Courageous Leaders and Mental Health

We'd like to believe we're in a world where workplaces finally embrace mental health. And don't get me wrong, we have certainly made progress: it's a big deal that healthcare benefits usually include mental health support, and yes - for many companies it took a pandemic and burnout to make it happen - but there are now many mental health / resiliency trainings and initiatives being woven into the culture of companies. We need to celebrate that progress. But people are still alone, scared, and hurting - so we can't stop there.

You see, in all of the workplace mental health resources and programs, it's rare to see something that addresses A) how to talk about struggling with mental health, and B) the inherent shame about it that has been unconsciously woven into each of us. I'll give some personal context: I've been in various forms of therapy and healing since my post-college days; at the time of this article's publish date, that's almost 18 years worth for me. I talk openly to others about being in therapy, I actively read and learn about mental health topics, and I intellectually believe that there's nothing wrong being someone who struggles with mental health. BUT it's hard, even for me, to actually say when I'm not doing okay, when I need a mental health day, or when I might need help from others - even when I've been on teams who are very supportive of mental health. Upon exploration, internalized shame plays a huge role in that... and if that's my experience - as someone who has a lot of tools, knowledge, and support - I can only imagine how often and how much shame might get in the way for others. Especially if you're on a team that only puts KPIs and project updates on the team meeting agendas. And if you're lucky enough to be on one of those rare teams where the leader does regularly ask how you're doing and really wants to know about all of you, that still doesn't mean anyone is modeling the hard part of things: talking about not being okay and the actions of supporting others when they're not okay. As we know from Dr. Brené Brown's Dare to Lead: there is no courage without vulnerability. What greater arena for vulnerability and courage, than for us all to consider how we might put more skin in the game when in comes to workplaces and mental health? Here are three actions to consider taking:

• Show others what "It's okay to not be okay" looks like, especially if you're in a position of power. When it comes to workplace culture and mental health, this is one of biggest blockades: so many of our workplaces still - even after all the DEI initiatives teaching otherwise - have a culture where leaders are supposed to model perfection. Until we hopefully one day disband the toxic effects of hierarchy, any lasting change needs to be modeled by leadership, by people with organizational power and privilege. We need leaders who say things like, "Team, before we get started today - I want to share that I'm having a tough mental health day. I feel good about working today, but if I seem off today - I wanted you to know why, and to know it's got nothing to do with any of you." OR "Hey team, I wanted to talk about mental health today. Some of you know that it's something I'm working on - and I want you to know your mental health matters to me, too. Not only do I support you in using sick days for mental health needs, but I also support you taking them proactively if that is a fit for you. For me, I find I struggle less if I am proactive about it - so you'll see me do it once a quarter at minimum, and then other times as needed." And the list goes on. In fact, a leader could even help the team come up with I-need-a-mental-health-day language they can all save for later to take the effort out of crafting it real-time when struggling. I'd love to hear other ideas in the comments.
• Personalize how you show support to others. Let's revisit the shame that comes up for many of us that stops us from sharing that we are struggling; MUCH of it centers around how we worry others may react when we share that we're struggling. We might worry about judgement or negative career implications, certainly, but sometimes it's that we worry we don't have the energy to handle the awkwardness of people not knowing how to respond to us being in struggle. In a world that largely hasn't taught adults emotional self-awareness, most of us have experienced a time that we bravely shared something hard with others - and those others just couldn't handle it. Maybe they tapped out or shut down, maybe they changed the subject, or maybe they tried to be supportive in ways that were not the support we needed: things like hugs when we didn't want to be touched, advice when we just wanted someone to listen, alienation when we didn't want to feel alone. What we're talking about here is the need to learn and practice empathy - specifically, empathy that is individual-centered. This could be a whole course in itself (and working with a Certified Dare to Lead? Facilitator is one way to do that); but the gist of it is - don't center yourself when someone is vulnerable with you. Don't make them have to step into the role of making you feel better about what they've shared, when they're the one struggling. Don't assume what would feel supportive to you is what would feel supportive to them. Simply breathe, listen, maybe ask a clarifying question or two, and then ask them what support looks like. If they're not able to articulate, try offering things before acting. Some examples: "Thank you for telling me that. Would it help to share more, or, would it help to have some alone time?" or "How can I help? Is there any work-related stress I can remove for you?" or "Thank you for sharing that with us as a team. Let's all take a few minutes to personally reflect on how we're each doing and what we need right now - I know I need that. If anyone needs to excuse themselves for longer than a few minutes, please do - I'll be here for you later, too." Like before, the list goes on - and feel free to add your own examples in the comments related to true empathy being personalized for the person receiving it and mental heath focused.
• Learn about trauma. This is a big one, primarily because trauma can be a heavy word. The reality is, though, most of us have experienced traumas - and part of what makes it a heavy word is that we don't talk enough about it. Having recently been part of a trauma-informed workplace program and having recently read a powerful book by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah: What Happened to You? (especially the chapter "Our Brains, Our Biases, Our Systems") - I feel like I've seen the matrix. Trauma is everywhere, it's the explanation for almost everything, and once you understand it - you can actually help others, change your workplace, and unlock more power of DEI-related change. Not ready for a book on trauma right now? Maybe this 16 minute TEDTalk by Dr Nadine Burke Harris is a better fit for you. And there are many great podcast episodes about trauma, too. If you've found something that blew your mind about trauma, like me, please share it in the comments. We can help each other the more we normalize and learn about trauma.

Before closing - it's my responsibility to share some disclaimers regarding all of the above: this is NOT an all-hands-on-deck call to action. For those who already experience discrimination or bias of any kind, you may not feel safe to lead the way on this at your workplace OR you may not have the bandwidth to do so. Choosing to not step further into the arena on this for any of those reasons is you taking care of your own mental health first and is courageous. Same goes for anyone experiencing crisis right now due to mental health. If all you can do today is just exist, THAT is courage. You matter, and you deserve to be your own priority.

If today, though, you have a little more to give - if you want some of your energy (or your power or privilege) to go towards shaping the mental health culture around you at work, maybe try something from this article. Or try something from the comments - because I am certain more great things will get added there. My guess is that if you clicked on this article and read this far, you're likely a mental health champion yourself. Thank you for existing, thank you for all you've done, and thank you for what you'll do that's to come.