Courting Calm: Stress Management for Family Lawyers

As family lawyers, getting on the hamster wheel of working long hours without much of a break feels effortless despite the effort staying on it requires. It goes without saying that practicing family law is demanding, especially when you recognize that your clients’ futures (and their children’s) are hanging in the balance. The stress of it all inevitably takes its mental and physical toll. How do you know? You feel it in every fiber of your being. But you rationalize that it’s all for a good cause. Then you sigh. After all, what could you really do about it anyway??

The short answer? A lot, actually. Though trying to make time for your health might feel pointless, doing so can be life-changing, both professionally and personally. For starters, a healthier lawyer is a more productive lawyer, meaning that prioritizing your physical and mental health is, in some ways, in service of your work. But more than that, a healthier lawyer is a happier lawyer, which is a state of mind that can trickle into every other aspect of your life, especially your family life. Sound like a good reason to get healthy?

It sure did to me about a decade ago when I was working around the clock. I was working for someone else at their law firm and taking on countless cases as a guardian ad litem. I rarely slept. I worked weekends. Oh, did I forget the part that I was divorced, raising four kids, and had a new husband whom I wanted to spend time with? To say those were difficult days would be an understatement.?

That’s when I decided to take my life into my own hands. I started a family law practice that was fully remote and offered “lifestyle” so that I and the people who worked there could have the freedom and flexibility to integrate work and family life more fully, a concept now termed work-life integration. Except, I like to say life-work integration to drive the point home that life is the emphasis. More than 10 years out, I have a few ideas for how you can better protect your physical and mental health while continuing to work a demanding job in family law.

Break up the workday.

Breaking up the workday is a twofold process. It means taking both physical and mental breaks. For some people, this might be the same break. Maybe you go on a 30-minute walk before or after lunch, which gets you moving and helps boost your mood. Or maybe you take a few laps around the office every hour and then take some time to meditate at your desk or elsewhere later in the day.?

Regardless, the choice is yours; the “best” way to break up your workday is a construct that does not exist — it’s merely what works for you and your day. However, making “a choice” is what’s necessary to protect and preserve your physical and mental health.

Indeed, working long hours often means sitting for long hours. Remaining sedentary for most of the day is harmful to your body and — according to some studies — can have deadly consequences in the long run. Thankfully, if you take breaks to get moving throughout the workday, you can rectify some of these effects. Taking a break to stand or do a lap around the office every 30 minutes can be an effective way to deal with the consequences of sitting for too long.

In addition to your body, your brain needs breaks throughout the day. If you feel tired or hungry or find it hard to concentrate, consider that this is your body telling you to take a break. So grab a few minutes to do a mental reset via meditation, eat a healthy snack, or do something creative (perhaps just a few minutes of doodling). Pro tip: You can knock out a mind and body break simply by going outside for a walk or hopping on the treadmill midway through the workday. Your work and body will thank you.

Optimize your workspace.

Though this strategy will look different for every person and family law firm, taking steps to improve your workspace for your mind and body can make a big difference in your overall health and well-being and that of your colleagues. If you have a home office or your firm is open to changes, here are some ideas that can counter some of the most common workplace physical and mental health challenges.

For example, if you feel physically achy or sore when you leave the office, it might be because your workstation or desk is poorly designed. One of the easiest ways to fix this situation is by asking your employer to or investing yourself in comfortable and ergonomic chairs and desks, which can reduce pain and other adverse effects that come from remaining seated for most of the day. You could similarly consider getting a standing or adjustable desk if you enjoy standing while working.

If you feel mentally drained in the office, consider combating this effect by maximizing natural light. Natural light is a massive boon to your physical and mental well-being. If your workspace does not properly utilize natural light, you are likely missing out on various health benefits, such as better sleep, increased energy, and reduced stress. If you lack natural light, you can still replicate some by placing mirrors around the office to work with what you have or implementing lighting fixtures that mimic natural lighting.

Additionally, plants in the office can also benefit your mental health and replace some benefits offered by natural lighting if need be. There are a number of psychological benefits to having plants in the office, from reducing feelings of anxiety to improving positivity. Plants, too, can improve the air quality in your workspace, which is an added physical bonus. Whether in your home office or at your desk, caring for a plant can be a great way to boost your mood and make your workspace just that much healthier, not to mention prettier.

Engage in pleasant conversation.

One of the most important factors in your mental health is socialization. Depending on your typical day, you may not get to socialize casually with colleagues or with friends and family as much as you would like. If that is the case, try to make time for casual socialization, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Socializing in the workplace can reduce stress and increase happiness, so be sure to take a few minutes every day to talk to the people you work with about topics other than work.

Talking to someone also means being present in your conversations. This translates to putting down your phone, closing your laptop, and ignoring work for a few minutes while you reap the benefits of genuine face-to-face interaction. If you can’t interact in person, Zoom can be a runner-up. In any event, try to be present at work and home when you talk with people.

Talking to a therapist can also be a strategic way to protect your mental health — during good times and more difficult ones. If work is going well, great; a mental health professional can help you maintain the status quo. Working through your thoughts and feelings with a mental health professional regularly can help keep you on a path to success.?

You can also take comfort that your support system will be in place when work gets stressful. If your employer has mental health programs to help defray costs, use them. If they do not, suggest implementing a program for you and your colleagues.?

Make time for yourself.

When your job is as demanding as it typically is in family law, taking time for yourself can feel impossible. However, it’s critical that you do so if you are intent on protecting your body and mind. As stated earlier, taking care of your mental and physical well-being can come from the same activity, such as exercise. Scheduling even a 10 to 15-minute walk during lunch every day can help you deal with the stressors of working. Yoga is another popular activity, particularly if you don’t get to do much stretching.

Consider taking time each day for a mindful activity, such as meditation or a hobby, for your mental health. Doing so can help prevent burnout. Set aside time daily to focus on a hobby you are passionate about or just want to explore. This can be simple or more complicated. Maybe you want to run a marathon. Or perhaps you want to learn a foreign language or play an instrument. These activities require more commitment but give you an outlet beyond work to focus on each day or a few times each week. Try crocheting, puzzles, or reading (non-work materials) for a more lowkey pastime. Whatever it is, do something that gets you out of your head and out of the office.

For some, setting aside personal time means visiting with friends and family. Especially if your partner works a demanding job, too, taking time to be with each other truly can be a massive boon for your overall health. Looking for ideas? Set up a “walking date” with a friend or loved one, or meet up with them for a recurring coffee date or dinner.?

However you choose to decompress, be sure the time you set aside time for yourself is unrelated to work. Should you need to delineate your objectives clearly, don’t be afraid to block your calendar and mark yourself as out-of-office or turn off your phone. Remember that you deserve downtime, even with a demanding job.

Final thoughts …

Though work is important, it should never take precedence over your health, mental or physical. By implementing some of the above tips, you can affirmatively set your work, body, and mind up for the future. All the while enjoying the present.

If you're interested in learning more about Elise Buie Family Law Group and the possibility of joining our team, please check out our current job openings.

Elise Buie, Esq. is a Seattle-based family and divorce lawyer and founder of the Elise Buie Family Law Group. A champion for maintaining civility throughout the divorce process, Elise advocates for her clients and the best interests of their children, helping them move forward with dignity and from a position of strength.