The courage to say no - and 9 other courageous acts that can help your growth

Don’t be deceived, having courage is no easy feat. Very hard. But Stagnancy is harder even if it doesn’t look like it.

Growing requires us to face our fears. Sometimes we need to fight like King David, do the impossible like Queen Moremi Ajasoro, or speak up like Nigerian youths during the #EndSars movement.

Courage can be scary and difficult because you are taking action, despite fear and discomfort.

In the journey of finding yourself, the future you, courage becomes increasingly important to navigate the depths of the world. Standing up for the right thing, for the right values, for yourself and your beliefs, is what the world needs.

So stay strong and BE COURAGEOUS.

But the phrase “Be Courageous”, seems vague. It could mean a lot of things. So I whittled it down into 10 applicable ways I learned to be courageous.

·????????The Courage to Say NO

·????????The Courage to aim high

·????????The Courage to war against negative feelings

·????????The Courage to bounce back from failure:

·????????The Courage to take risks

·????????The Courage to make a change

·????????The Courage to disagree

·????????The Courage to ask for help

·????????The Courage to heal

·????????The Courage to be vulnerable

#01 The Courage to Say NO

Being extremely agreeable and wanting to please everybody - Saying Yes- would help you get along with others and avoid conflict but it would also make you a target for exploiters - those who want to take advantage of you.

As sociable beings, We love to fit in. We want to be accepted. But in that desperation, we can become extra conscious about how others feel. Then come to believe we are obligated to manage and maintain their emotions and feelings.

A very wrong approach to avoiding rejection. (FYI you can’t avoid rejection)

On one hand, you feel useful to these people and on the other hand, you question why you are sacrificing so much for others at the expense of your own needs and goals

It is okay to want to please others, but displeasing yourself for no good reason that matters to you is a No.

I am not saying take the courage to be selfish. All I am saying is you have the right to say NO and if you do have that right. Take it whenever you can. Say NO

Saying No shows three things:

- You have a mind of your own,

- You respect yourself, your time, and your goals,

- You won’t condone any sort of exploitation.

#02 Courage to aim high

Let me paint a scenario,

Given two options of goals for the year, You are only allowed to pick one option to add to your 2023 new year resolution.

1. Run a 50KM Marathon in Lagos

2. Run around your living room 10 times

What would you pick?

8 out of 10 people would choose to run around their living room 10 times. Because it is easier, it is a low-effort goal and they are less likely to fail. Running a 50km marathon race is a lot, it seems unattainable, especially for those that don’t run much.

This outcome is a consequence of people being scared to lose. They want to win. They want to feel fulfilled. And that only happens when you set goals and achieve them.

The surprising thing is those who chose the easier goal are likely to feel less fulfilled than those that prepare themselves to run a marathon.

Why? Because they didn’t have to do something extra or out of the ordinary.

In most cases, satisfaction and fulfillment deepen the more effort given. The feeling of fulfillment in running a marathon is not the same as the feeling of fulfillment in running around the living room ten times.

The fear of failure should never stop you from succeeding. Failure simply means No Success Yet! Not No Success Ever.

While aiming for the stars, we experience a lot of growth as we measure up to become someone that can reach the stars.

#03 Courage to war against negative feelings

For you to grow, you need to have a handle on negative feelings and that requires courage.

Some of us can become very comfortable with our negative feelings so much that we don’t feel complete without them.

We get scared to fight against it because that is all we have ever known.

Some of us have accepted depression, anger, self-doubt, resentment, pessimism, etc as a part of us.

We don’t want to work on these aspects of our life because we believe it defines who we are.

But the Good news is the way we think is never set in stone. We are allowed to change what we think and the way we think about everything.

#04 Courage to bounce back from failure:

Failing doesn’t feel good. Nevertheless, It should not be avoided. Because It is a necessary evil in finding success. It is inevitable and a part of the process.

Failing would have you considering the idea of dropping it or letting go.

There is nothing wrong with letting go except it is the only difference between successful people and the rest.

#05 Courage to take risks

Taking risks requires making decisions with uncertain outcomes where something cherished can be lost. You could lose money, life, time, reputation, effort, etc.

You could lose anything based on the risk you are taking.

But do me a favor and read the highlighted sentence over.

It doesn’t say “…would lose..”. It says “…could lose…” So it is a probability. This means there is a chance you might win or lose.

From wherever risk stands, opportunity doesn’t lie far. ?

This is because most people shy away from taking risks because of their nature so they miss out on the opportunities therein.

Now there is a Yoruba saying that says:

Ibi tí a gbon m? là ń?owo-o màlúù m?.

Literal Translation is: One should limit the depth of one’s involvement in cattle trading to the extent of one’s astuteness.

It means, Be careful not to put at risk more than you can afford.

Just because there is a probability you might win doesn’t mean you find the courage to take just any risk. The courage you need is for calculated risk. A risk you can afford.

#06 Courage to make a change

What if something unpredictable happens after I decide to change? How will I handle it?

Being able to predict all the answers means you have reached your growth limit. And I know Nobody alive is incapable of growth. Because living in itself is growth.

Disrupting the status quo we so love breeds uncertainty, Uncertainty gives rise to fear, and fear is what we want to move past.

But really what are you afraid of?

That if you change something you won't be able to predict the consequences?

The fact is, life is ever-changing whether you decide to change along with it or not. It is left to you to decide to go with the flow and embrace it or be stubborn like a mule, losing your chance at growth.

#07 Courage to disagree

The courage to disagree takes the Courage to say No a step further by stating your own opinions after saying no.

Opposing people’s opinions might seem uncomfortable because of the fear of conflict but sometimes conflict is necessary because it reveals our differences, beliefs, ways of thinking, and ideas. And inevitably forces us to come to an agreement.

In communication, every statement we make holds assumptions, and if we don’t probe these assumptions we would never learn.

For example, in my team. I don’t like working with people that are afraid to disagree. Being weak-willed might make you seem like a great person to work with but it would prove detrimental if the decisions I make are not perused to understand how these decisions aid our goals.

Never be afraid of conflict.

#08 Courage to ask for help

Some of us take solace in being regarded as “Strong”. I particularly love the “I did it all by myself” mentality. It makes me feel seen, unique, and special in some way.

But the truth is there is only so much one man/person can do. Most times building something worthwhile requires more than one person.

I agree that asking for help can be seen as a sign of weakness, especially for men who have been culturally cultivated to believe that weak men don’t deserve a place in society and also for women who want to cement that status of “independent woman”.

But the truth is asking for help doesn’t mean you are weak. It only means you acknowledge that your efforts alone won’t bring the necessary result you want.

Asking for help has never been my strong suit, but when I find myself crawling under the crushing weight of things I need help with. I learned to ask for help. And I realized after asking for help, I didn’t feel less of a man, I felt companionship along the way and I got way better results. A triple win for me.

#09 Courage to heal

Some experiences are so ingrained in our brains, they are like thorns in our chests. These experiences change your worldview so much that you find it hard to look at the world another way.

Everyone copes with terrible experiences differently. Some experiences have us love isolation, being overly cheerful, pessimistic, binge eating, drinking, becoming addicts, or becoming socially awkward.

Everybody has the compulsion to grow. At some point in life, healing from past pain might be what you need to move forward because It binds you along the perimeter of your pain

To heal you might need to bring back the pain and in some instances relive it to get relief. So there exists the fear of the pain that will be dredged up.

Healing doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, it means you are over the pain.

Being a survivor might make you want to stay the same, not look for healing and accept your fate. Because your experiences had a huge part in shaping your identity.

But the moment you choose to heal changes everything. It can be the sole change you need to grow.

#10 Courage to be vulnerable

Vulnerability is great for the soul because it comes from a place that is deep in touch with being human. Deep connections with people only happen when you are vulnerable to them.

According to Brene Brown the author of Daring Greatly, Vulnerability is sharing our feelings and experiences with those who deserve to hear them.

Opening yourself, your idea, opinions, and work to the world takes a huge deal of courage.

For example,

Writing about myself makes me feel queasy. The thoughts in my head when I first started writing were “Will people like it?” “What would they say about my article” “Will they think it is no good? I know it is not a masterpiece but come on” I was terrified of others judging me for what I thought and my work being criticized.

Plus, As a man, I find vulnerability a hard subject because I am expected to be seen as the strong one in society. So sharing my feelings and being vulnerable might make me seem weak. And nobody likes a weak man. But I found that vulnerability doesn’t mean I have to cry like a baby. It simply means to feel and allow myself to be felt by others. It taught me that being vulnerable is being human.

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Now that I have listed all of this I realized that a lot of things in the world are scary, It can terrify you out of your wits. Therefore you will require every bit of courage you can gather to overcome that fear and live the life you so much desire.

All I am saying still is, Be courageous.

Adios