Courage to Say "I Don't Understand": Letting Go of False Pride

Welcome to my monthly newsletter. This month I want to have an open discussion about a major problem that prevents many of my clients from advancing in their careers - the stigma within certain cultures against admitting lack of understanding, especially for non-native speakers.

Some people would rather swim through shark-infested waters than ask for help!

As a non-native speaker, you know first-hand how exhausting it can be to work in a second language all day long. It takes immense effort just to keep up and ensure you understand everything being said. On top of that, there is often tremendous cultural pressure to maintain "face" and appearances at all costs.

Asking for help or clarification can seem really uncomfortable and embarrassing in this context. As a result, many of my clients choose to avoid asking questions altogether, even when they desperately need help.

But here's the reality - revealing your lack of understanding is actually a sign of STRENGTH and COURAGE. By being honest about gaps in your knowledge, or lack of understanding. You create opportunities for your colleagues to explain concepts, teach you something new, and collaborate. Helping you helps them feel valued. Admitting uncertainty also enables greater empathy, compassion, and connection between team members. When you show your human side, it becomes easier for others to relate to you.

In addition to this, acknowledging a lack of understanding demonstrates that you are truly focused on understanding the topic at hand, rather than just maintaining an impression of competence and protecting your pride. Smiling and nodding and looking like you understand will not help you!

However, asking thoughtful questions shows genuine interest in learning. It signals humility, openness, and willingness to improve.

I fully recognize how hard it can be to overcome the deep-rooted fear of admitting uncertainty, especially given your cultural conditioning. But I would strongly encourage you to challenge yourself.

Start small if needed, but speak up when you need help. Consider it an act of courage, not incompetence.

Here are some tactical tips on how to ask colleagues and supervisors for assistance:

- Be very specific about exactly what you need help understanding and why. Vague requests won't provide useful clarification.

- Use concise phrases like:

1. "Could you please explain that concept again? I want to fully comprehend this."

2. "I'm still unclear on Part X - could you elaborate in more detail?"

3. "For full understanding, please clarify the meaning of X."

- Remember that helping each other is natural and caring in healthy work relationships. Don't feel bad for asking.

Try it out - Don't fear mistakes - they provide valuable learning. Making errors just means you're stretching beyond your comfort zone.

I challenge all of us, myself included, to become more comfortable with admitting a lack of understanding in order to promote growth and collaboration. My door is always open if you need help or have tips to share. Let's have an open dialogue.

we can overcome stigma and empower each other to new heights in our careers and lives. Are you with me?

If you enjoyed this post please share it, especially if you think that it would help someone else. If you would like a coffee chat then as I said my door is always open, you can catch me here on Linkedin DM me.

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