Courageous leadership: moving beyond authenticity

"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."

This is one of the top five regrets of the dying.

Is it surprising?

Probably not.

Most of our lives, we are conditioned to live inside a shrinking box of amassing expectations.

At work, more than ever, we are measured and incentivised to fit a mould.

In healthy organisations, enough flexibility is given for us to bring some of our authentic selves to our work.

But for the most part, people wear masks to get through their day.

Leaders can amass many masks to suit the needs of their teams, peers, stakeholders, senior managers, shareholders; and the list goes on...

But I'm sure you know from yourself that wearing a mask is exhausting.

It costs us our authenticity, our ability to speak from our minds and hearts with ease and true enjoyment.

But the interesting thing about the top regrets of the dying.. is that it's not the authenticity that's the gap in living a full life... it's the courage to take accumulated actions in alignment with our truest selves, rather than bending to the expectations of others.

This goes beyond authenticity, stepping into the realms of courageous living and re-examining who we truly want to be in the face of internal and external pressures.

So what's stopping us from living our fullest possible selves, now and into the future?

What is clipping our wings? Slashing our sails before we have a chance to set off to sea, let alone soar?

The reality is, conformity to the status quo is our biggest poison. It offers potent doses of false comfort, leaving us to assimilate into apathy by giving us what we crave most: a sense of belonging.

This means we would rather be part of the group of yay-sayers and not rock the boat, rather than take that brave step that would shake up the status quo for the better... but potentially tip us out of the boat.

By taking our masks off, we are risking rejection of our true selves and... worse case scenario, removal from the group.

So what does moving beyond authenticity into courageous leadership look like?

• Understanding what masks you are wearing and why. What are they trying to compensate for? What are they protecting you from? What is the true cost of this mask?
• Understand who the real person is behind the mask. What does the real 'you' look like, sound like, feel like? What's fighting to break free? Who are you now, and who do you want to be, a day, a month, a year, ten years from now?
• Name each mask and the story it tells. This is all about accepting the story of the mask without identifying with it. It's about saying, this mask came about for a reason, potentially to protect myself, and I can start to choose when I wear it, rather than letting it wear me all the time. So, how many masks do you carry? What would they look like if you drew them? What colours, patterns, and materials make up these masks? How heavy are they?
• Practice putting the mask down. This might take a lot of trial and error. You might try it out with people you trust most first. What happens when the true self is allowed to rise to the surface? What do you gain, what do you lose? What's the risk, and what's the reward? How does it feel when you put the mask down? Is it a weight off your shoulders? Do you smile more? Speak more? Stand a little taller?
• Learn the value of the mask. When does the mask actually serve you? How do you know when it's the right situation to put it on? After all, not everyone deserves our full self. The great thing is, the more you practice, the more you'll understand the power of the real self vs the power of the mask, and get to choose when to show one or the other.
• Move beyond the you of 'now' and live in alignment with the fullest possible version of you in the future. This is where we veer into courageous leadership. Authenticity might be enough for the 'now', but courageous leadership is taking action for who you could truly be if you were brave enough to stand up against the status quo or your internal fears.

The journey to un-masking is one step closer to putting courage into practice.

Unmasking is lifelong journey, but a perpetually rewarding one. We get to truly live life the way we intend it, rather than allowing the expectations of others (and our own fears) to fill us with dying regrets.

So, when you think about your goals for the new year, I'd invite you to take into consideration how you can move from authenticity to courageous living.

For me, the mask of the imposter needs a bit of work, especially as I grow my new business over the coming year. It will take a lot of unlearning and relearning, but the courage to act from my true self rather than letting the mask speak for me... is the biggest gift I can give myself :)

I hope you all have a very rejuvenating and rewarding end of year.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and may 2024 be very kind to you.

Leadership Coach | Founder of innergalaxy.com.au

PS: Would you like to turn difficult conversations into courageous ones? Use the course launch promo to get 40% off "Courageous Conversations" - a self-paced leadership course that will help you or your teams tackle difficult conversations with greater courage and compassion. Promo ends 31 January so don't miss out :)