IN COURAGE, on the toilet?

The best coaching I ever got was when I was actually sitting on the toilet.

It was probably the third or fourth time on the loo, and I was trying to gather myself.

It was the biggest game of my life, and I was only 18, playing for the best rugby league team in the world at the time. With all of the nerves I was feeling, and all of the desperation to win and be good enough I was abandoning authenticity, the well of performance. I was looking for what others ‘needed’ me to be. I was looking for certainty of what would allow me to be accepted within the Leeds Rhinos squad (ultimately, what would keep me safe). I didn’t want just to be good; I wanted to be “perfect”.

My ego clung on to a false sense of certainty by shrinking myself to mimic the examples of success I had around me or what had worked for me in the past.“Should I look to manage the game and pass more like Kevin Sinfield”? Surely, if I do that, I will be likely to succeed?

Just as I was about to abandon authenticity to take on what I ‘should’ be doing, I found myself sat on the toilet, 10 minutes before I go out there, staring at the floor, and the best message that I could have given mySELF from mySELF came to me, but from someone else through a scruffy handwritten note passed under the cubicle door.

It was from Brian McDermott, ex royal marine, ex boxer, rugby league player and now coach.

It read:

“Stevie, You always run to the line first. You get involved in the action, and everything happens from there. You’re a tough ****. You’ll go well today…”

The message in itself was everything because it invited all of who I was and the knowledge that I already had that it would take to deal with the uncertainty that lay ahead for me on the field.

As I’m sure Carol Dweck would state, it embodied the growth mindset. Running to the line is gathering data, it’s exploring and learning and it’s being open to change. It’s Tyson Fury dancing his way into the ring to fight the biggest fight of his life against Usyk. The note to self was a signal of connection from someone I cared about, which ultimately made me feel safe even without removing the threat, as Daniel Coyle would attest to.

As a leader, to encourage, you have to be INCOURAGE. Not telling someone what to be, but inviting someone to BE. To fully stare uncertainty in the face, feel it and allow it to unfold. To resist folding. To resist putting the armour on (usually a reliance on only the tactics and analysis). Imagine how my innate talent as a player would have been abandoned if I played to how people wanted me to be. The game plan is nothing without the invitation to ‘play’ it.

What are you inviting from your team?

Certainty and fear?

Or Creativity and courage?

It starts with inviting it from within yourSELF in every moment of your life; only then can you do it for your team. That note to self I received confirmed to me where performance comes from, and that’s where I would return throughout the rest of my career. But how hard is it to give ourselves that, let alone the others around us?

World Cup winner Jonny Wilkinson speaks to the exact same message here????

https://www.dhirubhai.net/posts/stevie-ward-61313093_the-best-coaching-i-ever-got-was-when-i-was-activity-7197952244443439104-u_5C?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop

I wonder where your brain clings on for certainty... how does it feel when you pursue that certainty?

How does it feel to say, I don't know?