Covert Coalitions - How we use secrets to form powerful social structures

Covert Coalitions - How we use secrets to form powerful social structures

By Khalid Fadzillah

Michael Slepian, a professor of leadership and ethics at Columbia University, is the author of a fascinating book titled 'The Secret Life of Secrets'.

He pulls from a decade's worth of research around the concept of secrets and the dynamics that they enable, for better or worse.

Interestingly, he uncovers trends that point to the fact that secrets aren't inherently bad. In fact, the burden of secrecy does not stem from the work it takes to keep secrets hidden. Rather, the weight of secrets comes from carrying them alone without the support of others.

Furthermore, secrets can become powerful elements for stronger social ties when they are shared by pivotal confidants.

In this regard, we can imagine secrets as a form of stored energy. In isolation, they can lead to insidious consequences for the mind and body. However, when used efficiently to build bridges with a carefully curated group of people, they can lead to greater opportunities.

Roger Sterling in the hit show Mad Men, speaks about his method of winning accounts in the advertising business during one of the many masterful scenes of the series. He described sharing a secret problem with the prospect which leads to them conspiring over a shared issue. This allows for the fostering of stronger rapport between accounts executives and clients. In other words, it's an effective way to create friendships.

Secrets help us form covert coalitions

For whatever reason, the modern age has led us to antagonise the idea of secrecy and glorify the idea of transparency. This is a reasonable justification to a certain extent, but beyond a point, there's an error in the way we view the dichotomy of sharing and 'unsharing' (especially in an age of 'oversharing'). It bypasses the possibility that secrets can lead to productivity and progress.

Human beings have always been social creatures and we've always revelled in the process of forming social dynamics between each other - in the spirit of identifying outliers and insiders, enemies and allies - to establish subjective realities and conviction in the way we understand the world around us.

In this context, secrets are insidious unless used as relationary tools to build social bridges. These Covert Coalitions then become powerful factors for influence and power. Secrets shared between spouses and friends, or Covert Coalitions formed with financial advisors and professional peers, offer opportunities for wellbeing, better understanding and stronger bonds.

It's worth noting that a Covert Coalition is only as effective as its careful curation of confidants. Choosing the wrong people to share precious secrets with can lead to a world of trouble. Bad actors can use secrets as social leverage against you, sometimes coaxing out vital information through a casual line of questioning (I call this type of betrayal rhetoric Social Slingblades) only to later use it against you.

Covert Coalitions are calculated coalitions between confidants who can help each other progress towards a specific social vertical. In this regard it might help to strategically categorise coalitionary allies based on degrees of influence and purposes. Choosing people who have specific skills, networks, or knowledge to form secret pacts with can be useful if done right.

In his book, Rules of Wealth, Richard Templar briefly covers paying attention to who you share your financial status with. In fact, he states that we should only ever seek financial advice from those whom we can sue (referring to financial advisers) or carefully chosen mentors, and that it may be best to not seek advice from close friends or family members.

There may be exceptions and caveats to Richard Templar's advice, but nevertheless it offers a clear depiction of how critical it is to choose who you share what with very carefully.

To this degree, secrets have also been a crucial part of tribalism in the form of sports teams, political affiliations, corporate hierarchies, specialised professions or special interest groups. In other words, secrets are an inevitable part of human nature, and to disregard the entire facet of secrecy would mean disregarding an entire portion of our human psyche - one that prevails to this day in the aspect of communication.

Pit traps and perks of jargon

Alan Alda, prolific actor and founder of the Alan Alda Centre of Communication Science, spoke about the advent of jargon which can be described as the utilising of language to form secret communication systems.

These language systems are initially used for functional application, but jargon also leads to social pride structures in relation to tribalism. This can cause problems.

Jargon can be found in the film industry, the medical space, and the finance or legal verticals. These professionals use words that sound alien to the layman, but they serve as a process of increasing efficiency in professional settings.

Beyond that, jargon might feed into the prevalent pride that comes with being a part of a community. Tribalism can leave us feeling too proud and smug about being part of an inner circle which others are not a part of. In other instances, we become lost in the worlds of our own jargon. This can lead to ineffective communication, for instance, when doctors speak in jargon to patients.

Alternatively, we may resort to jargon when put in an intimidating social scenario. I call this the Pufferfish Effect, when we use big words to try and sound more formidable in scary situations.

Ultimately, we must see the good and bad in all things, even in concepts that are as vilified as secrets. While secrets can be used to create conspiracies that threaten the integrity of systems and structures, they can also be used to develop strong social influence, especially from a communication standpoint.