Courage is Just Trusting You Can FIGURE THINGS OUT

A podcaster recently asked me, "Where did you get your confidence?"

I told him, "On the back of a horse."

He gave me a puzzled Scooby Doo look, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I grew up in a small town, more horses than people. In fact, my parents gave my sister and me our own horses when we were eight and nine years old. We would be gone all day, and they didn't even know where we were, (this was before cell phones), but they didn't worry, so neither did we. They assumed that if something went wrong, we’d figure it out. Our horse's bridle broke? Figure it out. Get bucked off? Figure it out.

As I result, I grew up with the confidence that no matter what happened, I'd be able to handle it. Thanks to them, I love trying new things. I don't see it as scary, I see it as fun.

How about you? When you grew up, did you have parents who cautioned you about the dangers or who encouraged you to be adventures and trusted your resourcefulness?

I'll always remember sailing the Chesapeake Bay with Captain Jen on Mother's Day on her classic schooner, the Woodwind. If you’re into boats, this was the beauty featured in the movie Wedding Crashers. She welcomed us aboard with "It's a great day to be on the bay."

Indeed it was. A few minutes after motoring out of Annapolis Harbor, she called out the favorite words of any sailor, “Power off, sails up.” The wind filled the sails, the boat lifted, heeled and dug in, all at the same time. It was exhilarating.

Captain Jen saw the huge smile on my face and asked, “Want to take the helm?”

Would I?! I stood up, placed my hands at 10 and 2 and begin the delicate dance of pointing the boat toward a buoy halfway to the horizon while keeping the sails right and tight.

If you’ve sailed before, you know there are times when all the elements come together and everything is right with your world. This was that day.

I asked Jen about what it was like starting her own charter business. "What surprised you the most?"

She said, “That people think I'm courageous. People think running my own sailing operation is brave, but I love it. I think it’s how I was brought up. My parents were both music teachers and we spent summers on our sailboat. When we came into ports, they'd give me some money and send me off in a little dinghy to ‘get some ice cream.' It wasn’t until later I realized that was more about them getting privacy than it was about me getting ice cream.

The thing was, when they sent me off in that dinghy, they didn't warn me about all the things that could go wrong. They seemed to trust I could deal with whatever came up, so I did. Their confidence in me gave me confidence in myself."

I told her, “The same thing happened with my sister and me, except with horses. You're right, instead of worrying something might go wrong, we understand something probably will go wrong, and when it does, we'll figure it out.”

How about you? Were you brought up to be wary, to see the world as scary? Were you warned about all the things that could go wrong? Do you see the world as dangerous??

Or were you encouraged you to seek adventure and be resourceful so you developed confidence because you had plenty of opportunities to DO THE NEW?

The good news is, we're adults now. We get to choose how we show up.

It's time to understand that worrying doesn't keep us safe, it keeps us small.

Worrying doesn't prevent things from going wrong; it prevents things from going right.

What kind of life do you want?

If you want a bigger life, it's time to be bold on your own behalf. It's time to figure out that you don't have to be courageous; you just have to trust that you can figure things out.

We've got twelve days left in this year. Still time to do something we've been thinking about doing, but doubts have held us back.

Still time to reach out to that person you want to spend more time with. Still time to sign up for a class you want to take. Still time to get in the car and go somewhere this weekend.

What's it going to be?

I promise, you'll never regret being bolder on your own behalf. You'll only regret focusing on your fears, worrying what could go wrong, and taking yourself out of the game of life.

- - -

Sam Horn is the CEO of the Intrigue Agency. Her 3 TEDx talks and 9 books have been featured in NY Times, on NPR and presented to Intel, Capital One, Nationwide, YPO. This is from SOMEDAY is Not a Day in the Week which is how to make the rest of your life the best of your life. IT received this endorsement from Oprah producer Sheri Salata, "Sam is one of the bright lights and most accessible wisdom sharers in our culture today."