normalize our feelings and experiences - as extreme as they may feel
• Encourage others to do the same

The world will continue to change, and we will too. So, let's have the constructive conversations we need to support us through this.

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Need more help?

• Does your company need help to learn how to constructively talk about mental health at work? Reach out to me and let's look at how I can help.
• Want to get more conversation tips? Check out my new book.
• NOTE: A version of this article was originally posted to my blog: Real Talk. On the blog, I offer tips and tools for you to have successful conversations about mental health with your coworkers, employees, leaders, and staff. Take a peek to learn more.

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Sources:

1. Doman, Melissa. Yes, You Can Talk about Mental Health at Work: Here's Why ... and How to Do It Really Well. Welbeck Publishing Group, 2021.