THE COURAGE TO LEAD: A CONVERSATION ON INDEPENDENCE AND INFLUENCE

The room is quiet, except for the occasional clink of ice in a glass. A soft hum of the city drifts in from beyond the floor-to-ceiling windows. It’s the kind of space where big decisions are made. Where leaders sit back in plush leather chairs, lean in, and talk about the philosophies that shape them.

I’m sitting across from a leader I've for what seems a lifetime and whom I admire. Someone who’s spent years studying and applying the teachings of John C. Maxwell. And I’ve got a question that’s been gnawing at me for months.

I lean in. “What makes a truly great leader?”

Slowly a smile spreads across my guests face--as if he already knew I would ask a very intriguing question today. “That’s the question, isn’t it?”

The Balance Between Standing Alone and Leading Others

I begin telling my guest about the tension I’ve felt in my own leadership journey. On one hand, my studies around Adlerian psychology have taught me that leadership—and life itself—Is about self-reliance. Letting go of the need for approval. Focusing only on what we can control.

On the other, Maxwell’s philosophy is clear -

Leadership is about influence. Nothing more. Nothing less.

—It’s about earning trust, developing people, making strategic sacrifices for the long game.

Taking a sip of my coffee, I offer a question that sets the very foundation for our conversation. “Can these two ideas coexist?”

My guest nods. “They have to.”

Happiness in Leadership Is a Choice

As I find myself in deep thought, around how leaders face challenges. One main thought begins to creep outside of my brain. “Leadership can feel like an endless series of external challenges. Market shifts. Office politics. Difficult employees. Adlerian psychology says—we aren’t victims of those circumstances. Happiness is a choice. It’s about deciding how we respond, rather than waiting for the world to change.”

My guest, pondering his response takes a thoughtful sip before responding. “I see where you’re coming from. But Maxwell would take it a step further. In The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, he talks about intentionality. Happiness and success aren’t just choices. They’re the result of deliberate personal growth. You can’t just decide to be happy—you have to build the habits, skills, and mindset that lead to fulfillment.”

Nodding to my guest and scratching my beard to make sure I understand the larger picture. “So, Adler says - happiness is about changing our perspective. But Maxwell says - it’s about actively working toward growth.”

“Exactly! Let’s say you’re in a toxic work environment. Adlerian psychology would tell you that you control how you interpret the situation—you can choose not to let it define your happiness. But—

Maxwell would push you to act. Improve your skills. Seek mentorship. Maybe even leave for a better opportunity.”

As I reflect on the previous notion, I let my guests insights sit for a moment. “So, happiness isn’t just a passive decision. It’s a combination of mindset and action.”

My guest begins to set their cup down. “Right. You need both—perspective and progress.”

Stop Seeking Approval in the Workplace

I work to shift the focus of the conversation in order to progress our discussion even further. “One of the biggest traps I have experienced in leadership is, the need for approval. Adlerian psychology teaches us that much of our suffering comes from worrying about what others think. The moment we let go of that, we become truly free to lead.”

My guest exhaling, almost as if they have said theses next words an uncountable number of times over their career. “I agree that leaders can’t be paralyzed by the need for approval. But I would argue that perception still matters. Maxwell believes - Leadership is about influence. Nothing More. Nothing Less. If no one respects or trusts you, you won’t be able to lead effectively.”

As curiosity sets in, my left eyebrow begins to raise. “So, you’re saying that while leaders shouldn’t seek validation, they should still care about how they’re perceived?”

“YES! Think about it this way—If a leader completely ignores how they come across, they risk losing their team’s trust.

There’s a difference between seeking approval and earning respect.

—Maxwell teaches that great leaders focus on the latter.”

I nod, channeling from my own experiences. “That makes sense. Adlerian psychology is about personal freedom, but leadership isn’t just about the self—it’s also about others. So, the challenge is finding the balance between staying true to your principles while also leading in a way that earns respect.”

My guest smiles. “That’s it. The best leaders don’t chase approval, but they also don’t ignore how their actions impact others.”

The Intersection of Courage and Influence

The conversation stretches long into the afternoon. The coffee cups are nearly empty. The sunlight shifts across the room, casting long shadows on the table between us.

I sit back. Exhale. “This conversation has really challenged me. I’ve always leaned into Adlerian psychology to help shape who I am as a leader, because of its emphasis on self-reliance and personal freedom. But I see now that leadership isn’t just about personal growth—it’s about guiding others effectively.”

My guest nodding. “And I’ve always followed Maxwell’s principles because they emphasize influence and adding value to others. But I see now that leadership also requires a deep sense of internal confidence. You can’t lead effectively if you’re constantly seeking approval or afraid of making tough decisions.”

Tapping my fingers against the arm of my chair. “So, the real challenge is integrating both. To have the courage to be disliked, but also the wisdom to earn respect. To focus on what we can control, but also to take intentional action toward growth. To embrace self-reliance, but also to recognize that leadership is about more than just us.”

My guest leans forward. “That’s the kind of leader who stands the test of time—someone who leads with both conviction and connection.”

As I begin to smile, it becomes apparent to both my guest and I that we now understand. “Maybe that’s the ultimate takeaway here: Leadership isn’t just about standing alone, nor is it just about leading others. It’s about having the strength to be independent and the wisdom to build relationships that matter.”

Lifting their cup one last time, as if to toast. “The future’s best leaders won’t just be courageous or influential—they’ll be both.”

As I step back into the fast-paced world outside, I reflect on everything we discussed. The differences in the two philosophies, yet how those differences also connect them and begin to form a perfect embodiment of what true leadership is. What it can be. What it can change. So, I will leave you with this:

“The greatest of leaders aren’t those who choose between courage and influence. They are the ones who master both.”